tl;dr: I'm the most discontent person that I know.

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Today has been kind of rough on me, but like most days, it has been difficult in spurts. The late morning to afternoon was kind of uneventful - I went shopping with my family and got food. But then, several hours later, I went to driving school, and I began to take a turn for the worse.

Even though I am seventeen years old, I never really started to learn to drive ASAP. In my state, teens can start to learn at 15 years and six months of age. So, I was in a room full of at least eighteen other teens who also happened to be mostly female, mostly about two years younger than I am, and exclusively NT. That alone didn't bother me: the bad part was how they interacted. These kids almost all walked in with friends, and if they didn't, they knew when their BFFs were heading in because they actually can get a hold of their friends/neighbors/classmates. In essence, I was alone in a large group.

I would have talked to them, but these teens were almost begging to not be talked to. This will probably sound catty or shallow, but usually when I see another teenager, I can tell how popular they are with their peers. If I saw someone like me, I'd see an outspoken cynic who is mainly ignored because she is too self-conscious. By some combination of their outward appearances and their interactions with others, I could tell that these kids were the "popular" ones. Normally, I would not care about this, but I don't mean "popular" as in benign and friendly; I mean "popular" as in exclusionary, finicky, and very cliqueish.

This is probably because I am currently not in school, but this experience made me think about my social life. I have friends at school, but I usually hang out with the ones whom I have classes with during the day (I only seldom see any of my friends outside of school). Therefore, I can literally go a month or so without even saying hi to those who actually pay attention to me simply because they are a grade or two below me in school and/or have vastly different schedules.

So, basically I began to feel like crap, as per usual. I feel so alone, especially since I can't see the people whom I want to be with until I go back to school. I'm going to be stuck with my well-meaning, but boring and frankly grating family for too long. I have been wishing to do stuff with my friends, but I'm a horrid planner and I don't even have a good way to get a hold of people aside from Facebook. I *never* get invited places, and everyone else does.

And then people wonder why I feel so sorry for myself, and why I often say that "I'm not good enough." It's because it seems like no one my age likes me. My almost completely adult family likes me, but they put up with me more than praise me. My teachers at school adore me, but I want attention from my peers more than them. My entire graduating class thinks I'm invisible, and the other people I know at my school who aren't high school seniors are people whom I never run into anyway.

Worst of all, it's almost 2:00 a.m. in my time zone, and I'm trying to fight back tears. If you guys need any more background info, please let me know. :/

I wish that I could meet you in real life so that we could hug each other. Your experiences are so similar to mine.

Aww, thanks! It means a lot to me to not be the only one going through this. I was expecting the responses to be along the lines of "You think you've got it bad? Here's my experiences...!".

To be honest, joining this forum has been enormously helpful to me. I may obviously have not many posts yet, but even lurking around and seeing what other people with similar skill sets and challenges to mine have gone through puts my experiences in perspective. I may be unhappy with my social life, for example, but I think I hold myself up to NT social standards a lot. When I look at the high school experiences of other aspies, nearly all of them had only one or two other friends, and many of the posters would think that their friends were aspies in hindsight. I may not see my actual friends often ,but I have more than enough people to talk to in a day. In fact, half the reason that this post was so emotionally charged was that I was unknowingly really tired when I wrote it.

Both sleep and WP really make me look at the big picture...

I'm glad your feeling better TomboHikoki. . Your experiences with school friends sound a lot like mine except I did not have any desire to socialize outside of school & I did not really miss them when I wasn't at school; I guess I was more withdrawn. I'm NOT telling you that to belittle your situation or anything. I would suggest that you try to get a little closer with your friends outside of school like invite them to your house to hang-out or go tot he movies with you or eat out somewhere or something so it would be easier for you guys to stay in touch when summer comes. I lost touch with all my high-school friends soon as I left the graduation ceremony & I have mixed feelings about that. I would also recommend that you post more when you have something bothering you or on your mind because I find posting in this community to be quite helpful to me

True. I find posting here to be cathartic. I should do it more often.

Also, I don't mean to spew out a string of excuses, but I'm horrid at planning things with friends. I can't drive, and most of my school friends really seem indifferent to me. To give you an idea, I've been asked to do things with friends outside of school about five times in four years of high school. Only one of those times was with a group of people; the other four times were invites from one friend of mine in particular. Not to knock on her, but sometimes I feel like seeing other people, too.

And to put it in perspective, there have been at least two people who have told me "we should hang out or something sometime," but neither of us ever plan anything.

I relate to all that too & I don't think there is anything wrong with not really doing things with friends outside of school if your OK with that but I would suggest trying to change when your back in school if your not OK with that because it would be harder the longer you wait. Have you figured out what your gonna do after you graduate yet? It might be easier for you to make new friends then but it may not be. I had some friends when I was working but we kind of lost touch when I left those jobs. The couple friends I still have I hardly ever see & we don't talk on the phone or text a lot either. I find it a lot easier for me to make friends online This community can a good for that if your an active poster & take some imitative & message people & your welcome to message me if you like

Well, in my case, I do have a desire to talk to my friends outside of school. It's just that I figure that if they like me enough to be my friend that *they* would ask me to do something with them, not me. It's probably worth the hassle, though.

Also, I do know what I'm going to do after I graduate. I've pretty much made up my mind about my major (I'm thinking of studying print and web journalism). Despite being heavily involved in my high school's newspaper, there are practically no room for peer friendships there. My colleagues are even more cliqueish than the driving school girls. The only good thing about the people in that program is my adviser, but honestly I'm looking at actually befriending my peers, not my teachers (my teachers honestly seem to like me more than my peers, though).

And I don't work. I've tried applying for jobs in the past, and even got to the point of being interviewed once, but I've never gotten any work. While I'm at it, I'll mention that school takes my mind off of my worries, but the second that I come home from school, they return since I get bored.

They may assume that you aren't interested in doing things with them sense you are introverted & may not pick up or respond to their subtle social cues.


I was unemployed for a couple years before I got my 1st job. I was extremely lucky to even get an interview sense I had no previous work experience. It may be a little easier for you to find something after you graduate because you would have a high-school diploma & would be over 18. Lots of places are more hesitant to hire you now due to child labor laws & being in high-school

You bring up a good point about my friends assuming that I'm uninterested. When I seriously consider their thought processes, that would make the most sense.

As for the job thing, I agree there, too. I'm one of the younger students in my graduating class (I'll actually be 17 for a week or so after I graduate), but I find it ludicrous that one of my classmates can get a job cleaning up mouse cages at a pet store just because they were born a few months before I was.

Yeah, growing up does hurt. There's a guy out there whose opinion is that "everyone in their early twenties in America should get a medal simply for surviving their teens."

If it helps, yeah, I was the kid who had few or no friends his age, but adored, and was adored in turn, by many of the teachers. Frankly I still think to this day that many of my teachers were way more stand-up people than the majority of the kids I was in class with. This probably stands to reason since those teachers tended to have a good bit more life experience than any of the kids.

If I were doing this again, I wouldn't judge myself through the eyes of my peers. I don't think you should do this to yourself, even for as clearly as you understand those eyes.

Well, I agree. I probably should not judge myself from my perceptions of other people's opinions. Most people who meet me for the first time seem to actually like me as a human being. There's only about five people whom I have had significant problems with, but there's at least a few dozen who simply sit on the sidelines and don't seem to do anything.

Overall, my main problem is that I am extremely negative. I always say that there's nothing to be positive about. Many counter that train of thought by saying that I should count my blessings. I even find problems doing that! Here's a rather extreme, albeit fictitious example of my thought processes:

My personal problem: After learning that the guy that I've had a crush on for about six months finds me extremely annoying, I vent to one of my friends about my experience. Said friend says "Plenty of people love you!" citing herself and my teachers. She continues, saying that I should be happy that all of my needs are met and that I'm not abused or ill.

My mental response: People may love me, but they certainly don't approve of me. That guy doesn't, for one. And I'm pretty sure that that girl doesn't, either. If she did, she'd talk to me more than once a week at the vert most. My family may be loving and secure, but I feel that they only love me because I am their relative. If they were like friends and chose to associate with me, that would be different. Sure, my teachers appreciate me, but they have reason to: I'm a pleasant enough student who isn't defiant.

And even if they didn't love me, I should not think about my predicament and instead focus on the fact that I have a roof over my head!? Perhaps this is my inner upper-middle class teenage self showing, but people are supposed to have somewhere to live, food and water to consume, clothing to wear, and someone who actually cares.

That sounds like a rather dismissive response.



Dismissive...and a bit patronizing. I can't say I blame you for feeling the way you do.

For your own sake, however, I hope you can turn around the way you think about yourself. You are going to have to learn to find positivity from yourself and what you can/want to do with your life, not from the approval (or lack thereof) of others. I know that sounds corny/trite, and I'm not trying to minimize the way you feel, but you are really the only person who can make yourself happy.

You mentioned wanting to study journalism. Get into that after graduation as soon as possible.

I've found that the so-called "popular" people you meet in high school often have very little left after high school--those really are the best years of their lives. Yours, however, are just beginning.

I know what you mean. To be honest, my self-esteem problems have been going on for probably longer than I've had significant problems with other people. I can remember thinking very negatively every once and a while from about age eight on. On the other hand, around that age, my peers loved me. They considered me to be a smart and funny friend.

But around age ten, I entered fifth grade, which in my school district meant that I moved to an intermediate school (fifth and sixth grades) with kids from all of the elementary schools districtwide. My classmates were nearly all people that I didn't know, and I decided to not make any friends that year. It took me about three or four years to get over being socially overwhelmed that year.

When I really think about who I am rather than what people think of me, I actually like myself. I guess I should remember this, and try to remember that at least some of the "popular" people will be unsuccessful in life.

That says a lot. Keep doing that.



Exactly.

Alright, thread necromancy time: my last few months of high school were tolerable, thanks to one person, my now-boyfriend. He was one of the people I dismissed in the past (mainly because he was two grades below me, seemed to have a whole bunch of friends sitting around him (I didn't feel as if he needed any more), and because I never saw him (we only had a single semester class in common).

But one day before spring break, we started talking - a lot. Apparently, he had the same relationship problems as I did in the past, and he was really unhappy, too. We were there for one another throughout our emotional struggles, and we grew closer through them.

Basically, having one person there who I really connected with changed my entire outlook on life. I was partially correct in the past - my friends weren't particularly good ones, but also wrong. I doubt that my whining helped matters. And then it hit me how unimportant everything in high school was. I barely talk to my friends now barring my boyfriend...granted, one of them would get in touch with me if she weren't on vacation in China, but that speaks volumes on the others.

Interesting note: a few months back, it felt like everybody in my senior class was dating. Now? Half of those kids are single on Facebook...they must have been really important to each other. XD

Sweet Pea hugs