How can I just accept my inevitable life time isolation?

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Tyazii
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21 May 2012, 12:22 am

I've never had any friends, nor a girlfriend. I tell myself that there's is no reason other than an evolutionary one for me to have friends or a girlfriend. But my emotions tell me otherwise. I just wish I could get rid of my emotions and live logically without this horrible misery that follows me around. It's illogical to be miserable. I'm more intelligent than average and I can do whatever I want. It would make me even more miserable if I was failing horribly at school. But people who have friends and a partner, but fail/ed at school, tend to be happier than me...Why? I can't reason myself out of my misery and I hate it.



redrobin62
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21 May 2012, 1:09 am

Wouldn't it be wild if you had a chance to look into a crystal ball and see your future?

At 26 - college grad, gainfully employed but heavy drinker
At 36 - one suicide attempt, still employed but without a girlfriend due to social issues
At 46 - married with 2 kids but the emptiness inside you always keeps the bottle at arm's length
At 56 - divorced, still gainfully employed but still drinking like a fish
At 66 - wondering "where did my life go? Is this as good as it gets?"

Not a pretty future, is it? My suggestion is to live for the moment and try not to think about a future life of isolation would be like. I seriously doubt at 16 you will have a life of isolation. Humans are too prone to get together with each other come hell or high water.



scubasteve
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21 May 2012, 1:58 am

You're only 16! Relax... Yes, having a partner tends to make one happier than getting good grades. But there is plenty of time for that. You're still very young. And aspies are often late starters. (I had my first gf at 23, for instance...) So yeah, take a deep breath, and try to be patient. But don't accept anything less than what you want in life.



Tyazii
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21 May 2012, 3:36 am

You don't get it...I don't want a girlfriend, and I especially don't want anymore "friends" unless there is something to be gained - that's what they taught me. The emotional part of me does. I can usually just "remove" these thoughts and feelings from my head. But I can't help dropping the barrier sometimes being some pathetic, lonely, social animal...



Rascal77s
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21 May 2012, 3:54 am

People- can't live with them, can't live without them. When I was your age I couldn't live without them, nowadays it's more like "who needs their drama". Just don't become someone that you're not just to fit in because you'll end up in a whole new sort of misery that makes being alone seem pretty pleasant.



scubasteve
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21 May 2012, 5:26 am

Tyazii wrote:
You don't get it...I don't want a girlfriend, and I especially don't want anymore "friends" unless there is something to be gained - that's what they taught me. The emotional part of me does. I can usually just "remove" these thoughts and feelings from my head. But I can't help dropping the barrier sometimes being some pathetic, lonely, social animal...


I see. But you can't remove your emotional side. It is a part of you. What you can do is learn to improve your social skills, so that in time, it will become less difficult to satisfy these emotional needs.



Mummy_of_Peanut
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21 May 2012, 6:29 am

<< Moved to the Haven, from GAD. >>



NeueZiel
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21 May 2012, 6:32 am

I think I had the absolute worst feelings ever regarding loneliness at that age too, so I think any advice I try to offer you would be moot. Try seeing a doctor, some anti-depressants can actually help a lot. Sorry if people consider this "drug pushing" or the wrong kind of advice, but living a long life of misery, especially during the OP's age, I like to offer solutions that have worked for me.

I recommend you get heavily invested into some hobbies you enjoy, do a lot of reading. The latter has helped me a whole lot, I always make sure I have a stack of queue of books to read. I play video games too but not as much. Like others have said, you're only 16, life and perspectives can change a whole lot by the time you're in your 20s. I think its GREAT that you like making good grades, I didn't and let myself get bogged down by so much garbage I dropped out in the 10th grade. Seriously, just absorb yourself in schoolwork, try talking to a doctor and getting some kind of anti-depressant to help, it won't be a miracle exlier but it will help to some degree. Try your best to avoid things that make you feel bad or remind you that you're lonely and give you these conflicting emotions. You can't lock out all your feelings, its unnatural,but you can be a lot more happy doing some of the things I suggested. Get obsessive about everything else, NO ONE who is dating in your age bracket is going to stay together anyway and all that time they spent will be wasted.

Don't see life as "Oh god I'm so lonely WHY AM I NOT WITH A GIRL" and see it as a quest for knowledge. Think "oh cool what can I learn now!" or maybe vent your frustrations in art, music or writing. I let the same kind of feelings you had destroy me for so long, but its not worth it. Not at all. People suck, so many of them. Your life is your own.

Also, for the love of all that is holy, please don't let your loneliness push you to seek out a long distance relationship, they are 99% of the time always destructive, not what they seem, a huge waste of time, venomous etc. Just don't. Keep reading, studying, doing your own thing, just don't do that.



MrBackward
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21 May 2012, 6:50 am

As scubasteve said your only 16 so relax.
I am 21 now and often thought to myself I wish that I was the only one here and everyone would leave me alone. While at highschool I started talking to my philosophy teacher and that really changed my life, i was heading down a dangerous road and he helped me put my existance into focus. If you can I suggest reading "the curious incident of the dog in the night-time" and watching "into the wild". For some perspective on isolation while remembering that what you feel today may not be the same as what you feel in 10/20/30/40 years.

5 years later and I am finishing uni with offers in some fantastic graduate programs and the option to do my honours, in the end I do feel upset some nights and I do occationally get angry at the world but the important thing is that you push forward and accept that this is how life is now but not as it always will be.


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