What is the best way to cope with uncertainty?

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tjr1243
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16 May 2012, 10:37 pm

Having Asperger's makes it very hard to deal with anything that is not a sure thing. I cannot tolerate uncertainty, whether it is uncertainty of future or health or anything for that matter.

i am a worrywart:(

anything that has helped you deal w/ uncertainty, the "not knowing", may lose-it-all, no guarantees aspect of life?



glasstoria
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16 May 2012, 10:51 pm

I read the book When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron many years ago. It is one I have gone back to read over again. The buddhist perspective of nothing being fixed can be helpful, because it reminds me that hey we are all in the same boat. I can't be sure of what is to come, but neither can any other person. So what I can control ends up being my actions, and my reactions to others.

If there are specific events you fear, my therapist says having a plan helps. So we make plans for my fears like what if I panic when I am shopping at the store? My plan is that I have choices. I can check out, or I can leave my cart and someone will put it away. I can go to the bathroom and cry or I can go to my car and call a friend. If I have to, I can just go home. That makes it seem like an OK risk to take going to the store. I wont get stuck there forever. Having a plan does help. Then if your worried about event comes up, you know what you might do, or at least you know you have options.


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2wheels4ever
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17 May 2012, 1:14 am

If Buddhism says nothing can be fixed, how does one reconcile that many turn to Buddhism looking for solutions to their issues in life ie inner peace?

Certainties in life; death, taxes. To everything (turn turn turn) there is a season, as well as:
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OJani
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17 May 2012, 2:35 am

Having a plan B or even C is always a help. Sometimes it's ok just to let things happen. In practice most things are a combination of both. When you are planning (to do something) a bare minimum of 'to does' should exist, like taking your cell-phone fully charged and your ID-card with you.

By practice a lot of things that you've been unable to manage become gradually more acceptable / bearable over time. You learn about how to handle new situations, what scripts to use, what to do and think, and so on. It applies to many different areas of life, like getting a job, meeting people, making friends, going to holiday, taking excursions, shopping, attending school or college, etc.

When I was younger I used to panic a little when I got lost and left on my own devices on excursions.

Now, when I go to excursions or bicycle tours I have to carefully plan out what I will be doing, otherwise I'd get easily lost or forget about the time when the last train leaves, or simply leave out places I wanted to see. Also, planning is mentally satisfying somehow. Even if you wouldn't follow the plan accurately, you'd feel much more at ease to find a solution for the deviation.


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