Went out last night by myself....

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Saturday night, all of the bars and clubs were just packed. I was very discouraged to say the least. There was no breathing room, no seats, and I am very inexperienced with bars to begin with.

I really had to say "don't give a s**t" hundreds of times just to go.

I found 1 bar that wasn't over populated and actually ordered a beer. I saw a girl that I kind of met before but didn't really know. I said hi and asked her if she didn't mind if I joined her. She said not at all, she was waiting for her boyfriend and a friend.

I talked to her for a little bit, but it was pretty weird. I only knew her from riding the bus, so I didn't have much to talk about. The only thing in common was we both went to the same school. She is still going there, and I haven't attended for 2 years when I dropped out. Oddly enough I never had her in any of classes or anything but what I can tell is she just sees me as some guy from school. Weird

After it got a little awkward or maybe over weird....my timing is bad......Maybe too soon or too late, I excused myself said "cheers" and left. I finished the beer by myself outside and walked around. I didn't want to stick around and have to explain myself when her boyfriend showed up so I figured I would leave. Maybe just maybe I can actually have fun not care, and meet new people and network.....but not that night

I just ended up kind of walking around the whole night. It was one of the loneliest nights of my life.

I just can't explain the kind of anxiety that washes over me, when I enter a bar, filled with people, lights, the atmosphere. It is so intimidating. And it isn't a big guy "Im going to beat you up" intimidation. I just can't explain it. I cant explain the nervousness that washes over me. Its been with me my whole life.

So yeah that was my lonely depressing night. Reminded me of high school when I felt alone as f**k with no friends all by myself all the time.

ANd yet Im going to go again and try it again next week. We Will see. I don't care anymore about bein "alone" in public.

Good on you for going in there and pushing past your anxiety. I couldn't have managed it, I wouldn't be comfortable at all even if I was with a bunch of people I knew, so I know what you mean.

Even though you felt lonely afterwards, it's still better than sitting at home lonely and not trying to do anything about it, go out there next week and I'm sure you'll get used to it all in time.

It's not proper for anybody to be in a bar by themself, man or woman. Do you hae any friens that you can go with?

I had a similar experience when I was about your age. (about 16 years ago). I went to a bar by myself, hoping, praying to find a girlfriend. A girl noticed me and came up and starting talking to me.

She put her hand in my front pocket and 'felt me'. She said she'd do more if I bought her a few drinks. I did, she had used me to get free drinks, I left and wandered around all night by myself in the cold- it was winter.

I met my wife at work, she was a single mom with a disabled child. We've been married 15 years now and she gave me two daughters. My advise to you, don't be too picky with who you date, but don't give in to desperation either. Live within the realm of the possible, ordinary girls make excellent wives. Try dating agencies, you might meet someone special, ask someone out from work or college- its always a risk, sometimes it pays off, sometimes it doesn't.

Its hard, I've been there, best wishes and good luck.

I went to a bar a couple of times, but only with friends. I always just stick to them like glue. Overall, though, I find it very uncomfortable. The last time I just stood there staring at everyone else doing their social things. I had no idea how to start a conversation with anyone, and it was so incredibly loud. I think I fully understand your anxiety, and you were alone, too. At least when you're with friends you have someone to talk to and you don't feel as awkward.

I'm happy I did it, from a philosophical viewpoint (I feel like I should at least know what I'm missing) but I'm not going to do it again.

first off: congratulations on actually going out, secondly on talking to someone.

*if* i go out, it's usually with friends, and then still i dont really talk, not even to other friends i meet when i lose track of the original group, or, i dont initiate conversation anyway.

i do feel you on the anxiety upon entering the bar, the only real reason i can cope is becouse i am with friends who know me and my sensitivity to those situations; they have 'rescued' me before when i overloaded once.

If it helps: I never go out to pubs on my own any more. There's just no interest for me there.

It might be better to have a specific reason to go to a pub rather than "just to go" - if you like the beer they serve, for instance. That's always a good talking point.

Yeah, thought so. I always took bars/pubs as a nice place to socialise with people first, drink second but experience has made me think it's the other way around.