Why do I bother?

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Well, another "friend" just bit the dust. I wonder why I always believe people, especially NT's, when they say they understand, or they can relate to my particular issues, and then when communications break down, I am left beating up on myself, wondering if I should not have shared this, or shared that, or confided the other...Either way, I am left feeling stripped, vulnerable, and exploited when the curious NT has gotten their fill, and now move on to the phase where they try to "cure" me. This so called friend, has so far tried to convince me that if I didn't want to have AS any longer, I had only to view this special video tape, or listen to this special CD, or read this certain book, and I could just magically wish it away through the power of positive thinking! She e-mails me obscure findings about vitamins or chemicals that may make a difference. When I tell her that I have no desire to cure AS, she is stunned. I have gone through this so many times, where people either try to fix me, or think that I don't really have a problem, or anything but plain accept me.

"...it all comes
down to this -
just let it all be.
Step over here
where it is cool,
out of the battle.
Why not give it a
try?" -No Ajahn Chah

Hi -

I'm an NT, and while it might be kind of silly for me to issue a blanket apology for all the clueless NT's out there, I'll do it anyway I'm the parent of an AS son who's almost 6, and we're just starting out on his journey... My hope for him is that he will be accepted without the pity and self-richeousness that you seem to have encountered in NT's who think they're doing you some kind of service. I'm not a perfect parent, and I can't claim to always understand my son's perspective, but I do know that he has the right to have it. Please don't give up on all of us NT's -we screw up occasionally, but we're not all boneheads

Oof, when you said "Well, another "friend" just bit the dust" I was really confused because I thought your friend had died. After half a minute of looking back and forth at the beginning and the end, and then finally starting to read it though, I got ya!

It's partially true though. My Mother, the NT extrovert (although I love her to bits no matter what), used to get angry at me when I would sit with maths books and study them for hours, or disappear off for 14km runs and end up somewhere in Mitcham... But now she understands me. NTs just take time to adjust to these things. My Mother now helps me to learn "social rules" and teaches me things every day. She even advises me on what to say to people. Without her, I would be like an Autistic Savant i.e. amazing at maths, but not functioning in every other aspect.

That's why I don't deal with the people away from WP, who don't go to my clubhouse. You all know me, here. Most of the members at my clubhouse know me, so they know what to expect from me. I don't deal with anybody else, except for my mum.

Thanks for the responses. One thing I've been trying, is to make a list of what would constitute a good friend to me. If the person is not meeting the criteria, then I won't make as much of an effort to sustain the acquaintance. This whole friendship thing still has me stymied, anyway. I guess I keep reaching out, because I grew up in a family of ten siblings. most of them are on the spectrum. But now, we're all grown up and scattered, and I miss having my own "crew" of people who automatically understand me, even if we didn't always get along. Thank goodness for WP. That's as close as I'll get, I guess, to what I once had. And I won't give up on NT's, Hexel, but I will observe far more caution in letting my guard down in the future. The sad thing is, that in reading a lot of the posts on WP about failed relationships, it seems almost inevitable, this slide into deeper and deeper isolation, as the slings and arrows of venturing out there, grow tiresome

WP... My Godsend!

List of friends:
Mum...

Errrrr....

A few people I say hi to and chat for a minute with at school?

Umm....

*Lost*

Sounds exactly like my situation. Except for the holistic treatment for AS part. But I lost a friend just last Friday. The only one I had, as a matter of fact. I do have to ask about your sex, however, because that can really complicate things if you're male and your friend was female (my situation). A male with AS trying to maintain any kind of relationship with a female (or vice versa, I suppose) is kind of like trying to play golf blindfolded at the bottom of the ocean--chances are very slim you'll ever make any real progress or stay in the game.

I'm female, but I am not looking for a relationship at all. I'm AS too and frankly, I am completely disinterested in relationships. I would prefer an understanding relationship. I lost a couple of friends last academic year, and they were good ones, so I can understand.

When people try and 'cure' you, maybe they mean well, but it's like they are saying 'you're not OK as you are'. You are OK as you are. We all are. In fact, everyone here is splendiferous!