How to say No effectively.

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My last post was probaly deleted. My whole paternal family was going on at me to go talk to my wimp of a a father. Ive gotten into loads of arguments with them. Granny, Aunts, Uncles and cousins going on at me to talk to him. Theyve gotten my dads uncles whos ancient about 80 who acts like the patriarch of the family to try and get me to swallow talk to him. He says hes my father and she is his wife i should treat her like a mother. I respond no way. You know what she is like. Him being old fashioned. said shes is wife and she will always come first. I said i know that. SHE ALWAYS DID!! !! Then he proceeded to say I am the child and will get caned by him if i dont comply. I reminded him that I am younger, bigger and stronger than him. The meals on wheels wont be bringing him his food today. So im the only there who can cook for him and actually go out to get the food. The look on his face was priceless. I just called my granny to come feed him and I left.

Theyve all now taken to threatening to cut me out of their will. They are not going to leave me a share of their homes get sold. Thats fine i dont expect anything from them and I WILL NOT GO ANYWHERE NEAR THEM!! !! !! !! ! My paternal and mum and her extended family as well the witch, the father and step siblings all know how i feel about her. I have made no secret about it whatsoever. She made me have load of moods swings and made me become aggressive to the people around me. My dad made me uncompromisingly stubborn because he refused to stand up for me and put the woman in her place. Ive told them that.

Im looking advice on how to say no effectively as the witch and wimp have reconciled they are poor now and the witch is so unhappy. They now want to have dinner with the whole family. They have all agreed to it cause they care about him and are saying im going whether i like it or not. Ive told them no in loads of ways but still they think they can. They say kicking and screaming im going. They know me well enough to know i will be kicking and screaming and i am around her i will the witch up.

This is mostly a rant. How do you say no effectively in your struggles??

Your father and step mom are toxic people. I suggest that you make yourself scarce the day of the dinner. I also suggest terminating contact with your father and step mom, and any other toxic relatives, and make it clear to the relatives that you live with that you are doing this, as it is not healthy to spend time with toxic people. And tell them that the subject is not open to any further discussion, as you have a right to defend yourself from toxic people by avoiding them.

This means no more visits, no more phone calls, no more emails, and no more snail mails. Just cut them off. Send them one email to tell them what you are doing and then nothing more, unless they earn back their parent card.

^ As questor has said.

Ive never lived with them ( paternal extended family) Always lived with my mum and part time with them( being stepmother and dad) Ive moaned about them enough. Told mum of the things i did to the witch. She doesnt support the lengths i went to annoy her. Cutting them out of my life yes. The paternal family annoys me.

My paternal family lives miles away but visits and my gran lives in the town. they know shes toxic but they care about my father and put up with her. easy for them as they didnt stay at her house growing up. They say i should just suck it up. Ive been very adamant about that will happen when hell freezes over. Tried leaving me nothing in will. did not work. presenting a united front. Trying to get me to see it from her view point. Still didnt work. So theyve decided kicking and screaming im going. They said they will come to my house and drag me. Ive told them i will be kicking and screaming. Ive told them they will suffer for it. They laughed

Ive told my gran if that happens i wont the money train will stop. I sell a lot of her old people clothes and jewelery. I package them, send them away to the customer. Im looking for work and She has made a couple grand. She doesnt need but gives it to her kids to give to grandkids. Theyre all working full time but couldnt afford to go on holiday or buy designer clothes. IVE TOLD HER TO PUT THEM IN THEIR PLACE OR I WILL STOP THE TRAIN. they will be screwed and she knows that i am willing to do it and live with the fallout.

double post

My gran has been on the phone to the wimp and he asked that i dont go to dinner. She told him of the resistance. So there will be no dragging to dinner. The wimp now sees me as the problem. All the problems I have had with them were down to me. If i say anything about her again, he will beat me. Seems to have forgotten about i seen him and tescos and he admitted she made my life hell and he didnt stop it. the witch is glad of this. Gran and the rest of them know not to bring them up into conversation with me AND IF ME AND HIM GET INTO FIGHT THEY HAD BETTER NOT SIDE WITH HIM. Hes put the last nail in the coffin for us. I WILL NOT BE KEEPING MY DISTANCE. I WILL GO TO CHRISTMAS DINNER, I WILL BE TAKING OFFERS TO GO ON HOLIDAY, I WONT STOP GOING TO GRANS HOUSE AND I WILL BE GOING TO COUSINS WEDDING. I REFUSE TO BE PUSHED OUT FROM MY EXTENDED FAMILY. When my so called father gets older and more decrepped. two words Nursing Home.