Keep feeling so depressed, help!

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I hate depression, it's such a nasty feeling. I just want to keep lashing out at how s**t my life is. I want to just get away from it all. I am so unlucky it's unbelievable. My favourite bus-driver is not on my bus any more, and I know it sounds like a silly trivial thing to be upset over but it is not for me and it won't be to you if you heard the, like, 100-page story behind why it has upset me so much, but I am not going to write it because the post will be so long and nobody bothers to read it when it's too long so I just cut a long story short. (Anyway, harping on about my obsessions has not helped me socially in the past anyway, it has just chased friends away and made them not enjoy my company any more).

That's not the only thing I'm upset about. I keep feeling like a total loser compared to my cousins. They all have better social lives than me, they exclude me all the time, they spend time with eachother without asking me even though they're the same age as me. And I feel they laugh at me because I spend a lot of time sitting alone in my room while they're all out socialising, which is something I cannot do because my stupid f*****g social brain won't let me. It is f*****g TORTURE, fancy being born into a life where you desire to socialise yet at the same time socialising is hard for you, simply because you know you don't trust yourself and you screw up socially every time?

Wish I had the guts to kill myself and it'd then put an end to all my miseries. Because my life is going nowhere.

I, for one, am glad you "don't have the guts to kill yourself."

I know about depression. I know how hard it is to reach me when I am in a really bad place, so I know pithy words of encouragement are not going to do you much good. I also won't ask you "have you tried this?" or "whatever you do, don't try that." I would like you to seek help if it is available.

I just wish a whole bunch of people on these forums could get together in person and have a good time. I'm sure there are many people here who would find your quirkiness irresistible and who wouldn't judge you as harshly as you judge yourself when you "screw up," whatever that means.

Please take care. Sometimes anger turned inward can make you even more depressed, and you seem very angry with yourself. If it make you feel better to tell me I'm full of sh**, go right ahead.

Thanks for reading, I'm just feeling so down at the moment I don't know what to do. I've had a splitting headache all day, I don't feel very well, and mentally I cannot cope with life any more. There are plenty of able-bodied and able-minded people about who live on incapacity benefits, just to get out of having to work. My own neighbours are like it. They are happy, healthy, normal people, all they do is sit around socialising all day, smoking cigarettes, and they all seem to have cars and get about and they do things, so surely they must be able to do some sort of work, even if it's part time. I get angry because I really do struggle with things they don't, I can't cope with life, I may be physically able but mentally I am getting worse and worse by the month, and I've still got to look for work and attend appointments at the job centre every week and bear the pressure of it. I can't claim no incapacity benefits. I'm already going to be assessed for DLA and I will probably end up thrown in prison because my disability is so invisible to other people yet completely soul-destroying for me that it's just a no-way out thing. I don't want to be thrown in prison, I knew this f*****g s**t I've got wrong with me will cause me to end up in prison some way or another.

f**k ASPERGER'S, f**k IT RIGHT TO HELL I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN WITH IT.

As someone who suffers from severe clinical depression myself, I'd really like to encourage you to see a psychiatrist and try some antidepressants. A lot of people say bad things about them after trying one or two different drugs, and sometimes it can take several different trials of different meds to find what works for you, but once you do find it, it's amazing!

You can see things in proportion again, and not blow little things up into overwhelming situations. You can have hope and purpose in life again. You can handle the stress and bad times much, much better. They won't change your situation but they will change how you feel about it and how you think about it and give you the ability to change it yourself.

It can't hurt to try them.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

If you don't like side effects from the meds, they stop when you quit taking them. I've never heard of someone being permenantly messed up from a trial of antidepressants. I have AS (diagnosed) and I take antidepressants and it helps me. I've tried others which didn't and some that made me worse. These work. The ones that didn't work well for me, those side effects stopped within a week after stopping the meds.

It reallly can't hurt to try.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com