Hi, I'm chronically bullied.

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I’m bullied for as long as I can remember… (I experienced these incidents at various points of my life.)


I got molested once.

My worst memories involve classmates throwing various things (including their storybooks) at me while other classmates watched and cheered those classmates on.

I got ostracized when I tried to participate in various activities and outings. (E.g. Once, my schoolmates were playing some “Word Association” game among themselves. I asked politely if I could join in. The schoolmate who initiated the game replied snootily, “No, you are too old for games.” even though we were all of the same age. Other schoolmates giggled.)

I got called all sorts of names, like “b***h” and “slut”. Till this day, I’m puzzled why one girl called me a “jinx”. She added that I would bring misfortune upon anyone who got too close to me.

People told me in my face that they were eager to see me fail.

People told their friends in my presence that they got angry whenever they saw me.

In class, during group discussions, my groupmates often rolled their eyes and/or looked elsewhere whenever I spoke up. Occasionally, one of them would ask, “What did she say just now?” Some other groupmate would say something such as “Oh, I don’t know. I don’t know how to translate her words.”

Some classmates badmouthed me until teachers regarded me as a troublesome student. I got teachers asking me questions like “Are your parents divorced? Are you poor?”

Whenever I walked past a particular clique, its members would all flip their hair and stare at the ceiling.

When I walked past certain people, they would huddle closer together and start whispering in hushed tones.

I am in poor health now and my grades are no better. I sometimes cry myself to sleep. I notice that those who bully me share certain characteristics.


Many books and websites say that bullies suffer from low self-esteem. Nonsense. Those who bully me are often described as “assertive” and “full of confidence”.

I notice that those who bully me are mostly the popular students in school. They are considered “high profile” in school because they participate actively in various activities. (E.g. Some bullies got commended for their fundraising efforts on behalf of certain charities. Some bullies participated in a national competition in which votes would determine the winners. They won because their friends on Facebook all voted for them.)

Unlike me, those who bully me are usually all-rounders who end up clinching various scholarships and awards. One bully got a news interview because of her “superb piano-playing”. Another bully had bloggers (and once, the newspapers) complimenting her on her “excellent fashion sense”.

They all have good reputations. I’m the one stuck with a bad reputation as the school’s “b***h/slut/insert derogatory term here”.

In every school, some teachers are popular (liked by most students) and some teachers are unpopular (disliked by most students). The teachers who treat me very nicely are mostly the unpopular teachers. Some gave me cute little cards and post-it notes containing words of encouragement. Some praised me in front of my classmates for reasons such as “good work ethics”. Some chatted me up in front of my classmates. (E.g. How’s your day?”) The popular teachers usually get along really well with my bullies. (E.g. I sometimes saw my bullies and these popular teachers deep in conversation.) At best, the popular teachers treated me as invisible. At worst, a popular teacher once told me bluntly, “You have poor interpersonal skills.” but refused to elaborate. Another popular teacher once heard rumors that I might be killing myself. She told me, “If you want to kill yourself, don’t slit your wrists because you won’t die. I recommend slitting your own throat because it definitely leads to death.”

Some people say that bullies often give themselves away because they bully more than one target at any one time, so targets should band together and fight back against the bullies. Nonsense. The bullies are usually nice to everyone in the school except me (and maybe those unpopular teachers).

So far, when I tried confiding in people, including counselors, their reactions hurt me. For example…

People tell me that I’m bullied because I’m morally bad in some way or another. They are like, “Look at me, I have never been bullied before because I’m such a nice person. Look, your bullies are all model students surrounded by friends. Since they call you a b***h, you should do some self-reflection on why so many people perceive you as a b***h.”

People tell me that once I make friends, bullies will stop targeting me because they only target those who have no friends to back them up. However, people are afraid of being friends with me because if the bullies see them with me, then the bullies will target them too. The bullies themselves also reinforce the idea that whoever who befriend me (“a loser”) will be a “loser” in their eyes too. (E.g. Once, certain bullies saw a girl chatting with me. They announced that they would “punish” the girl in front of me so that she won’t dare to chat with me again. They made the girl buy food for them. Once they finished eating, they told the girl to clear their plates. The girl herself bullied me before too.)

People say, “Kids are just kids. They don’t know what they are doing. If you ever have the chance to interact with those bullies again, I bet that you will all get along well.”

I did muster up the courage to confront my bullies, hoping to find out why they bully me. Most just walked/ran away. Some said, “We were just having fun! Oh my God, you are so sensitive that you don’t allow us to have some fun!”

People point out to me that I deserve to be bullied because unlike my bullies, I’m poor in this, I’m poor in that… (E.g. “You run like Donald Duck, dear, no wonder you get bullied. By the way, back in those days, one of my neighbors was mentally ret*d. Oh, my friends and I had so much fun playing pranks on her. We hid her things so that we could watch her panic. We made her trip and fall when she was on her way home. Did I regret what I did? No. She was mentally ret*d, so it was fun to pick on her”.)

People say that bullying will end as long as I ignore the bullies. They assure me that if I ignore the bullies, the bullies will get bored and go pick on some other people. I noticed that whenever they bullies were aware that I had been ignoring them, they got agitated and intensified their bullying. (E.g They would start raising their volume at me.)

Well, feel free to share your thoughts here. Thanks!

Had that happen many times to me-and the administration when I went to school was the "boys will be boys" school of thinking-and ignoring them also didn't work for me either.

wow that's horrible
i think a lot of people who bully do it partly because they have no idea what it feels like, which is why you notice it seems to be the same sort of people and also why it happens more amongst young people whose empathy skills aren't get fully developed. also why the 'unpopular' teachers are nicer to you. The ones who do know how it feels probably do it because they have a 'rather you than me' attitude. and the small percentage left, well, i dunno what the f**k is wrong with those ones.
is there anyone else in school who is bullied too who you could befriend?

How long do you have left at school? is there any chance you could change schools or get home tuition if it's so bad it's affecting your health?

To OneStepBeyond: Hi, thanks for your kind words. Um, after graduating from high school, I was a NEET for a while, then I enrolled in a distance-learning program. I'm aware that bullying is rampant even among adults, so I'm worried that I'll be bullied all my life.

oh i see, how old are you now?
i may be wrong but i think it's less common amongst adults. although obviously still present. i also think it's far less common for there to be gang mentalities as people grow up and get a better sense of themselves and their beliefs. also as an adult you have more control (although not complete) over the sort of people you are exposed to and spend most of your time around. have you tried meeting people with similar interests to you? clubs/groups/communities based around particular shared interests probably don't have much bullying in because everyone is choosing to be there and interested in sharing knowledge etc with the other members. something like that would be a far more controllable environment than a workplace and may help you build confidence to prepare you for the future. people with a slight confidence are less likely to be targeted by bullies looking to get an ego boost by picking on a weak link

That really sucks what you went through!! !! I despise those who tormented you while selfishly promoting their own popularity at your expense. Yes, I too disagree wholeheartedly about those myths of bullies (they have low self-esteem, they eventually get called out, they will leave you alone if you ignore them...) and I don't believe that most teachers and principles genuinely believe these myths, it's just code for "we don't want to get involved" or "you're already making my job difficult enough as it is."

It's totally a "Nazi Germany" mentality, where anybody caught fraternizing with "the undesirable enemy" will too be targeted and persecuted. So that's why you, regrettably, find yourself alone, and it seems that you are facing the full brunt of the darkly unpleasant side of humanity. I thoroughly refute the old line that "you brought it upon yourself through your behaviour" since autism by its very nature entails not knowing what sort of behaviours might be construed as odd, or how to read unspoken cues that you should change your approach in a given situation.

As for adult bullying, yes it still occurs - to a lesser extent, but it is more passive-aggressive bullying. I had to deal with it in the workplace; I was kept out of the loop, had my emails ignored, given lower-level projects when I was capable of much more, etc. It was mobbing, and they made sure they covered their tracks.

The trouble is, if you retaliate - especially physically - people will deflect it and respond by saying "see, she really IS psychotic, we told you so all along" - and that will likely get you relocated to another school, probably a school for chronic troublemakers where things will get worse.

The best advice in this situation? Band together with local autism support groups to approach the media and do a cover story on institutional Asperger/autism abuse, that you're finally breaking the wall of silence, and when many others & their families speak up, it might shame those who torment and start a movement against such behaviour. That of course wouldn't have worked for me when I was in high school / middle school 20-25 years ago, but it has more critical mass behind it now.

At work.. arguably one of the most social jobs i'll have by far-- everyone jokes like that somewhat. I'm not saying just with me--tho unfortunately I get the brunt of it.. I mean everyone in a work area full of 50+ people at any time.

I'm not saying all things on the list aren't acts of bullying.. actually the majority (maybe all of them) are probably acts of bullying but I think the thing for people like you and I is that bullying has occurred so often that things that aren't actually bullying can be perceived as such.

Did you know the girl who called you a jinx at all? Sounds more like that might've been in the line of joking.

Same thing for the word association game, unfortunately kids aren't polite mostly--they're kids. They joke and make fun.

But I will say, even believing that type of behavior is the norm, it doesn't make me feel that much better either. People are shallow to a certain extent and being teased because we're on the autistic spectrum or have some other type of disorder that makes it hard to socialize, makes our perception of their judgments that much worse in my opinion. If a person has a lack of confidence.. treatment can get worse over time too, not better.


Yeah some bullies are successful, because not all bullies have low self esteem. Actually they push and do whatever is needed to be done to rise to the top. Work environments and school environments are much more comfortable for them because no one ever wants to hear their mouth, so they'll go out of their way to make friends with the bully. Just because they sometimes have high self-esteem tho.. doesn't mean that their isn't something seriously messed up about them, heck chances are they just hide their insecurities much better than other people.

Also.. the teacher that gave you advice on how to kill yourself based on a rumor? Sounds like something i'd sue the school over, she/he isn't promoting a safe learning environment at all. What a sad excuse for a teacher.

As far as the counselors.. what inappropriate advice. It sounds like something I was told when I was younger and don't get me wrong EVERYONE has something they can work on so others can perceive them better. But that has nothing to do with being bullied or other individuals being mean enough to try and make you feel uncomfortable..

Plus ignoring bullies doesn't work. There's only one way to ignore them.. attain a state of absolute ignorance as to what is being said to you. Not possible.. its not possible to ignore things in life. Could you ignore someone running into the mall with a loaded shotgun, shooting the place up? No, everyone has to face reality and deal with things as best as they can. I tried the whole ignore them thing too, works once in a while if you're not seeing the person again, don't attend the same school or work with them but other than that.. it rarely ever does.

Don't be afraid to stop trying to make friends either. I was the same, I had a friend in a school year that I started getting bullied and harassed horribly, getting into fights every other day etc. This kid was so dense he decided to stop hanging out with me, ignored me one time we ran into each other in public etc because he started getting harassed. That was in 6th grade--and THAT isn't a true friend in the first place. You're missing out on real relationships as a result.

I think the issue is most bullies.. or heck most people in general believe that everyone has a sort of innate social skills that they just aren't using or need to develop. So they're free to criticize or critique.. Thats true for SOME people, but others their social skills simply are what they are.. with small improvements made over the years. We're not cut throat, we don't harass others to hide our own insecurities or to make ourselves look better in front of our peers. We don't wear the huge social masks that the majority do, we're ourselves and we act with a certain level of integrity which people like to use to make themselves feel better--nothing else.

TLDR: You have nothing to be ashamed of.

That sounds exactly like my childhood!

I was assaulted with a pair of scissors and slammed into a brick wall everyday while others laughed. The other kids were sneaky and turned the teacher against me.
Most of those people are stuck with unwanted kids,in jail or overdosing on drugs.
The people that bully are usually a**holes that just want to look tough and cool. They find a person that appears emotionally weak,physically weak and just different as their victims. The can sense weakness like a dog senses food.

When you are out of school things will probably get better. When I was in school the library was my sanctuary.
Perhaps you could find a safe place.I spent my entire lunch time in there. now have PTSD form the bullying and I hope you don't get it.

People really don't quite understand the phycalogical effect of bullying. It can make a person feel defeated and paranoid.

Yay! I'm so happy that I have Internet access now, otherwise I'll probably be tearing my hair out.
To all: Once again, thank you for replying.
To artrat: "They can sense weakness like dog senses food." Well said indeed. I once blogged that bullies remind me of sharks because sharks reputedly turn aggressive as soon as they get a whiff of blood.
To Greatsharkbite: Um, the girl who called me a jinx (let's call her Polly) was the one who did many of those things that I listed down here while in elementary school. She was the one known for "superb piano playing". She was also the one who instigated the "punishment" of the girl caught chatting with me (let's call her Susie). (More details later...) Yeah, I understand that teachers nowadays are so stressed out that some of them just shoot their mouths off. I have already forgiven that teacher, but I hope that no matter how stressed out they are, they should mind their words. I'm very touched by "You have nothing to be ashamed of."
To Jayo: To be honest, I'm surprised that many netizens admit that they have been bullied before. In real life, many people tell me that no bully has ever targetted them. As a result, I find myself alone. When you explained the "Nazi Germany" thingy to me, I realized that Hey, I'm not alone after all. Thanks God that you had warned me against physical retaliation, otherwise I might be locked up in jail by now.
To OneStepBeyond: Thank you. I spent last year volunteering with kids. I might resume volunteering soon. Even though there is zero bullying going on and lots of fun interacting with kids, I'm not 100% comfortable when certain volunteers show off that they are more powerful/knowledgable than everyone else.

On an unrelated note, something had haunted me on and off for years. It started when I met Polly and Susie approxiamately a year after graduating from elementary school. They were happily chatting and strolling around. I came up to them to say hi, but they just ignored me. Months later, I was browsing around in a gift store when I heard something like hi or hey. I wasn't very sure, so I turned my head to see. It turned out that Polly and her family were in the gift store too. (They were some distance away.) Polly seemed glum as she gave me a tiny little wave. I had a hard time interpreting her body language then. To me, she seemed insincere and surprsingly frightened. I was frightened too because I fantasized that she might approach me anytime to call me names again, so I ignored her. Polly then whispered something angrily to her sister. As I walked away, I noticed that Polly's mom had been smiling at me. When my mom saw me later, she asked me why I seemed so pale and sweaty. I told her that I was alright, but the truth was that my encounter with Polly had shaken me. I thought that maybe Polly's mom had forced her to wave at me. If we had ignored each other that day, maybe she wouldn't get so angry and I wouldn't get so pale and sweaty.

That sounds like my life too.

There was a time when I was younger when I wouldn't have admitted to being bullied. I was ashamed about it even happening and didn't want to talk about it. Now between being older and there being more awareness about bullying I can talk about it and I know that it's not my fault and the kids that bullied me were all horrible little brats.

I never really saw any of my bullies after getting out of school and don't even think I would recognize many of them if I saw them. Once at the dentist someone thought they recognized me from school but I didn't recognize them. If I ran into any of my former bullies (assuming I even knew who they were) it would be very uncomfortable for me and I never want to see any of those people again. Even if they are "sorry" now it's too late, the damage has already been done.

I once had a school counselor tell me that people treated me the way they did because of the way I acted. I didn't know what I was doing wrong or how to act any other way.

Well, this phenomenon, this discrepancy, makes perfect sense to me. Bullying is by nature a shaming experience, but the Net affords anonymity so bully victims are more comfortable opening up about it online. Whereas in person, you know who they are (well, most of the time) and they are more reluctant to discuss their humiliating experience at the hands of a tormentor.

When I was 21 in post-secondary ed, I had a bully assault me at a house party, making jokes in front of his friends about it (he actually thought I was gay, so he made homophobic slurs); I just called him a psycho and left. Part of me wanted to call the police about it, but I was already ashamed and the psycho had biased witnesses at his disposal. Some people told me that I should have fought back, but I had the street-smarts to realize that he had friends there who could gang up on me and I was only acquaintances with the people there. Today, I have more friends, more social skills, more bulked-up physique, and a good career and self-esteem and have not had anything like that happen since going to house parties or elsewhere.