Bad friends/guilt/kicking someone out of your life... rant~

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So, I apologize in advance for the long ass rant I'm about to type, but it is indeed nessecary. This is also the first topic I think I've created in over 2 years, I guess I'm just too shy to start a thread of sorts.

I'd ask my mom or someone like that for help but the autistic community would likely better understand.

I have a problem with a friend I've had for almost a year. She lives across the country so it's not like it's going to come back to haunt me really, but honestly to start I made the biggest desperate loser mistake one person can make, I ended up getting in a long-distance relationship. I always hated the idea, the thought of a relationship without even the ability to do as much as even hug someone, but people get desperate I guess, it's really not worth explaining now.

In any case it was good for 2 months or so.. we were going strong, talking alot, phone, webcam and everything. Things started taking a turn for the worse, and she got really... how do I say, moody. I understand some girls are just that way and I completely respect that, but this wasn't during that special time of the month (well, only) and almost nightly. When she got this way, I couldn't say anything to her without the risk of getting snapped at. I couldn't talk to her about my day, my job, how I was feeling, or anything. I work nights (11pm-10am, sh***y schedule) and she's never liked it.

Eventually it got even worse. I can't talk to her about things I like.. even my favorite thing, Sonata arctica.. I'd get "I hate that f*****g band.. I don't even listen to them" and she'd go on about the things she likes. If I went out to see a movie with my mom and nephews she gets so pissy and thinks I'm ignoring her. I can't talk about my promotion at work, I just get told truck drivers are losers and she hates trucks. Every attempt to go see her was blocked. Never told her parents about me. She stopped talking on the phone, we cammed less.. So, I broke it off. Simple as that. I just figured why waste time with someone who doesn't want to be with me.. welp, turns out I apparently broke her, and she guilted me into going back. Complete mistake and shame that I'm that much of a sucker to go back to begin with..

So, time goes by.. she's being a b***h to me daily, but you know? I put up with it. I just did.. I let her be moody, angry, whatever. I'm a sucker, I liked having someone love me, so I just put up with it. Never called her out on it, or anything. As time goes by I just couldn't take it anymore, broke it off again.

That's great.. all I learned from this is long distance is a horrible joke of a waste of time and I'll never do it again.

Now here's the problem.

I'm too nice of a guy, I guess. Maybe I have no confidence, self-esteem issues, whatever the hell you want to call it. Lord knows we're never getting back, but the issue I'm having is she is just completely horrible to me on a nightly basis. I mean, completely, utterly horrible to me. I can't say anything to her, literally. I can't talk about my job, the things I like without getting a lecture on why they suck. All I can do is talk about what she wants, do what she wants, and if I argue back to her she flips out horribly.

See, I work 11 hours a night, I'm about to move out of my folks, new car and start a life of my own. I have no intrest in dealing with someone else's issues, but god damnit I'm too nice to just tell someone off, no matter how big or small their issues are. I tried it, I blocked her, but 2 days later I gave in.. I'm just far too nice of a person to just shut someone out of my life. It all goes back to not being confident or self-esteem, whatever it may be. This isn't an issue of me wanting to go back, I never will, even if she lived 5 minutes away.. if people ask me if I ever had a girlfriend I just tell them no, it was that fake and a joke to me. I care about her, and I'd love to see her life improve, but see, I want to improve mine too, and I have no intrest in being someone's mental punching bag.

So what do I do, really?

Well I had a friend like that once, but I was not so lucky cuz she lived in the same town as me so I could not just put her on ignore.
I had to move out of state before I heard nothing from her.
Anyway, this girl seems like a waste of air if she cant treat you better than that.
just put her on ignore...dont worry about the melodrama caused by your break up. Abusive people do that to regain control of the relationship. She is really not broken by you leaving her cuz that is just emotional blackmail. If she actually cared about you, she would not treat you so badly. She is a typical female abuser...male abusers tend to be physical, while female abusers just wear you down emotionally like water on a rock with constant insults and negitivity.

Trust me she will be fine if you put her on ignore. She will soon fine some other lonely soul to make his life a living hell. That is the way that kind of woman rolls.

wash your hands of her, she is like an emotional vampire.

ps. I like your sig.

Jojo

I think you still care about her because you still remember the first two months with her, you said they were good. But you shouldn't forget that you get to know the real personality of someone through time.

Especially abusive people know how to give people sugar, they feed them and they are good to give them feelings of guilt. They don't attach through love with people, they bind people through feelings of guilt and manipulation. Those people need you to feed their narcissistic hole inside and they need it again and again. They rob others the pride and the self-worth and in the worst they rob the identity of people and give them a wrong self-perception - especially if male are the victims. So don't be blinded by that, believe me you can't help them. They rarely see their own actions and mistakes. You can't change people, they need to change themselves. Don't feel guilty; you already gave her a second change so that shows you have a good heart.

Don't feel like a sucker or loser, it only shows you're capable of love and that's good. Love makes us weak for someone, love means loving someone else more than yourself and if it's mutual it's surely the best what can happen. Because when it happens, love makes strong and complements and strenghtens you.
Start living your own life and find someone who cares about you as much as you do about them.

Somehow I knew the autistic community would have the best advice.

I think the bulk of it is everytime I call her out on treating me like crap she goes into self-pity mode... oh no one likes me, oh my life sucks etc etc.. and there's nothing I can really do from there. I feel like my only option is to just change my phone #.

Dear 886, You are, as you said, a VERY nice person. The way that I see it is that your own sensitivity makes you care so much about the feelings of others that you want to spare people the pain or loneliness that you feel. Couldn't get much kinder and well-meaning than that, and you have been honest about your search for genuine friendship, companionship, eventually romantic love. However, Fallen Angel pointed out that a true personality is revealed over time, and sad as it is, and as much as you do not deserve it, others aren't always caring people looking for an equal, mutual relationship. There are 'givers' and there are 'takers', though I'm over-simplifying, there is the right person out there who wants someone to care for..this one wants to BE cared for....block your phone# as you said, if you need to formally say'goodbye, tell her that YOU are not right for HER, then let go. By the way, do truckers still use those CB radios for company on the long hauls? Gotta be a lot of people to talk to that way...you know, there are women driving trucks,hint, hint.....Sylkat

Dear 886, Even if your fellow truckers are a generation older, it would be nice to have people to talk to through a long night of driving, friends are the best thing in the world...Sylkat