comfort

Post Reply New Topic

Today i was thinking (don't remember what i was thinking though), and it hit me, i have absolutely no idea how to comfort some one. Whether they are a relative, a friend, a girlfriend (not that that's ever come up ), some one I know in real life, or online. If they where sad/mad/upset i have no idea how i would comfort them. So i ask, how exactly do you comfort some one?

I'm not the best myself, but here are a few tips I can give.

-If someone died, a good stock phrase is "My condolences"

-It's never bad to say "I'm sorry" even if you didn't cause something; it's taken as "I'm sorry this happened" or "I'm sorry you're hurting"

-Determine if they are asking for advice or just venting. If they are not asking for advice, try not to offer it (and don't voice disagreement, even if you don't like what they're saying).

-Ask questions but don't pry. Listen to what they have to say before asking more questions. If they seem reluctant or hesitant to answer, tone down the asking questions part.

Say something meaningless in an empathizing tone of voice.

Whatever you do, don't bring up anything related to theoretical physics.

http://xkcd.com/660/

Depends on the person and the situation.

Someone grieving might want an embrace/hug if you're close enough.

Someone dealing with something stressful might want a pat on the shoulder and a "do you wanna talk about it?"

I also like orchidee's ideas. My girlfriend tells me that when she's venting just to let her vent, some forms of comfort aren't a dialogue, but just the act of you listening.

Sometimes it's useful to ask "is there anything I can do to help....[with a situation/help you feel better/etc.]?" Often the other person says, "No, nothing" but at least then they know you care and that is often comforting in and of itself.

Other times it's good just to say something that shows you see the other person's point of view/understand their feelings (even if you don't really understand and all you know is that they're upset about something)....like, "That really sucks." Of course, this only works if the thing that's upsetting them isn't you, and if it's clear that they're saying something is bad/sucks.

I like to remind people that nothing lasts.

Thanks dude's, all good ideas that i wouldn't think of.