I think I'm a horrible person

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Other people have always made me feel this way. I have known one or two other Aspies at school, and they were much more socially accepted than I was, even though my condition was as mild as theirs, and I was at the same sort of level of social and self-awareness as they were. This always got to me.

I remember in my last year of school I had 2 friends who were unpredictable; one day they were friends with me, next day they were being bitchy towards me when I know I hadn't done anything wrong and I knew they were just behaving like that just to be horrible and make me feel bad. But we had another friend who was on the Autistic spectrum too, and also had Epilepsy, but she was never left out of their little group and they never was horrible to her. So these 2 girls can't have been horrible people, because horrible people would normally pick on people with Epilepsy, especially if they had an ASD aswell, whereas I never picked on anybody about anything and just accepted people for who they are. One of these bitchy girls who was supposed to be my friend was from India, and I was as nice to her as anybody else was, I was never racist towards her and I tried to make her feel welcome at our school just like the others did. But they were still nasty to me and yet let other socially awkward people into their group.

Even now I've seen old school friends on Facebook (I haven't added them) and they all speak to eachother still, and one of the bitchy girls still has this Epilieptic girl as her friend and they chat on Facebook, and I'm just completely forgotten and had to make new friends. I have even added one of two people who I used to know at school and they have asked me to go out for coffee with them and I've replied things like ''yes, when would you like to meet?'' or ''are you free next week-end at all?'' and they haven't bothered to reply since, and yet they go out and spend time with other girls.

So I must be a really horrible person then, if even other Aspies get more socially accepted than I do, even though I can pass off as NT aswell. It is very damaging to my self-esteem.

Try to forget about them.
Move on, don't dwell on it.
It happens to blokes, too. People we thought were friends don't 'hang in there' with us over the years. But I do have a couple of mates that are still very friendly.

I do try to forget about them and move on, and it's not that I want to be friends with them because I don't. But it's just the principle of the matter that is making me feel confused and upset, not anything to do with desiring their friendship.

Do you think negatively about yourself because you feel so worthless?
It seems that it is a rarity to see you actually happy considering the amount of threads I've seen by you focusing on negativity.
I am aware that I do focus on negativity.
Life's too short to think about what could have been, you have to live for today...
I wouldn't say your horrible, besides I think I'm a total jerk.

<----- Thinks Joe90 should forget about her school friends and move ahead.

<----- Thinks redrobin62 has said the answer in a nutshell.

I don't know why you aren't friends with girls from your school, but I'm sure it's not because you are a horrible person. I'm not friends with the girls I knew in High School either, I doubt we would have much in common these days.

Actually I remember being picked on during school years by a lot of people... then a few years later I find that one of the people who did killed himself due to unhappiness with life...
Didn't get on with each other but most of me thinks I should be the dead one and not him...

I don't think you are a horrible person. I think you don't like yourself very much for some reason. I wish that wasn't the case. You seem pretty nice to me.

Sweet Pea hugs

<----- Thinks Facebook is DESTROYING the world! Run for your lives!

<------- Agrees.

But to add one other important point, I don't think how accepted you are necessarily means you're a horrible person. I won't pretend to know much about you, but from the posts of yours I've seen, I certainly don't have the impression you're a horrible person (and I do recall a fair number of your posts, since I read a lot of threads I don't post in, and I have a better than average memory). And I have observed that sometimes there are other reasons (besides prejudice, although that certainly can be a reason) people aren't socially accepted.

Some people's personalities just don't seem to be as good a "fit" with the people around them, even when they're perfectly decent people. Meanwhile, other, horrible people do get accepted. (If being a horrible person equated to a lack of social acceptance, then Adolf Hitler would never have won anyone's vote but his own...)

Or sometimes it's just a matter of interests that are too different. I am not interested in sports, so a lot of perfectly decent guys think I'm boring or stupid or both. I'd like to think that lack of interest doesn't make me a horrible person, though.

Non illegitimi carborundum

You don't sound like a horrible person; you sound like a person with low self-esteem.

You can't let other people's lack of acceptance shape your self-image: you're not who other people think you are; you're what you strive to be. You need to forget about these people and do the things that make you feel good. If you don't like something about yourself, endeavor to change it, not for anyone else, but for yourself.

If you feel good about yourself and the world, you will find other people who like you. Don't waste time on the ones who reject you; they're not worth the effort.

That's the lesson I've learned from life.

you dont sound so bad.

The title was more sarcastic, I didn't think I was a horrible person either.

I am going to stop writing new threads on here, I'm so sorry I'm full of doom and misery but I really do have a low self-esteem I'm so sorry I was born unconfident.

There is no need to stop writing threads on here. This is The Haven, it's meant to be doom and gloom! I don't think anyone is born with a lack of confidence, but it gets slowly kicked out of us as we go through life. It's not your fault that has happened to you. I'm sure most people here can relate to that feeling.

Some of us aren't so good at sarcasm. I'm quite good at being sarcastic, but terrible at telling if someone else is or not. I take things literally. I was on the train and I asked the man with the buffet trolley if I could please have a packet of crisps and he said 'No' as a joke (although I can't see how that would be funny) and so I went to put my money away because I really thought he wasn't going to let me buy any crisps So in my head when I read the title I thought that you were actually thinking you were a horrible person. I'm glad you don't really think that.

I think you just have a tendency to overthink things a bit, and that's OK. I'm not sure if I can give good advice or not, but if you just want to vent you are welcome to PM me if you don't want to post it. I also have a tendency to over think things, and I think it's good to write it down or talk it through with someone. Obviously, some people don't understand and get frustrated with us going on about the same things. I used to talk to my hamster, I know that probably makes me a lunatic but just saying it out loud (or typing) can clarify things a bit.