*Warning graphic* Psychopath?

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Please note that this is not a self hate post and I'm not going to go on about how I wish I were dead. I do however have a problem. I'm more than a little worried that I might be a psychopath. *Insert uproarious laughter* I know it sounds predictable, but I do have my reasons for believing it. The main one being that I'm constantly thinking about killing people. Everyday I walk to my P.E class and I look around picking out those who deserve to die. The only thing I can think when I see them is that they're filth and that they must be exterminated if the world is to be a better place. I have very real very gruesome thoughts of killing them. I imagine things like grasping their neck in my hands and snapping it in two. I ponder the best method for killing them. A regular train of thought for me is that I need a gun if I really want to kill the majority of them. The only one of these thoughts that has really frightened me is when I was possessed with a strong desire to bring an explosive device to school and blow up all of the stupid fools. I routinely talk about violence and killing things. I have a desire to hunt, not for food but for the pleasure of stalking an animal and then watching as my bullet pierces its soft flesh and drains its mortal blood. I don't torture animals, but I very likely would if I was given the chance. I'm not a goth. I don't hang around with other wanna-be killers and talk about how awesome it would be to kill someone. I'm not looking for attention or trying to earn a reputation. This is something that really worries me. I would talk with a psychologist about it, but I don't want to be thrown in a looney bin or put on Rispiderol or whatever the hell it is. I fully recognize that not a one of you can diagnose me or tell me what to do to make everything better, but if you have some kind words or some helpful advice it would be appreciated. Please be aware that I'm not going to go out and kill someone and I'm not currently a threat to myself or others. I'm just a frightened teen looking for a little help. Please don't alert the police or something like that. Please take me seriously. I'm not a troll.

Look up the clinical criteria for psychopathy and sociopathy. Chances are, you're not, based on the fact that you think you are, alone.

I used to have a lot of thoughts like that back in high school, when I had a combination of a number of different psychological imbalances. I used to want to hurt, maim or kill people I was jealous of, was annoyed with, thought I was superior to, and all that kind of stuff. I wrote stories about various characters who acted out my dark fantasies, since I knew I would never commit them myself in real life.

But I got evaluated, and was found to have sever depression, social anxiety, Aspeger's syndrome, and a couple of other minor things. I got treatment, and now I'm doing a lot better (I'll never be one hundred percent OK, though) with handling emotions when they're both in and out of balance.

Last edited by Zokk on 19 Sep 2011, 8:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't believe that you are a psychopath, nor are you alone in the types of thoughts you're describing. On occasion I have had thoughts about breaking the neck of my dog, a creature that not only doesn't deserve that kind of violent death, but by the simple act of needing me for his care deserves a respect that greatly overrides any deadly intent I feel at the moment.

I have also connected my stress levels to the types of thoughts that are linked to the death of Quincy. What are your stress levels at the times of these thoughts? Perhaps writing, doodling, walking, doing something to address your stress levels will prove helpful.

Again, I don't believe you are psychopathic nor are you alone with this type of thinking. IMO, you do deserve credit for "going public" with your fears.

I wish you peace.

You must realize I don't think I'm alone. I just want some help.

Best thing I can tell you then is to get evaluated. Schedule an appointment with your local psychiatric specialist. If they can't do the evaluation, then they can direct you to someone who can. It won't be free, though (it probably won't even be cheap) and it will be extensive and time-consuming. But if you get a definitive answer (whether its psychopathy, sociopathy or something else) then at least you'll know where to start when it comes to treatment.

My apologies...

I've had thoughts like that as well. I'm now friends with my dark side. Although in some ways that makes me more dangerous, overall it's a good thing because friends don't let friends do bad things. Now that we are friends, I can control my impulses, not the other way around. The people that are truly violent are afraid of what they are capable of. Not all of them are psychopaths. Some of these people are just hardcore Republicans. My uncle is twice as nuts as I'll EVER be, and he hasn't hurt anyone (to the best of my knowledge) even though he has martial arts training. So don't be so afraid. Fear drives people to do bad things.