How do you get confidence?

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I mean that is the real question. What is really going to give someone like me who has never been confident, confidence?

What do I have to do to make all of that anxiety and depression, and paranoia, and strange disturbing feelings go away?

How do I get there? I am 23 and I don't believe I have taken 1 step yet. My life has not started. Not even in the least bit. I was a ghost in High school and college, and have no experiences to help bolster my sense of self in a good way.

I mean as far as the opposite sex goes, I haven't really taken a step. I have tried at times infrequently, but no success. This isn't really about that, but I'm just trying to illustrate what I have never felt, I have never had impact of a relationship on me.

The really only thing I can think of is try some martial arts learn how to defend my self. Hopefully those instructors can help me achieve that, and that actually makes a difference.

Besides that, I really have no clue. It feels like my life is always going to stay stagnant. I am always going to be depressed 24/7 sad all the time on my computer. I have tried getting into my passion, but over the years I have just been practicing music less and less, and its never been a hobby that I connected with other people like I really wanted to, because I really really wanted to be in a band.

My life just feels weird.........really weird it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

You will acquire no confidence by doing nothing, or by giving up too soon.

Do something. Do it repeatedly until you can do it well.

Never give up.

I never had a problem with confidence .. just motivation I guess. You haveto visualize what you want, to be how you want and act in that manner. In spontaneous situations, have the undoubted confidence to stand up in what you believe in and put your points across. Its a mental transformation not a external event. Know exactly what you want to achieve, and commit to the sacrifices it takes to achieve. and believe beyond doubt you will. use this approach to fix your problems. failure cannot be an option, it reflects your mental sharpness - also remember, when dealing with people, you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity.. this is the way they've been cultured and cultivated into thinking.

Maybe make a Craigslist post looking for other band members. Or another classified ad service.

In general, I think the key to confidence is to do whatever you do proudly. If you slept in till one and sat at the computer the remainder of the day like I did, well, that's what you did and there is no shame in that! It does make me regretful that I didn't work on the project I meant to work on, though, so I feel an even greater urgency to do this project now but it's because I will thoroughly enjoy doing it, it's what I love. So own your actions and do what you do because you love it and it doesn't matter what other people think or what you fear they may be thinking. Easy to say I know and harder to do in practice but really that's the way to do it I think.

iV tried the craigslist thing on end, most people play guitar (same as me) good luck there. You need a drummer, singer.

Most bands it seems are formed by friends. People network and play music, and since im not part of any social circle or network, Iv always felt left out.

i mean confidence, real confidence. When you walk down the street and cute girl looks at you. The confidence to go out of your way and make it happen. Not feel ashamed and confused if she actually was looking at you. Not having that feeling that your not good enough that makes you want to run away and cry.

I cant really explain what I mean, its really f*****g deep rooted, and its so powerful beyond beleive and it brings me down farther into darkness

Do what? So should lift weights until I am one of the strongest in the world? I don't see how doing someting repeatedly is going to give me confidence. There are many variables and many obstacles. I thought a balance was necessary.

Iv played guitar for many years, and I am pretty good. If I practiced more and more for hours and years I am quite sure I could be a great musician. But playing guitar by myself doesnt accomplish anything else except that or get me anywhere else in life. Its not going to help me socially.

I work mon-fri I am sitting at most of the time besides that, but its not like I am the biggest cave dweller.

start making yourself better than others, it makes you feel better yourself.

The martial arts should help ya....get a hobby or an activity that you can get good at.

What makes me confident:
*I can always trust myself
*I am a good artist, this actually is what saved me from suicide
*Running, though I am not the fastest, I am definitely an endurance junkie
*When others give me praise....I know I shouldn't be dependent on others, but sometimes it feels good.

i would be interested to read peoples advice on this too

Never doubt or be ashamed of your words/actions if they are of good intent that benefit yourself or others even if they are not fully understood by the receiver.
You must trust yourself in order to trust the things you say and do.
And do things that you feel would enrich you as a person. Be a tad selfish and acquire a healthy sense of humor.

Confidence is a norm thing. If no one would be around you would just say things and do things because you wanted to.
Now you're doing it in front of others, with others, for others and against others.
It is the Judge you fear. Knowing he is clueless is the key.


And for the martial arts thing and defense in general... nobody has the right to hurt you. Self preservation is a given, fight back if you are being physically harmed.
Nothing to do with confidence... it is a gift from the animal kingdom gone lost in most.
If you're being called names/ verbally assaulted, laugh it off.

Whenever I look on there I think "why is everyone here a singer looking for guitar/bass/drums?". I like singing and I've looked on there a lot for people looking for a singer. What kind of music do you play?

I have been bullied before in high school. I am not the smallest guy nor the biggest, but I am afraid to get beat up and not properly defend myself. I have been really uncoordinated and clumsy my whole life, and as you can imagine those qualities don't translate at all into healthy physical or mental confidence.

That being said, I am not in danger of being beaten up and I don't have any enemies. I just am hoping that learning and training and humbling of the experiences of training will give me confidence that I can use everywhere in life. Also trying to bulk up a bit.

I am hoping that getting really physical will boost my energy drive. I always feel drained, tired, depressed, anxious.

So have I, by a couple of guys and girls from high school. It was draining but I got through it. Been in enough fights for my taste as well. And I used to be scared s**tless when it came to physical conflict. But it came my way, that's life people wanna try their luck.
And I'm no hard ass, I'm a really timid kind dude. But early on I knew if you ran they would only follow. In my first fight ever I blacked out for a couple of seconds due to sensory overload from the situation and came to when the guy had landed a punch in my face. Funny stuff really... Gotten my nose broken two times etc. (And I NEVER look for trouble, I just look tasty to some and I refuse to back down.) But enough of the heroics, pain is almost mandatory in life.

I used to do a lot of sport competitions in middle and high school. Long Jump, 60/100 metres sprint and High Jump. Those were my strong ones, but I never did it for the medals, just needed to release some energy. It increases your drive a good amount and you become more alert.
If you want to go into a competitive sport that's cool.
The reason I'm against it is probably because I never found myself attracted to the idea of bulking up, I suppose it's because of everyone who was in to that stuff did it so they could use it for combat. Yes I did hang out with a good amount of air heads, but that's where I found my good friends as well so it was worth it.

Jeah, go do the activities that you feel will give you the strength and energy to deal with your surroundings and every day life + training gets your mind off of stuff.


See ya. Just downloaded a trial period of RIFT (mmorpg), see what the fuss is about.
Feel better.

SoulCakeDuck > I was never really physically bullied all that much that I remember. Nobody flat out tried to take my lunch money or anything like that.

I was more verbally bullied, but I wasn't that sharp verbally. I can say that I should have been some fistfights. If I had an ounce of an ego or a normal testosterone level like my peers, I would have easily been in more that one fight growing up.

I was always quiet and avoidant, I never had any friends or any support. I was always on my own.

I had it in me, but in that way, not in those circumstances. I never saw the point of fighting over some stupid bs. AND I never f*****g understood why people would want to mess with me. Maybe I said some stupid s**t from on occasion, but I never understood how they hated me. There was at least 1 or 2 that just hated me, and I didn't know why.

I just never understood it. I most always kept to myself. I was a loner. I dont really know wtf to say. i cant really say or describe what i was going through or what I was feeling.

I had it in me, I just didn't see the point or the reason in getting it out for some POS. And there were alot of POS losers at my school.

Had someone physically tried to do something to me, I would have. If someone had hurt someone I am close to, then I would have. Those hold true today.

But it wasn't that clear-cut when I was in high school, and I never had a boasting ego or a macho persona.

Still I feel like a coward I know could have gotten in alot of fights growing up, and I never would have had to back down from a verbal confrontation had I known I had the confidence or the tenacity to just fight if need be. I would probably feel alot different about myself today. I would have a much different experience of growing up., and would be somewhere very different today.

You aren't insecure about it, because you already got it out of your system and experienced it. I haven't, and I really wish I did. Doing martial arts training isn't going to change that, but at least I should feel confident about myself physically. I know it also is supposed to make you stronger mentally which Is what I am really looking for

besides that, I don't know wtf else is going to give me confidence. Nothing has in my 23 years and i dont know what direction to go. I have no idea what else to do or where to go.

damn I remember a few of those POSs really pisses me off. I really wish I would have socked them multiple times in the face. Nothing I can do to those a**holes now, and I would have never ever ever done more or gone on a shooting rampage or try to hurt innocent people.

I don't really know...it seems like the best way for me to express any amount of confidence is to keep silently telling myelf 'f*ck what anyone thinks!' it does not always work and does not build any real confidence. Also, in some social situations I prefer to drink because it makes me feel a little bit more confident and comfortable so I can actually enjoy myself. Neither of those are great advice but I do not feel like I am going to gain any self esteem or actual confidence any time soon so I might as well just do what I can to deal with it.

I just feel like there is so much more going on. So much more than is comprehensible to the factors that determines how confident someone is. If you just don't have the confidence to do regular things that most people can do, it might be much more serious issues going on.

For example, the opposite sex. There is a reason why I am very cautious. Most of the time I am kind of scared of girls, never been with one (sober anyways). If I didn't dress up my guard and just tried being me with the quirks and a little aloofness, I don't think I would do too well. Maybe hit or miss from the first contact, but after that they see me as a "friend"

If I really wanted to, and I mean I really wanted to, I could put on my best NT cocky confidence facade and initially do quite well in the first meeting. But after that, once the time has come for me to progress to the next level it would break down, because there is that hole inside me. After that I have completely no idea what I am doing and it will show

There is no easy way to gain confidence. I think that most confident people always had enough confidence inside them to be able to build upon it at the crucial times during the normal stages of development.

Maybe I am just dumpster talking right now, but I couldn't explain what it is I feel inside of me, and why I just don't have that basic level of confidence that nearly everyone has. Yeah I can't show it. Always kept it in, because it makes it so much harder for yourself when you figuratively slump your shoulders because then your a target.