Blackness

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A strange feeling in the pit of my stomach gnawing away. I feel things are so pointless, at the moment life is great, I am working towards the only thing I ever wanted, I'm living in the city of my dreams, I have supportive friends and a loving family back home, yet I feel so utterly alone in the universe.
Sometimes I fantasize about throwing myself in front of the train, not a feeling of despair but an indescribable ache in my soul. I know I don't want to die though, when I recently went for a chest xray I was sweating with fear for my health.

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I get you Purchase.
I believe consciousness is probably just a strange phenomenon with no innate purpose.
Humans are unique among animals in their ability to remove their focus from the utter distraction of biological programming, at least partially, and contemplate this.
In a way it is tragically beautiful i suppose.