Boss won't recognize autism in a child in my preschool.

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I've recently gotten a wonderful job as a teacher in a Montessori preschool. The children in my class are aged 3-5 and thanks to the methods of teaching used in this school, most of them are highly capable for their age. There is, however, one boy, aged 3, who I see as clearly being autistic. Not absolutely severe, but in my mind there is no question that he is on the spectrum.

-He doesn't show any interest in playing with other kids.
-He is only willing to play with a few toys, always in the same way, and he throws a fit if he's told he can't play with one of them.
-He is constantly clapping his hands or banging his hands on whatever surface is available.
-He also does other repetitive motions such as rocking and hand-flapping.
-He regularly claps his hands over his ears and runs away when other kids try to talk to him or when the room is getting too loud.
-He often doesn't appear to hear people speaking to him and it can be difficult to make him realize he needs to listen.
-He almost never speaks, except about numbers.
-He is a mathematical genius. At age 3, he is able to count into the thousands, and he is obsessed with numbers. I can get him to do anything if I relate it to numbers, and when I first played a math game with him, he bonded with me. He looked me in the eyes for the first time, started talking to me (but only about the numbers), and started smiling when he saw me.

I mentioned to the head of the school that I think he is autistic, and she responded that the teachers used to think that, but now they "know" he isn't autistic. (They KNOW? They got the blood test back, negative for autism?) When I asked why they are so sure, she said he can't be autistic because he is "cuddly" (after he has bonded with someone he will cuddle with them and he doesn't seem to mind physical contact in general). Also he will sometimes make eye contact, and although he usually doesn't, he is able to speak. I asked her why that makes her so sure, and she said she once did some work where she had to visit the homes of children with autism (presumably extreme cases), so she knows what she's talking about.

I don't want to tell her about my being on the spectrum because I don't have a diagnosis (so I don't feel I have to tell her) and since I'm new at this job and still in my probationary period, they can fire me anytime for no reason. Maybe she wouldn't have a problem with it, but I don't want to risk her thinking that I'm not a good person to be responsible for children. So I can't tell her why I know so much about autism other than saying it's an interest of mine and I've worked with autistic kids before.

I'm worried she will disregard my opinion and this poor kid will not get the help he needs. He might be fine in a Montessori environment, but later in life he's going to have big problems if he doesn't get the special training he needs in order to join society at large. I know I suffered a lot from going undiagnosed, and his case is definitely stronger than mine. He's a wonderful kid and for me it's very easy to deal with him, but my boss said today that she "doesn't know what to do with him" and I'm afraid they might even ask his parents to take him out of the school because he doesn't fit into the grand Montessori design.

I don't know if I should try to push them to have him properly diagnosed. I don't want to get on anyone's bad side only a week into the best job I've ever had. Who knows, maybe they'll get him diagnosed anyway and I don't need to worry about it. But I'm definitely concerned about this. Is there anyone here who agrees with my boss, that he isn't autistic? I'd be willing to accept the fact that I'm wrong if someone can give me a better explanation for his behavior, but I really can't think of anything else...

This doesnt look like a rant
Are you sure this doesnt belong in the parenting section?(where you could get help from parents that may have been through something similar...).

Is the haven only for rants? I'm looking for general advice. I'm not a parent and I have no influence whatsoever over the parenting of this child. I'm venting about my boss's refusal to see autism when it's not extreme (which is all too common), and also looking for advice on whether others agree that the kid is indeed autistic and whether I should push for a diagnosis or just keep my mouth shut and hope for the best.

I am a mom whose autistic daughter's first pre-school teacher did informally diagnose her at age 3. She called a meeting and said, "there is something very wrong with your daughter. I think she is autistic. That is not something we can handle here." This did not sit well with my husband or I. Obviously neither you nor your boss would put it quite so horribly (you wouldn't say "something very wrong"). But it still will not come out well at all even if you put a very positive spin on it. You may be absolutely right and he may be autistic but voicing suspicions that he is is unlikely to encourage the parents to seek an evaluation. It might even slow the process and make them slower to get an evaluation, since they don't actually see a problem.

When my daughter's first preschool teacher made her informal assessment, I did not go out and get an evaluation. After all, she was merely saying that my daughter didn't "fit in" and she thought that was because she was autistic. She was more or less kicked out of that preschool (as this boy is perhaps about to be) but I took her to the local public school preschool which takes all comers. They said she had a speech delay and fine and gross motor delays and immediately started her on speech therapy and OT/PT. An official diagnosis of autism didn't come into the picture until a few years later, nor was it needed in order to get services.

It sounds like this boy is about to get kicked out of the preschool for probably the same reasons as my daughter was. My advice to you is to get your boss to clarify exact reasons and encourage the parents to get him evaluated for those reasons and not because he might be autistic. The parents are going to be angry at his being asked to leave because she "doesn't know what to do with him". I sure was. Saying at that point that he might be autistic may infuriate them to the point that they delay evaluation because they feel you (or rather the boss) don't understand anything. Being specific about the exact problems would be better. They will be angry in any case (because he is getting kicked out, and that is angering) but they will be more likely to ultimately act on a recommendation for a speech and hearing evaluation (because of the probelms with listening and talking you described) than for an autism evaluation. The walls go up fast when people say "autism"- a lot faster than "needs a speech and hearing evaluation". When somebody ultimately says "autism" to them (if it is), the person they need to hear it from is a clinician, not a preschool principle who is kicking their son out. That will make them angrily delay evaluation on the grounds that "what does a preschool teacher know?!"

Summary

You don't have to convince your boss or the parents that he could be autistic. Your best choice (I think) is to convince the parents to get him evaluated for a specific problem, probably speech and hearing, that he could get services for in another school or from a clinic. Clinicians will take it from there. It was actually an audiologist doing hearing testing who recommended autism evaluation for my daughter. Her opinion carried more weight for me than the preschool principal's, even if they had the same suspicion.

I personally wouldn't do anything until you are there longer, and you build a rapport with the school and the parents before doing anything. If you want to take this child under your wing and help him out while he's at school then that would be great, but be careful when dealing with the parents because you never know how it will go.

I have a friend who's son has autism, and one of the preschool teachers told her that she thought he had autism. She was not at all ready to hear it, and she never liked that person after that. He eventually got the diagnosis, but that is something still makes her angry and she will never forget.

Me on the other hand, thought my son may have autism, but every time I asked why he did certain things they said it was just him. He had an obvious delay in language and they said that's all it was. I knew there was more, but they wouldn't support me. They would point out atypical behaviors in other kids, but when mine did the same thing it was "just him". The time when the school principal mentioned AS in a meeting, it was so refreshing that someone else was seeing what I saw and I appreciated that. I took him to get evaluated and he indeed, has autism.

It's sad when a child obviously has neurological challenges and the parents don't see it, but if they are not ready to go there it will only backfire on you. Your good intentions will never be understood because they aren't in a position, for whatever reason, to see that.

I totally agree with Janissy. As you get to know the parents and the child, try casually talking about developmental milestones and educate them on that. Be specific when addressing the concerns you have and let them go with that. If the parents see the differences then they may be inclined to start the evaluation process on their own, they just may not be ready yet or they may not understand at this point. I know how important early intervention is, my son is the poster child for that so I see your urgency, but at the same time parents need time to come to that through their own process.

I don't see a problem with mentioning to the parents that you are concerned because he interacts differently than the other children.

Most parents would want to know if pre-school teachers observe something amiss about their child.

First off, sorry for the delay - my new apartment doesn't have internet yet so I can only get on every few days. And thanks for the replies so far.

It seems I judged my boss too harshly. Today we had some time to talk and she asked me to elaborate on what I had said about this boy before. I went into some details about his signs of autism and she was surprised by the depth of my knowledge. When she asked me where I learned all this, I just told her I've had a lot of experiences with autistic people over the course of my life, I have a lot of friends on the spectrum, and I've done a lot of reading to educate myself. Obviously not the whole truth, but definitely not a lie. She seemed to really listen to my observations and she was writing some of them down. Apparently they have already decided to have a psychologist come in and observe him and consider a diagnosis, and she will add my thoughts to the notes they give her. But I think I managed to convince my boss. And some of the things she told me about him that I hadn't known before (obsession with clocks and time, meltdowns when the schedule is changed or anything unexpected happens, etc.) made me even more certain that he is autistic. It's just a question of to what degree, how much help he needs to adapt, and whether the parents will be willing to accept it.

One of the other teachers has told me that the mother seems to know that something is different about him, but the father refuses to hear it. There's not much I can do on that front - I don't think either of the parents speak English and I don't speak Czech well enough to talk about these issues. But if they do speak English, I think I can present the situation to them without the feeling of DOOM that so many parents seem to get when they hear the word autism. Actually I've never really thought much about that before. For me it's just yep, I've got it, gotta deal with those ridiculous NTs for the rest of my life. The idea that someone would take it as something tragic just seems silly to me. The kid is very intelligent, very sweet, and he'll be fine with a bit of help. He seems pretty high-functioning and everyone seems to like him despite his differences. For me, it's like a diagnosis of being really different in an interesting way rather than some terrible ailment as some people seem to take it.

Personally, I was kind of excited to see an autistic child in this class. I know that nobody recognized my differences or tried to help me with them when I was his age (or, in fact, until I was in my 20s). I'm looking forward to helping him. My boss warned me not to spend too much time with him though. They don't want him to become dependent on just one person (there are 4 teachers), and my job is supposed to be to teach them English, not to be a personal assistant to an autistic child. It's fair enough, but I do enjoy it when I get to spend time with him.