Worst Humiliation Ever, Life might be ruined?

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Hi, everyone, I have just come on here because I think that I fit the description of having Asperger's. I have always been the "odd one" and it has hindered me all through life and I'm just sick of it and I want things to be different. After today, it might be, for the worse.

I'm a senior in high school and I have been picked on since 7th grade. It used to be bad before but it kind of mellowed out since we are older but people still insult me on a daily basis and everyone thinks I'm a joke. I don't know what I've down to deserve it. Just because of something I did in 6th grade shouldn't put me in the "untouchable" category but yeah that's what has happened.

In 6th grade, I used to fart in class and at first everyone thought it was hilarious, so I kept doing it and then I eventually stopped after getting an in-school suspension. Well at the end of the year we had an awards ceremony and my teachers actually gave me the "silent but deadly" award. This reminded everyone of what I did a few months ago as everyone forgot and it ruined my reputation for good. I left the room crying and slamming the door as my teachers said they were "joking" even though I'm sure 2 of the 4 teachers were smirking. Until today, I thought that was the most embarrassment anyone could ever take or ever get.

The rest of the time was horrible...in the 8th and 9th grades, I got beat up a ton and picked on constantly. No one at that school cared, because I wasn't a "high-class" kid that parents owned the town or etc... no one cared about my issues. It was horrible, I used to have acne and one time the homework that was put in my folder in math class, that was done by a classmate when you were absent had a picture of me on the back with an exaggerated amount of pimples all over. When I handed over the proof, the main kid only got a detention, and that's because he didn't apologize, and then it became worse.

For a little background, I started taking karate in the middle of 8th grade (after I got the crap beat out of me and was out of school for a week with a concussion). This girl named Sam that went to school with me also took karate and she was a new student in 8th grade. She was already a red belt and I would talk to her all the time in karate class. Now I have never had a single friend that's a girl because I don't have any self-worth. How can a kid that is the joke of the school even approach someone. Hell, even girls that I don't find attractive don't even want to associate with me.

So anyway I talked to her and since she was fairly knew, she was really nice to me. I continued to talk to her over summer in karate but I never got her number or anything (cause I was too afraid to ask). When high school came around, it was like she was a whole new person. She quit karate so I never talked to her anymore and she became part of the "popular" clique (boy do I hate those 2 words) because she was gorgeous.

Now some of the popular girls are nice and friendly and that's what I thought she was. Well Senior Ball is coming up and I really wanted to go. So I decided I was going to ask her today after our gym class together. So after I got changed, there were a couple minutes left and everyone waits in the hall for the bell to ring. She was talking to her friend, another "perceived" nice girl so I finally mustered enough courage to ask and as soon as I finished, the both started laughing and Sam said "Are you f*ing kidding me."

Needless to say, I picked the worst spot possible to ask because it spread like wildfire. In 20 short seconds, I had the whole hallway laughing at me, and a popular guy who has been giving me problems for a while shoved me on my ass and called me "creep" getting more laughter so I got up and just ran off back into the locker rooms. My gym teacher, who heard the whole and saw the whole thing tried to calm me down but I was just so upset that I wanted to hurt someone bad.

After I was ushered to the main office by the gym teacher to talk to the principal, I wanted to leave but he wouldn't grant it to me. Instead I had to go to lunch, which was in progress, and as soon as I walked in everyone got quiet and then someone from the "popular" table yelled "Creep!" and basically the majority of the room started to chant in unison. I got my lunch as fast as I could and the monitors quieted everyone down. When I finished paying, I started walking away and the same jerk that shoved me tripped me and I fell face-first into my lunch which was pizza. This got the whole cafeteria bursting out laughing and also prompted the monitors to come over.

I was so embarrassed and I had so much built up inside of me that when my face hit the pizza, I immediately sprung to my feet and smashed the jerk in the face and then smashed his head against the table as hard as I could and got a couple more shots in before the monitors and the cop who works at are school restrained me. As I was getting pulled away I yelled "WHO IS THE FU*KIN' JOKE NOW?" which put the whole cafeteria in a stunned silence. Needless to say that statement probably didn't help as I was restrained by a few people and brought back to the main office where I was ordered to sit in his office while the principal called my parents.

After explaining what happened, no one even took my side as to seeing that the kid tripped me. The monitors said they didn't see, which was a lie, and so I told them to bring the cashier down because she saw it clearly and they didn't oblige saying "She's working, were not going to drag her down here."

The officer released me to my parents and it was ruled that I was facing suspension from school grounds for the rest of the week and that I could possible face expulsion, and possible jail time if the jerk presses charges, which he probably will.

My parents aren't too upset with me after I told them what happened and I'm going to do something about this because it's a joke. My dad's cousin is the chief of police in our town so I'm going to get this fixed.

When I got concussed at school, the attacker didn't get in as nearly as much trouble that I did and he already had a past. And what was even more of a joke is that I was in worse shape and they didn't even call an ambulance, I just recovered in the nurses office and was sent home.

It's all a fu*kin' joke, I'm the one who has to suffer after suffering thru all the crap I've taken and this is what happens when you stand up to a bully. Some justice system we have. I'm not going back to the crappy school either, I am going to make sure everyone knows that its a politic-filled POS.

What does anyone suggest I do?

Hi Hexagram! Welcome to Wrong Planet! Check out the interesting and helpful articles and forums here. You are among friends here at WP!

Go into the Autism/Asperger's forum here. There is at least one post article with links to online tests you can take to see if you may be on the Autism/Asperger's spectrum. If you test out that way, make copies of the results to show your parents and doctor.

As for your problems with the other kids and school staff, first keep up with the martial arts training. You never know when you may be forced to defend yourself. The tripping during lunch was a violent act. It was intentionally done to cause you harm. You had a right to respond. However, one hit would have been enough, unless the other person continued with more violence. The second issue is to reduce the problems you are having. The best way is to HOME SCHOOL!! ! If your parents refuse to consider this sensible option then at least try to get them to transfer you to another public, or better still a private school. I suggest you tell them that they will have to do one of those things as you refuse to go back into that unhealthy and harmful environment. I would insist on it, as you are not going to get much learning done in such a hostile and hurtful place. You have a right to learn in a safe environment.

I am in my early 50s now. I do what I can to block my own school memories from decades ago, but I sometimes still have flash backs to my life in school hell. My problems started in kindergarten, and never stopped throughout school. I never could figure out why things went bad starting in kindergarten, as nursery school was okay, and I didn't change from one year to the next. But the kids sure did.

Please, please, for your own physical and mental health, and for your education, insist to your parents--as nicely as possible--that you are not going back, so they need to make other educational arrangements for you.

No one should have to go through that every day! Take care of yourself.

Absolutely agree.
Get out of there...home school, different school..start afresh somehow.

All the best to you.

ask your parents to withdraw you from that school. It will not get better. You need a fresh start and I'd suggest you keep a low profile at the next school. It's the best way to get through is what I've found. When you get to the new school go to the counselor and tell them you think you have Aspergers and would like the school to evaluate you.

Hi Hexagram

I am very sorry to hear about the situation you face and your experiences. There is already a lot of good advice offered, so I won't unnecessarily duplicate.

What I can add is from experience. Through reflection, I had quite a good experience at school on the whole until a shift occurred within me. When things were good I was the type of person that was able to laugh at myself when I had done something stupid, and when insulted for no reason I attributed very little weight to the words and was quite often able to shoot off a cutting response. During mid-high school, when everything changes due to hormones, the increased importance of popularity, and erections, I for whatever reason began taking things to heart and fostering hatred towards those that insulted me. There were some mongrels that simply enjoyed seeing the pain of others as a result of their mocking, and these people exist in most places, but for the most part I'm sure the insults were benign and intended to engage me in a sparring of words...a game is aspies are inclined to to not understand and be wounded by.

Your situation seems to have snowballed from that award incident in grade 6, and even though there were external agents that stoked the fire, they were reacting to the fire that was change in you. If you had of taken the award in fun, regardless of how you interpreted the smirks of others, things may have been very different. As you slowly travelled down the spiral of lessening self-worth and hatred towards those that tormented you, so to did those that tormented you changed to take advantage of your worsening position.

Regarding the girl that you asked to the social event...people change...and aspies don't adapt to change in others well. Everybody changes through their youth, and this change continues throughout life, but slows considerably from the onset of adulthood (regardless of what others say, this is at least 25 years of age). I 'lost' my friends to the drive for popularity in high school, and things changed considerably for the worse for me.

I hope that you get a fresh start, and I hope you take advantage of my shared experience. Please learn to not take yourself too seriously. Please learn to not foster hatred for others. It is the enemy that attacks from within. You don't have to take the game of verbal sparring seriously, but by the same token of that choice you must not take the words themselves seriously...keep in mind that for the most part the words are just the equipment in the game you don't want to play.

I have only learnt this truth in my 30's, and I promise you it is truth...with the exception of sociopaths that don't care what their malicious actions do to you, everybody else will see strength in you for not letting insults get to you. It is easier said than done, but life is not easy, and you must strive towards a position/environment in life that presents you with a level of challenge that you can meet...in the meantime you must push forward towards that goal and let your frustrations be the fire that motivates you towards the goal, not build anger and resentment in your heart, and let the fire within you temper a new and stronger you, not burn and destroy all that is good within you leaving only the ashes of hatred.

Those that have wronged you are despicable...find it within yourself to rise above this and this too shall pass.

Please be kind to yourself, and my best wishes are with you.

I'm not sure that withdrawing from school is the best advice at this point. You say you're a high school senior and it's mid April. That means 2 months to graduation. Try to stick it out and not get in any more fights no matter how unfair that seems to be. Life after high school is very different. If you're going to college that is different too. You're more likely to run into like-minded people there. Of course college can have its own challenges.

Fighting is often tolerated in school age kids but it's not in adults. Police get involved and people go to jail.

You might benefit from therapy to learn to let go of past injustices. It's best that those don't haunt you all your life.

Having read your story, I can't believe that most of the people replying on here are telling you to just deal with it.

File a lawsuit with the school. Seriously. It's unbelievable that a school would totally act like this. Thank god you're related to law enforcement because this is not right. Hey a lawsuit might be a longshot but having monitors witness you getting abused and then say that you started is bull. It's called a zero-tolerance policy and these people would rather take the side of the popular kids. Try to convince your parents to do this. There's a lot of info on the internet to help you out.

Any security cameras around?
That would help your case, if you decide to take that path.

Problem is- it's really up to his parents whether or not a lawsuit is filed. If they don't want to pursue one, he's SOL.

You sound like a danger to yourself and others, but also sort of awesome.

"Who's the F'n joke now!" if you actually said that, chances are you'll return to school after your suspension as a living legend.

The key to your defense, if you have to make one, will be that the guy was (according to your story) bullying you-he repeatedly harassed you (once pushing you over, once tripping you). If you make that the issue, rather than the fact that you screamed a heroic one-liner and went to town on a guy, you'll win in the public (and possibly legal) eye.

Hi everyone, thanks for all the advice and kind words.

After explaining to my parents more clearly what happened, we talked to my dad's cousin and he had a talk with the officer that works at our school (the officer at our school works under him). The main issue is that I was being suspended for the week, and the missed time in class is going to put me way behind, so what ended up happening today was the school officer got everyone's attention at lunch and didn't release anyone until someone gave correct details about the incident. Basically the school did an informal investigation, communicating back and forth with me, and what was ironic is that some renovations are being done so the cameras in the cafeteria didn't capture the scuffle in there. However, I mentioned the incident that happened earlier in the hallway after gym class and the cameras did catch the incident where the "jerk" shoved me.

I guess the "monitors" claimed that they weren't paying attention as they were seated and talking when I got tripped (it made sense because where it happened was a couple rows of tables over and the full tables might had blocked the view). They sprung up when everyone reacted to the fall and as they were walking over slowly, that's when I went nuts on the "jerk".

So thankfully they have evidence of the crap I was going through and they know themselves that I have been the butt of jokes for years. The fact that they haven't done nothing makes them just as guilty. I would never do something like this but what if I was seriously messed up and it ended up being another Columbine tragedy, I just don't understand how people can just stay silent about things, grown adults.

After raising these points again while we were communicating back and forth, the school came up with an odd idea that seems wrong, but on Thursday, they are agreeing to lift my suspension and they want me to go on stage in the auditorium and talk about bullying and why this happened. (The "jerk" will not be suspended as they felt he got his punishment.)

Needless to say, I'm a little worried about this, they said to just speak from your heart and apologize for going nuts but I don't know how well this will be received. I feel like as soon as I walk on stage, the negativity will rain down. The officer said that I really affected the demeanor as everyone was shocked after what happened.

I am still being suspended because of my actions, even though they agreed were justified, but obviously way over the line. I was scared myself as to what I actually did but my dad's cousin assured me that even if an assault charge was filed, that it wouldn't go anywhere. Because of how I was usually mild-mannered and was friendly with a majority of my class, a lot of people can't believe what I did, and maybe me going up on stage and explaining the whole thing can turn the perception around that I am a nutcase or something, but I don't know.

I really have no choice, like someone said earlier the year is almost over anyway. Plus I am in the top 10% of my class, if you can believe that I could do that while dealing with all the crap, but yeah I'm working on a final average of 94.

Does anyone think this will work, because I have my doubts. If not I have to wait until Tuesday to come back (my suspension was actually a full week so this Tuesday - next Tuesday), and I don't know what alternative would be better. It would seem going on stage would work but this school has been run ass-backwards for as long as I know, whose to say that it ends up being a trap...I don't know I'm just really confused about this and I don't know if an institution should be running things the way the do. I just never heard of anything like this before, so who knows?

Once again thanks for your help everyone

Sorry you had to go through all that, people are so cruel.
That's a good idea about you giving a speech on bullying you might make them think.

I was in primary school when I was bullied I got attacked after school and even had some of my hair pulled out.
I went to a special school after that and things were better there (I have a learning disability as well)

Anyway good luck with your speech and let us know how you got on you have friends here.

I'm having my doubts about this whole stage thing too. They're making it sound like you're still in the wrong and that you have to make a public apology for further humiliation. If anything the school should be apologizing to you for the way they have been treating you.

But I wouldn't sound too harsh about it if you are going onstage. I say apologize but make sure you make it a point to the audience that they were responsible for pushing you there...from the kids who laughed at you for getting tripped, to the monitors who lied about the situation. Tell them that years from now they'll look back on how they treated you with regret as the real world will not be so accepting of their behavior when they get out there. I'd also make this an opportunity to really stick it to that girl you asked to prom. A school who believes in ignoring the bullying will not have very successful graduates so thank god you are in the top 10%.

Again I do have my concerns about how this will play out but if you're being forced to, you can turn this into an opportunity. In two months time, no amount of locker pushing, tripping, laughing, and getting called creep will matter cause you will be one of the most academically successful kids in the school and they will still be themselves. I say pity everyone in that entire school for letting things be the way they are.

???.. Schools actually do that? Man they're bigger idiots than I thought.

Here's the thing, I say the speech is a good and a bad idea. If the person's not going to be there, you can apologize for the way you handled it. BUT that you were not responsible for what set you off, that person brought it on themselves.

I say a speech is pretty freaking awesome in one way. Even if people comment or whatever, you get to speak your mind to a squadron of morons.

I applaud you for standing up for yourself, its something that I and many others wish we had did to that level. Also possibly make a side apology, wishing that the kid you knocked to the table didn't lose anymore brain cells as he could not afford it. (He's a moron by the way)

Also tell them flat out that while you don't condone violence of any kind, you ESPECIALLY don't condone it when someone else initiates it.

Just because someone trips you and leaves it at that doesn't mean they're playing a practical joke, they're initiating a violent act and targeting your well being, emotionally, physicially and other wise. You had to show him, JUST how wrong that action was and did it in a way that you regret.. BUT you're glad the message rung clear as his head did when you hit it on the table.

What a douchebag.

Also thank your ex-friend sam, for not possibily hooking up with you in the future and contaminating you with whatever std crawled into her.

This is me joking, but I dunno. This seems real off that you owe an apology. I think its ineffective at best (or flat out ignored) if you don't at least say that you were not the one who provoked it and call other people out for their behavior.

I will say this, continue to remain strong and be the bigger person. You're pretty awesome in my opinion.

It is my understanding most school cafeteria areas have security cameras. If so, demand it be played back to show what really happened.

If not, then there is little you can do as evidence is lacking to back you up.


aside from that.. you did a damn good thing smashing his face in. I guarantee you that you will not be picked upon like that ever again. I doubt you will be expelled since its a first time thing and all you need to do is insist you were being bullied to the authorities and that will be that. Given the bad publicity schools are getting lately for their lack of bullying prevention i'm betting they will do anything to avoid their school getting media attention for it *hint*.