Dealing with exclusion (IMPORTANT)

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Hi everyone.

I have mild aspergers, also hearing impaired so I wear hearing aids. I can sign language as well but still speak and hear. I am 21 years old, final year of uni (4th year etc) studying environmental science. Will be finished this November. I live on campus, not a college, its a village because its self catered. For what I like I usually love to hang out with people especially from classes, floor mates or village/college mates for anything that is appropriate and assertive. I like sports, fitness, bowling, environmental stuff, sustainability stuff, social places (not big sh***y parties), movies, shopping, hiking, swimming, going on road trips, holidaying etc etc. Lot of people here at uni does all of above.

However the problem is the people I thought who are my friends are actually ALWAYS exclude from me for hang outs and that stuff etc. Every single time. So, for me it always ask people to hang out (to stuff I listed above), and they say lets go. Without such influence they appears have NO problem during the time. But the problem is always exclude me from other side. So I am so sick and tired for having everyone as a one sided friendship. One sided friendship is pretty much like disastrous! I always tend to find out my friend, who is American exchanger for this semester always hang out to places with her floor mates without me since she met them after we used to hang out and stuff. Now the times faded, making me feel awkward and dipshitting.

Now I tell you, I have NO real friend. That is I define that as an equal relationship. More of times one person ask to hang out and tell stuff in happiness's, then other time other person does a same. I never ever ever ever had that friendship in my life. Now I feel like a virgin for everything. No one insist to ask me.

I'm not a disaster, I don't have problems with myself. I am always happy, open minded, like hang outs and chill with people. But why it goes like this way?

I wish I could say I know exactly why you (we) always have to be the one to reach out first. Movies and swimming are activities that rule out talking in the first place, but if you like bowling enough to do that once or twice a week joining a league will give you a steady group of people to interact with, and they are usually varied in ages and walks of life. One thing that helped me grow was involving myself with anyone and everyone with a common interest, I increased my range by experiencing diverse personalities and levels of skill. Keep in mind that the majority of early-20s aren't all the same maturity, which is why I mention trying to meet other age groups. Look at me, I am 40 on the outside and maybe 20 in the inside.

What else can I say? Relationships are give-and-take, but don't build them on the quid pro quo so much. Occasionally when I think someone is blowing me off, I'll find out later that they felt inadequate around me! This is in a case when I'm performing music but more often I'm a wallflower in looser social settings. Your world will expand when you move on from your studies

Well she gave me a message about it:

I think she is having issues understanding what I am saying to be honest. I told her I have aspergers, she only one friend I have and that. Still she does not act like it. I don't agree with her saying this about 'listening' part, she certainly not getting what I am saying. I kept telling her that I am always the one who is singled out for hang out. She never ever ask me to hang out, even apart from her floor mates. I have so so much difficulty to get on hold with that, because she never ask me to hang out. I do, but why that is a problem? I hate being on one sided friendships, which is majority of my life. I don't want that f****d up friendships.

I am actually being honesty fully, but I think she does not understand me at all. I never seen her being so happy when I am around, compared I always see her being happy and interacting very well with her floor mates. That how I observed, as in facial expressions, long silences and that etc. Not sure whats is going on? We used to hang out a lot, just stopped until she met her floor mates. As putting too much pressure on my life because I am struggling to make friends on other hand. Its so so so so so so so hard to make friends which that appears to be easy to make one at uni. I always everywhere such as environmental groups, all classes prac and tutes, social sports etc etc. Off campus is harder because there isn't really get me going at all. Used to go bowling league. I see majority of people and their friends are actually at uni rather than 'just' off campus.

So my life is in jeopardy. I can't see such improvement of friendships at age of 21. Everything seems way too immature to me. As I mean not considering me to hang out while I consider them. If that so, well it may be true that everyone in world hates me so much for not telling me. Now this really pissing me off, people used me as a fake human being. She used me because I have a car, money, class mates. We never get conversation going other than our classes (we are in same classes etc). We faded so quickly after she hang out with her floor mates. Okay well, I tried to hang out with my floor mates, but one of them is actually very nasty. She called me weird, strange and creepy kind of person. Rest of them are actually never really talk to me in general, it just every time in kitchen thats all. They hang out with their class mates, not me.

I have no such idea how hard I am getting through, even 4th and final uni student. This is shocking to me! Very disappointed with people. I have no such idea why everyone has to be so cruel and eliminate me from everything, since I NEVER DONE ONE THING TO CAUSE THIS HAPPEN! Nothing at all, I tell you. I did absolutely nothing, ziltch, zero, innocent etc!!

I want an answer now. Why this is happening to my life? Why and how I got this cursed? Am I dying soon?

So, she didn't talk to me at all at class this morning. Walked out of class without me. She does that to me all the time, since we met. She had no words of me during the time.

RIP friendship, thanks for the disaster for not being a real friend to me.

Now my life is back where it used be that is I just get people around uni and classes 'only the talks' part and 'study' in the library. Nothing more than that. New semester brings another repeat of that. I believe that my friend who also was an American exchanger last semester is better out of it. I miss her lots.

I have this experiences most of the time.
i usually let people go...simply because i understand how boring i am and its a waste that anyone should hang around me
i dont have anything to offer neither i am fun to be with.
i prefer to be alone its serves me better.

Its potentially likely for that person is a loss. As in I mean its their loss for doing this problem. I believe that sense of nature that is, they are still immature. Especially at young age. Well I am quite mature at my age. Maybe that how I can see immaturity of people clearly.

Its devastating about this case. Well I am a lot happier than before, but entire time before I found out she never consider me as to hang out I was happy as well. That point is when I never knew what is wrong. When people say for honesty, that is a lie.

Can't believe that most of my threads in WP aren't really successful. Is it because I can't type properly? Why not ask me?

I used to be rejected because of my complete lack of talent in others (for their on-upmanship) and for what i was good at (for feeling inferior to me). It's mostly about people's stupid notions of needing to be better than everyone else.

What surprises me here is that your best friend is a girl. Outside of mating women are usually much better about dominant displays than men are.

Last semester I have this American exchanger, she is a lesbian which didn't bothered me. What make us as good friends that we understood each others. She used my times and that during the semester, studied together, hang outs around the uni and into the city or the islands. Also she never left me out socially. She considers me.

So different one this semester, she is not a lesbian. Our friendship started out quite a same as previous one. But the times changed when she started making friends with her floor mates and she sticking it to them. She never consider me at all. We went on trips, including to Cairns. Her attitude for entire time is upswinging all the time. It makes me confused why she accepted my intentions. But other times she never include me to hang out at all. So, most of time she hang out with floor mates.

She have lack of understand, all the time she say to me is honest. But I am confused why she is not telling me things. That would appear to be least honest.

So haven't talked to her for few days now. She didn't send me a message to me. I'm not apologising for this, because it makes sound like me blaming my disabilities for this case which seem quite negative.

So she still didn't talk to me. If I don't talk she doesn't talk. It has no intentions of her talking to me from first place. She is wasting her time badly.

Why people has to be so suppressed about it? Focusing on smaller world is plain stupid. She never really interact with people in her classes, but she does with her floor mates. I have no idea what is going on with her these days.

I still need a pay back for the money. Around $30....

Your friend's message seems to be a classic "you're just being paranoid" message. Your assessment of the situation seems to be in order but your friend doesn't want to hurt your feelings by admitting it. I've been in the same position as you are with this girl. The social exclusion and the lack of sincerity where also the issue.

I wasn't even paranoid at all! All the time I always the one who does the talking, hence one sided friendship. She still kept saying she is my friend, but my observation that she does not act like it. There a difference about that you know that? I never pushed her away as a friend, she does that to me since all the exclusion. Not considering to invite me to hang out, just she does it all the time with her floor mates. We are in same village on campus. She used to visit me earlier this year, we used to play pool together, we used to go to hang out at BBQ etc. Again, it has changed a lot when she hang out with her floor mates.....

I didn't do anything to make it like that kind of attitude or behaviour from her during the time. It appears that is a sort of competition going on?