Why I feel people don't want to be friends with me

Post Reply New Topic

I feel people think of me weirdly in public, no one approaches me for any sort of small talk anywhere I go, everyone is in a rush these days, it's like they automatically see me as different without even knowing me. I present myself as a nice guy out there but it seems NT's don't care, I actually have a friend who has AS and I wish I could hang out with this person regularly because we both get along and stuff.

I wish to find another friend out there who can understand me especially if they have AS because I feel that they can understand me better than an NT would, is willing to call me to hang out and do things with but they seem hard to find out there. It's bothered me for some time, I just want that someone in my life who cares and isn't mean.

I have nasal speech, what I once read was 'deaf speech' (to feel the passage of air because I may have heard less well as a child due to allergies).

So, a little attention to your speech. Then, you're probably right, people are just in a rush these days.

And the other part of meeting people is the zen art of under-trying (I tend to overdo)

=======

And yes, I hope eventually we have Aspie network groups, which besides helping with school and employment and business start-ups, can also provide some fun social get togethers. That's my optimistic projection for the future and I hope some of that comes to pass.

And, by the way, Welcome to Wrong Planet!

I have been doing voluntary work, and have found the other volunteers are accepting of differences. At one place I attend, which is involved with special needs groups, there are other volunteers who are neurologically diverse. May be there is an opportunity in your locality to volunteer.

I'm actually a coach for special needs athletes. I've been a Special Olympics coach for 4 years and i've met some people that way. Course they would understand since they work with the athletes all the time and just being in that environment gets them to understand.

It's great that you can go to a place where people do understand. The other people seem like pricks and they're not worth your time.

I do not think I have made any friends at the places I attend, thus far. I find it exhausting, and I struggle to gauge my performance, which is not helpful, but I am determined to continue with my clumsy efforts.

People can seem like pricks. It seems important to engage with the correct type of person, which is difficult to identify. I have found older people, of retirement age, to be easier to engage with, generally.

It's a 1 out of 9. For a variety of reasons, groups or organizations or locations lead to sociable interactions maybe one out of nine times. (I have in mind the beginning stages of friendship but even that may be expecting too much)

For example, when I was a member of Amnesty International, well, it's already heavy, serious issues. People may not go there wanting serious philosophical conversation on top of this.

Or, perhaps for many people going to a group is like going to the movies. You're not really looking for conversation with the person next to you. (Funny aside, I think I saw 'Vanilla Sky' on my birthday in 2002. Theater was not very crowded. Woman one seat over asked me if I knew how long the movie would last more, for it was a long one. She said something else. As we were leaving, I asked her to coffee. She nicely declined. So, point being, it can happen. Just kind of rare bird.)

In 1990, as an American citizen, I protested my country's buildup to war in the Persian Gulf, and in 1991, I protested the war itself. You'd think as part of a protest movement, you'd meet all kinds of people with shared values and be part of a community. It was very disappointing to me that this did not happen. I later decided, okay, people have heard enough stories about FBI spying and informants and all that, to shy away from anyone weird or different. And it didn't help when I overtried. More charitably, people have gone through a recent growth period to get to the point where they feel ready to take the step of protesting their own government, and now they're in more of a consolidation period regarding the previous growth. And so, as someone wanting to talk academic philosophy (as I did during that time), that was probably kind of off-putting.

So, I decided for myself, as far as meeting people, light touch a variety of groups.

This is a little bit of a down period in my life (including employment which is a big deal)

I do have the beginning stages of a friendship with a good guy I've met at an informal chess club. And this is a gift.

I feel groups are a bit overwhelming as it is. Ok maybe a very small group is alright like with 2 or 3 people but at least getting into a club of something that interests you is an advantage. Where I live there isnt a whole lot to do, you have to travel a little to see what's there at least to find groups with aspies.