My Mother can really ruin my day

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Not really my whole day, but she sure ruined my mood.

I had been off antidepressants for a month because I couldn't afford them and was finally able to get enough to buy the Welbutrin by the week (14 for $11) and just do without the Lexapro, so I started taking it last week. I've been on it about eight days now and it's started to kick in. I was in a fairly decent mood, got done what I needed to get done around here then walked over to my Mothers to take her some of the sausage I cooked and something my older daughter printed out for her.

I'm not going to go into everything, but it did not go well. My mother has borderline personality disorder and also anytime she talks to my oldest son who not only hates me now because his dope ho baby mama hates me, he makes up crap about me, she gets b*tchy to me again. I had been doing for her for several days while she had been feeling bad and my son wouldn't return her calls, but he called her this morning and so suddenly I'm the enemy again.

I wasn't there five minutes before she was making her snide insinuations and even yelling at me, so I told her that if she was going to be that way, I don't want to be around her and left. I'm used to her getting like that, but it's really ruined my mood. On top of that, my husband was gone all day yesterday and last night to his mothers house, and he will be back soon, and he just has this real negative vibe that I hate that just sucks the energy right out of me. So I try to not be in the same room with him.

It'll get better. It's no crisis, I just wanted to vent and I did it here because I didn't want to go on about it to my daughters.

Why does the "dope ho baby mama" hate you?

I yelled at her two years ago after getting fed up with how she was threatening my son. She even kicked him in the nuts the day before, right in front of me and his sisters because he was wanting to go down to the dock and fish with his dad and uncle. She's honest to god crazy. She's made up horrible and ridiculous lies about me, spread them all over town and told them to my other family members (who don't believe them - well except my husbands family, they believe them) and she's cut his siblings out of his life because they didn't side with her when she told them to choose me or her and my son and their baby. She really did that. Who does something like that? It's crazy!

I honestly don't know what is the matter with her. She's been in and out of psych units, attempted suicide a few times, is on some pretty serious drugs (but won't take psych meds cause she's afraid of them), etc. When I met her I thought she was such a nice girl, and I wanted my son to be with her. She was in love with him and he didn't like her, and I encouraged her to hang around because I thought that she might settle him down.

I didn't notice how obsessive she was over him. She was sooooooo nice to me and my other kids and we just loved her. She was one of the kids who hung around here, and at the time a lot of kids hung around. After they got together (it started with sex) she didn't want him to come around our house as much (he had moved in with her) then for some reason she didn't want anything to do with any of us. He would call sometimes, or drop by sometimes, but we would go months without seeing or hearing from him. Then when she had the baby she wouldn't let any of us see the baby except for very short visits, and not very often.

We had never done anything to her. We had been nice to her, and we genuinely liked her for a long time. I hadn't ever yelled at her before and after I did, that as it. She told my son that if he had anything else to do with me she would leave him and take the baby. For yelling at her. Really.

He comes from a close family. My kids are close and my whole immediate family is. We like doing things together. My kids love each other very much and are all good friends with each other. My son and I were very close, as he was my first and it was just me and him at home all day for four years before I had the next baby. We were also friends too as he got older. My guess is that she felt threatened by the fact that he loved and cared about other people besides her and the baby. Of course it's a different kind of love, but I don't guess she can see that. He's always been easily swayed and I have no idea what she's said to him about me but he says he hates me now, etc. He says vile and untrue things about me on FB and my other kids have even blocked him because of it after trying to tell him thats crazy, untrue and where did he come up with something so insane?

So, oh well. And yeah, she's a dope ho. He almost left her a few months ago after a friend of his who was staying with them told him that she was giving him oral sex after my son went to work. Really. Almost left her. She had admiited it to him as well, but after she saw that he would leave her for it, she backtracked and said something else that convinced him that it wasn't true. It was. Several of the boys that are my son's friends have said she's done the same to them.

So, that's the story. She's a nut!

That sounds terrible. Is there any reason that you must have contact with your mother? It sounds like you might need a break from her attitudes and opinions. I know mothers have a special way of getting under our skin.

Keep in mind when someone has BPD nobody has to tell them anything special to fuel their tirades, they have a natural instinct to twist things around to fit their bitterness. I am experiencing the latest to-do with my mother also. The last silent treatment was so uncomfortable I caved and apologized for whatever invisible slight I perpetrated. This time I'm doing a fair job of sticking to my guns; she knows how to reach me and the appropriate behavior she has to display before I'll allow contact again. So far I've been able to resist the initial hoovering attempt but I'm 'freezing' in anticipation of having to settle the enmeshed financial affairs. I really don't want to have to see her while she's still in 'troll' mode

If there is too much risk of pain every time you have contact with your mother, do your own thing, keep your boundaries between you and her; if the kids want to continue contact, fine but have them not talk to you about her and vice versa. When she wants to crawl out of her pity pot and stop behaving badly toward you, then pick it up and be happy

Unfortunately I don't think there is much you can do about this situation. Your son might eventually come around but I think it will have to be on his own. I would leave them alone and not involve yourself because I don't think it will have a favorable outcome for you if you do.

As for your mother, you can't control her behavior....she probably can't even control her behavior, but you can choose not to ride her emotional roller coaster.

She lives across the main road from me, and we are her only family other than my son and his baby mama. Her health is not good and she needs help with things at times. She can't pay anybody to do that, she gets social security and a small pension (just enough to pay her rent) and that's what she lives on. There is also a good chance she's going back into the hospital next montth for more surgery.

If I didn't do for her, nobody would. My son does for her around the time she gets her money and she pays him about $100 to take her to the grocery store, etc that day. She goes to about four places here in town. They are all within a two miled area. He comes from fifteen minutes away. When she has no money to give him, he's not around to help except occasionally.

I have to continue some contact with her because she has to have some help. When she gets like this, I don't go see her, talk to her, etc unless she calls and says she needs me for something. Then I do what I have to do and get out.

She pisses me off, she doesn't hurt my feelings.

I'm sorry you are going through that with your mother. I understand completely.

My mother doesn't cause me pain she pisses me off. She lives across the main road from me, a five minute walk. There are things I have to do for her because I'm the only one who can.

It's not a major problem for me, I've dealt with her all my life, the most she can do to me now is ruin my mood. I stay away when she's like this except for as needed things.

No, there isn't anything I can do about my son. I have stayed away and left them alone for two years now, but they still sometimes, out of the blue, start another attack with rumors, etc. I don't know what causes it, maybe she thinks about me and that does it, or somebody mentions me in conversation. I don't think he would suddenly come up with an idea to try to get me when nothing's going on. He's never been that way. Then again, he's never been like he is now. I don't do anything about the situation, and I do leave them alone. I've known from the start that there is nothing I can do about this, so I don't.

I am very aware that I can't control her behavior. I don't want to. I simply posted this because my mood was ruined and I wanted to vent about it. It's not an emotional roller coaster with her because I don't get upset over it. I get pissed off, but my feelings aren't hurt. She doesn't have that kind of power over me. There are things I have to do for her, because there is no one else to do them, and that's just what you do. When she gets like this, I cut off contact until she calls and needs me, then I do what I need to do and get out. I've done it that way for quite a while now. When my son doesn't call her, she gets needy and lonely and I'll visit her, then he returns her call and she's like this. I always expect this, it's never a surprise. It can simply ruin a good mood when it hits out of the blue.