sometimes i hate being autistic...

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...and there have been a lot of those times lately.

This is JUST a rant. So please don't anyone be offended or take it too seriously.

I am so tired of seeing some people who don't seem particularly bright being so ridiculously successful, so much more successful than I ever could be, because they know how to look others in the eye, to speak fluently, to understand what the heck they are supposed to do around other people.

I'm so sick of feeling like my native language is a foreign language because I can't talk like a normal person.

I'm tired of just being written off as "some weirdo" who doesn't deserve a chance at life.

I'm sick of not understanding how to be cute and feminine.

I'm tired of being afraid, anxious, and jumpy all of the time.

I'm sick of feeling like a stranger in a strange world...

i'm sick of the rest of the world NOT being autistic.
be a thorn in the side of this world, and laugh your head off about it

Me too, having such a hard week, its so much easier for NT's.
Imagine just being able to function without having to think about the appropriateness of everything.
After you work out if its socially appropriate then you have to work out if you care what others think, if you want to get ahead in the real world then you kind of have to despite the fact that it tears you apart being false.
Sick of trying to fit in to not be noticed and sick of not really fitting in very well.
Sick of being untrue to myself.
Sick of being on this rollercoaster - my ability to cope depends so much on my mood its insane.
Bad mood = self counsiousness to the max and care about what everyone thinks too much
good mood = confidence to the max and dont give a s**t about what others think.
Nothing is ever stable

The whole situation is very confusing.
After all the effort it takes just being aspie in this crazy world - no wonder i need lots of down time.