Control over my life

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Hi,

I'm usually quite a chirpy chappy but certain things do get me down. And one major one is people taking even the most basic things in my life out of my control. Examples:

1) People not letting me pay my way at group things.
2) People ruining my pet dog's diet even though I have to explain I feed it twice a day, and this happens every day. I also have to explain every day. Today my dad thought the best thing to do for my dog which doesn't eat certain food, was to buy 2 more bags of the same certain food we already have a bag of, open one so he couldn't get a refund (it's a multibuy) and keep trying to talk to me in vein I might agree it works despite the dog going hungry.
3) People taking control of my own money (perhaps a good thing to some degree).
4) People interfering with my diet by buying me food that they expect me to eat when I have said almost daily I am on a strict diet plan.

The main culprit of the above is my dad. Is he a control freak?
How can I convince people to leave me to my own devices on the above things? It's such basic stuff I'd like to think any other human would like to have management of this. It's not like I suffer learning difficulties or am naive of people, I am a very mentally capable person and very well domesticated.

Yes, I know what you mean. I have Executive Function Disorder as a comorbid, so my life and my place are very disorganized. I also have health problems that leave me tired and without energy, so it's hard to keep up with the chores. However, I can't stand for others to help me out with stuff, as they won't do things my way, and will criticise me while "helping" me. That's part of why I can't stand to have relatives over here. It's very stressful for me when they come over, and I can't wait till they leave, but I have to try not to let them know that.

I don't know of any way to stop the people who think they are helping, when they are only stressing one out more, at least not without upsetting them, and hurting their feelings.

I don't mind people helping me out or offering to help me if I know that I am unsure or worried about something and I know that they are/will set things straight for me. But when I am happy with my diet or my clothes or just the way I live and then I get people interferring (who aren't no better themselves), that's what makes me feel rather anxious. Criticising and lecturing overwhelms me, and I could do without it, unless I have specifically asked for help. People seem to think I am more vulnerable and oblivious to danger than what I really am, so they think they could set me right by controlling me, which is not what I want. OK, there are a lot of things in life that I will need support with, but I'm capable enough to know when I get stuck. So far I haven't been oblivious to any sorts of danger or anything like that, when I have come into a difficult situation where I need support, I always know I have and so try to find a solution by being thankful to people who offer to step in and help. Otherwise, I don't like people lecturing and criticising things that I am happy with doing.

I can relate to this. I share a house with others and one of them got it into her head I was on a raw food diet (I'm not). She questions what I am eating like she has a right to intervene. She tries to boss me about and push my boundaries and I find it stressful. She's studying to be a psychotherapist so I wonder why she doesn't listen or take me seriously.

I asked for advice from one housemate. Big mistake! He basically told me everything I believe about myself, the world, other people is wrong and I need to change the way I see the world or I won't be happy like him. He's always trying to give little nuggets of wisdom and positive thoughts to "help" me be a better person, instead of doing what would really help - listening to my concerns and assuring me I'm accepted as I am. He gives patronising "advice" instead of taking time to hear me.

At first when people meet me they assume I'm NT, but once people realise I have trouble dealing with stuff they want to tell me how I should be - more like them.

Sweet Pea hugs

I'm hoping TheDoctor82 has the answer to this one; I frequently find myself making the mistake of telling someone I'm having an issue with something. Last week I had my dad butting in on a project I was working on, implying that the way I've done it countless times for 6 years on a professional basis was wrong

Is it possible for you start taking steps towards being in a position where you can move out and live on your own? If you set that as a goal, you could talk to your Dad about it and explain that when he undermines you by taking away your sense of control in your day-to-day life, it is a set-back in terms of what you're working towards. If he sees the situation in those terms, he'll probably want to support what you're trying to do for yourself and back off a little bit.