depressed with aspergers

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Im feeling pretty down right now. Things never seem to go right. Im always getting into trouble, all the time and i dont intentionally mean to. I dont understand boundaries, social rules and im trying really hard to learn them but its fking hard. and people just dont believe me , thats the hardest. I constantly misinterpret what people say to me when they talk to me and i think they are attacking me all the time too, so i end up fighting, cause i cant read facial expressions as well as i thought i could and tone of voices make me really uncomfortable. Unless of course its really obvious like someones looking at me with a big grin, the same for me i cant control my facial expressions well.

i cant talk to people and i cant socialise on a one to one bases so people think im an a**hole.
!!People in my life dont believe i have aspergers!! over the years of abuse in my life ive learnt to mimic some things in society. people close to me keep saying they dont understand why i do the weird things i do, why do i act like that, why dont i understand normal things, im fed up with that behaviour, why wont you grow up. and then i get undermined and i no longer matter in society because i do have aspergers.

They always think im making excuses for myself, and i cant explain what aspergers is to them in a way they would understand. i cant seem to do anything right, and people keep saying im attention seeking, manipulative and childish. I say i have aspergers and they auto think ''a**hole'' again or they are really awkward to me, i dont know if this is cause of how society views aspergers or if its just me.

i have real obsessions and its causes me to hurt myself cause no one will accept me, i cant help these obsessions and i dont see myself doing them always. im really unhappy and wish i could be understood. i feel really alone and that people in my life and society views me as a monster freak who craves drama and attention when i just want to be ok and to be accepted and understood.

people close to me keep wanting me to change and 'be a better person' and its really traumatising. how can having aspergers be something positive.

I don't think any of the individual parts of aspergers is anything positive. It sucks being misunderstood, it sucks not knowing certain social cues.

It sucks people misinterpreting your signals due to body language, or the tone of your voice, etc.

I think aspergers being positive is all in the way you view it. Its a part of you, while most people love to go out to clubs, I prefer to stay at home and read a book or play video games.

Difficulty with interpersonal relationships and lack of social cues isn't something in itself to be envious of, but this can sometimes improve with effort.

You owe those people nothing, you should strive to be a better person for yourself and should constantly strive to be so.

I'm not sure what to say about the way people treat you, except I relate to a lot of what you said... and, as Greatsharkbite said... you owe them nothing.

What obsessions are you talking about, though...? Obsessions aren't necessarily bad in any way.

I doubt people see you as a monster. Getting in fights doesn't make you a monster, and I'm sure most people realize that. "Monster" is a very strong word, you know.

I'm sorry you're so unhappy. I'm very unhappy, too. :/ I do see Asperger's as a positive thing, though, despite that I am so unhappy. People with Asperger's tend to see the world more clearly than others... while that use to leave one depressed, I, personally, still see that as a good thing... even though it's so difficult and demanding of you.

the social, relationships, interpretation and depression is worst.
thank you for all your replies, it really means a lot to hear from your experiences too, it makes me feel less alone. it really does feel like to me that you're an alien and constantly outcast and put down by everyone and no one believes anything you say and thinks you're just making constant excuses. i wish people in my life would stop insulting me and telling me im a monster, then i know i wouldnt feel like it.
i appreciate your advices, especially on working on being a good person , in the respect of not becoming bitter and really hating people. at least here you can speak freely of the struggles of aspergers, because everyone i know dont hold any understanding or kindness and are complete c*nts, but i guess its hard for anyone to sympathize or begin to understand unless they have aspergers or clinical depression themselves, thats why this site can be good. and its sad to hear you're so unhappy too beauty_pact