Nasty Thoughts.

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It seems that they'll always come back and build up again, even when they've almost completely gone for a little while.

Worthless, stupid idiot. You shouldn't speak to anyone ever again. Can't you do anything right? You don't fit in anywhere. You have no qualities. You can't do this. Don't even think about going there- they don't like you. They think you're the worst person they've ever met.

I never claimed to be an optimist.

The worst is when things get really bad and I get scared that I'm going to lose myself again. When I can't stop thinking about pills and how I could get them and how many I could take and how I just can't cope with everything. (Don't worry though, I'm not in danger from myself right now.)

I don't have nearly as many difficulties in life as everyone else. I just can't away from all these thoughts. If I spend one day going out and trying to be optimistic I spend the next day not doing anything and not being able to motivate myself to do anything. The only time things seem to really be okay is when I'm not eating and I have been eating for a long time. The problem is, eating makes me feel guilty and absolutely horrible and brings all kinds of horrible thoughts and feelings. I don't even have an eating disorder or anything, it's just one of the messed up things about me.

When I eat, I end up self-harming again, and I end up thinking about suicide. I've attempted several times before and I don't know what to do, to be totally honest. (But as I said it's not serious at the moment.)

I don't know what I want out of this thread. I guess I want to ask if anybody can relate to any of this or give me any advice on what I can do and how I can try and get away from all of this without losing myself and doing something drastic.

Talking helps. I've been suicidal before, sometimes just writing things down (like you've done above) helps you feel a bit better. I've also been known to take a walk when I'm feeling depressed.

Work closely with a good therapist.

I agree, talking about how you feel can really help on a couple of levels. I also find that trying to list positive things can really help battle negative self talk because you can see more easily when you're being too hard on yourself.

I hope happy things happen to you soon.

[quote="ForestRose"]It seems that they'll always come back and build up again, even when they've almost completely gone for a little while.

Worthless, stupid idiot. You shouldn't speak to anyone ever again. Can't you do anything right? You don't fit in anywhere. You have no qualities. You can't do this. Don't even think about going there- they don't like you. They think you're the worst person they've ever met.

That's how I feel right now ,said the first wolf to the second in the picture talking about the humans :

"Like why do they put all that food in that big container at the side of their house if it's not for us.- It's gotta be like we said ,a puzzle game for us right?"

"I dunno . Like why don't they eat it themeselves even? We left them plenty on the lawn to say thank you"

"I don't get this,one day they are trying to stroke you holding food out"

"yeh and I hate being stroked by humans until I get to know them,"

"then the next they're yelling at you."

"weird."