When does it end?

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When does life end? I'm not going to end it myself, but I've had enough.

Presuming you are in reasonably good health, you probably have another 50-60 years. Unless of course 2012 kills us all. Or Yellowstone erupts. Or a meteor hits us. But excluding those very minute possibilities, you're going to be here for a while.

And hey, if December 12th 2012 is the end, at least you get to see dark knight rises.

At least I'm looking forward to that...

I wish I was one of those rare cases that went to sleep and died of natural causes. I don't even think sex with a beautiful woman would save me now.

Ah, you just need to take up something to occupy your time until you can find something better. May I suggest an instrument or paintingÉ (That `É` is actually a question mark, my goddamn computer has switched to alt. characters.) What do you like to doÉ

I play piano, guitar, and workout. It can only distract so much. At the end of the night, you're stuck with yourself and your own thoughts. Same thing with meds...they can mask to a degree, but mask being the key word.

Have you tried performing or writing your own material?

What do you want most? If someone came up to you and said, "Hey. Follow me and I'll show you how to get the thing you want the most." What would it be?

I feel like depression this severe while obviously biochemically rooted is triggered by a thwarting of our deepest desires and I think you have to identify what these are and make them possible somehow. Starting with one of them.

sex with a woman i find attractive. but i don't think that would solve anything. just make me temporarily happy and on cloud nine, only to go back to where i am now.

That's what life is though. There is no life without wanting. If we had everything we'd have nothing to move or eat or breathe for.

So it might not solve things forever but it will solve it for the time being, and that is all life is, a series of time beings replacing one another.

How could you go about finding such a woman?

One thing I've learned is the distinct difference between fantasy and reality. In fantasy, I'd meet a woman I'm attracted to, sleep with her, perhaps even date her until we broke up (since most couples don't last forever) and that would be that. In reality, even if I met such a woman and she had mutual interest, I'd get attached and obsessed, if not before the sex, then after the sex and have more problems on my plate than I do now.

If there was mutual interest, why would attachment and obsession be a problem? They are normal components of romantic affection/love.

FYI, "Life Expectancy Calculator"
http://www.livingto100.com/

I don't know why exactly you're so depressed. But I don't think having sex will cure it. It seems to me it's overrated.
I don't know how to help you.

I approach all the time, more than probably 99 percent of men on this site. I don't "ask them out" unless I get a feeler from them or indication that there's interest. But I go up to random women I'm attracted to (or even not attracted to) and flirt with them or try to all the time.