Dating

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Hi,
I have been feeling awful because I have been going out with someone who I really like who also happens to have AS. I thought it was going well and that he liked me but yesterday he told me he just wanted to go out as friends for now. (By the way I am not sure if this means he does not like me or something else? I have heard people tell you this when they dont like you?) I am wondering if he does not like me because I am too quiet and have communication problems as I have been told this was a problem with NTs I have dated. This makes me feel very bad because if I cant relate to someone else with AS who can I relate to? Anyone have any advice or know what he could mean by go out as friends for now?
Thanks!

I can see where you are comming from. I am on the same boat in a sense that I seem to be even "too much of an aspie" compared to other aspies. When I read most aspies on this board, they appear quite normal to me: they have circle of friends, they date, and so forth. But in my case I am a complete loner who doesn't even know anyone's name. So it seems like my Asperger is more severe than anyone else's. Perhaps the same applies to you. I never dated an aspie, but if I did I am pretty sure I would have been rejected just as much as I am being rejected by NT-s.

I know what I am about to say is going to be a bit off topic but I have to bring it up because this is one thing about NT-s I am pissed at. You said he wants to be friends FOR NOW. Literal interpretation of the words "for now" suggests "yes we can date at some point but lets get to konw each other first". This is quite reasonable. I mean shouldn't something big (relationship) start from something small? However, in reality what they mean is "I don't want to date you ever, not in a million yaers; lets be friends, period". Yet they say "for now" just to be polite. I really hate it when NT-s say stuff just to be polite.

Also, saying "for now" in a context of rejection logically implies that if one is liked they will jump into relationship the first second. If thats the case, this further implies that one is hard pressed to make a snap judgement on a person whether to date them or not the moment they met. And, indeed, thats what happens. According to the rules of the dating game, first i mpression is all-deciding factor. And this is unfair: what if someone had a bad day? Why judge someone by first impression?

I feel sorry for you. I hate waiting and uncertainty more than anything. I've had guys with AS ditch me before as I used to be too quiet, and they would think I was stupid. It just shows intolerance and a lack of awareness on their part, which you don't need in a partner.

If I were you, I'd be too busy for him. As in, don't always be available to see him. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and he may miss you, or at least make up his mind on whether he wants you or not.

Thanks smudge!
Yes, quiet does not = stupid. I have gotten that a lot too. That is very aggravating!

Actually my view is just the opposite. I think loud=stupid and quiet=smart. I mean smart people are thinkers and they are quiet. Stupid people have nothing on their mind so goofing around is all they can do. It is really unfair that society reverses it and says quiet people are stupid. It is so not true.

You sometimes see somebody who is a bit talkative in a class, who tries to impress everyone by proving the teacher wrong. Not that *I* ever used to do that God, I must have been so annoying. Though, I asked questions out of curiosity.

I wasn't referring to class setting. I was referring to how ppl act among their friends. My instinct says that ppl who are lowd among their friends probably won't be the ones asking questions in class since they probably won't care about that class to begin with.