Saturday: Heell no!

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On Saturday about 100 family members and family's friends are coming round my house for a party my parents arranged to celebrate "the year", e.g. mum turned 50, I turned 18, brother turned 21, parents married for 25 years.

I can't deal with that. I need to run away to somewhere. I don't care if it's selfish, it's just much better for me if I'm not there, because then I won't feel horribly ashamed and embarassed about how bad I am at talking to people.

Everyone else in my house cannot wait, they would absolutely love to see everyone, no one else knows how I feel, so I have to secretly figure out a plan of escaping and going somewhere for the day. I know I'm horrible and selfish, not wanting to see family, but that's the thing, in my brain I naturally do not really care about family, as much as I want to.

I can't hide alone in my room, because I'll probably be expected to play the Xbox with my cousins / nephew.

"You need to start thinking about people other than yourself"

I know right, but I just don't really feel that, but it's not my choice to feel like that. x:(

Have you considered telling them how you feel? Is there any chance if you had a serious conversation and directly and honestly explained just how difficult this would be for you, they would understand and let you go somewhere else or at least hide in your room or something during the gathering?

You said that no one knows how you feel, right? First things first, you've gotta tell them!! Your family should understand that you'd be uncomfortable at that big celebration-thing and you might need to disappear during it. My family is really big, so I will very often wander off when we're all in a big group, though with me it is because of the noise (18 2nd cousins, and none over 15 ).

Hmm, I was going to give you the advice to go somewhere quiet with one or two of them and do something fun, but apparently that's not an option as well.

Just explain the issue to them and say that you will have to be allowed to go to your own room at some point. You won't have to be there and available all the time.

i'm always telling my mom [the only person who understands at all if a little] and i try to explain why i do what i do, and i get "well you feel like that today but you'll feel another way tomarrow." line, when it comes to not giving a damn about anyone but me, my story, and my compy, that is 24\7 it's just in different levels that are affected by the events of that day. but i always don't care or want to care, that's a burden i don't need.

i found that not telling anyone anything because i know they will never get it, and lashing out in anger when it is shoved down my throat to be easier on me, or ignoring the requests and closing my door as many times as it takes before they get the damn message.

explaining things to nts is like talking to a brick wall.

so i agree with the op, that 100 people in one condenced area, i'd probably shoot myself... no other options, can't drive, don't work.

others getting the chance to even touch my video game consoles is a privilege only reserved for a choosen few.

so if you can, leave. because that sounds like torture to me.

When I go to big family reunions, I tend to just wander around and do my own thing. Most people just focus on their own conversations and ignore me, that way I can approach the people I want to our the situations I find interesting. And if people I don't know much do approach me, I force myself to deal with being uncomfortable at first and talking until I am comfortable. But with 100+ people...with that many there is a good chance someone will approach you. The best thing I can thing of is find someone that you need to work on, whether immediate or not, and take that work someplace else. Use it as en excuse to leave, saying that because of all the people you can't concentrate (or if you actually can't do it at the house). People can't argue much if you have a good reason.