Just so depressed

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I really think this is situational, although with the stressors in my life right now, it could be different.

It seems that the closer I am getting to my birthday, the more depressed over situations I am becoming. I actually had a good weekend, and Monday was nice as well... Tuesday was not. It was (let's just say) not a good day. Yesterday, I had a cousin give birth, so that was good, but I was just not quite over Tuesday (It really was a hard day). Now today, my best guy friend was supposed to spend the day with me. He could not because work called him in. He is on call 24/7, and if he did not go in, the entire university he works at would have no internet or other communications. It kept him there all day. As far as I know, he is still there. I texted him about an hour ago, and I never heard back (if he is at work, there are a lot of "dead" cell spots).

I am not finding him at fault, but I am really depressed about this. I was really looking forward to spending the day with him, and it didn't happen. I didn't want to see anyone else, except maybe one person, but I am not speaking to him and I don't think he is me either. This is how I feel on my birthdays. For the past 6 or 7 years, no one remembers my birthday, or something comes up and I am left at home alone. My family stresses how important birthdays are, but except for my dad and one brother (sometimes) I don't hear anything from anyone. Yes, there is Facebook and everyone wishing you a happy birthday, and that is nice, but I want to be with someone real, not electronic or through the phone. These past 6 birthdays have not been fun, and one even had tragedy. I don't want it to come. I am not looking forward to it. And feeling how I feel today (knowing my birthday is less than a two weeks away) I REALLY don't want it to come.

I am just so depressed. I just want to sleep, but I tried that earlier and I woke up crying. I don't want to drink anything, because I would just end up even more depressed, and I don't feel like doing anything... anything at all. I hate feeling this way. I don't want my birthday to come.

I wish you peace.

I relate to your scenario.

I wish you peace.

birthdays suck. they just remind you of all the downfalls in your life and how few people really care

ohwait, this isn't helping.

buy yourself a nice big birthday present. can't you rearrange the plans with your friend for your birthday?

I'm sorry. I wouldn't give up on your guy friend he is probably just busy rather than not talking based on what you have written about his work. I'm sure he wanted to spend the day with you too.

Do you tell anyone? People only seem to respond to me if I organise something to turn up to or tell them. Just wondering. Some people bring in cakes themselves if this is relevant or helpful. A bit rubbish of your family.

I spent my 30th with my husband and cried most of the evening as wanted to be surrounded by friends and there was no-one and had a meal which we do quite a lot anyway. I went to work and went to my normal fitness class. I go through something where I don't tell people almost to test if they care.

Actually the best birthday I had I took the day off work, booked a riding lesson and went out for a meal with my partner. Mostly on my own but planned. It sounds like you might be upset because this was unexpected as well as it being upsetting, could you rearrange something for another day with this person? I find I do nothing if things change suddenly as it isn't as it was supposed to be in my head and get stuck.