Senior friend won't leave me alone

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Hi everyone,

At a meeting a few months ago for a society I'm involved in, a long term member came who I'd never met before. He was about 60-70 years old and rather senile, but knew lots about the history of the town I live in, and the history of rail in my state. We got talking for ages and he was really interesting and eccentric (and possibly has AS also), and we exchanged email addresses and communicate regularly about our interests. He's an interesting guy, but has started to ask me out for lunch etc. I went out for dinner a few months ago when we first met because it was after a meeting and we both just decided to, but it was really awkward because he was very rude to the staff there, I had to look after him like he was my grandpa, and all the staff (who were my age, I'm 22) just thought the whole ordeal was hilarious. I'm not very good in public situations where I'm being ridiculed, and although I have been out for drinks etc before with older friends (both male and female), they acted normal in social situations so I felt comfortable. But I didn't feel comfortable at all here, I just wanted to leave. I think this guy might have AS much worse than me judging by the way he acts in public, so it's not his fault because eating out is hard and I understand that.

I know this is going to make me sound superficial and awful, and maybe I am, but I'll say it anyway. He keeps wanting to meet up for dinner, and I like his friendship and seeing him at meetings as well as exchanging emails, but I don't want to eat out or be in public with him because it makes me nervous and I get paranoid that everyone's staring at me (I have a real problem with paranoia) and think I'm ridiculous. I live in a small town too so there's always people I know around. (I used to hang out with a friend as old as my parents, and everyone started a rumour that I was a 'reverse cougar,' that is, I tried to snare older men, but it wasn't true and made me feel terrible.) How to I keep our friendship without having to eat together and all that?

invite him for dinner at your place. there will be no public to be embarrassed in front of. if you can't cook, order chinese take-out or pizza.

I have 2 housemates who I'd have to worry about who are almost always home at dinner. I've known these guys for years and one of them knows a large portion of my circle of friends and they would think something strange was going on if I invited him over. (A friend of mine who works at a shop in town serves one of my older friends and when she found out we were friends she asked me a heap of stupid questions and told a heap of people..e.g. 'have you slept with him?')

Or maybe a picnic at a public place where there's enough other people around that it feels safe.

You could say to him:

'You treat the staff rudely, and it embarrasses when you do because I have to see them again.'

About a 50% chance this would work (baseline odds), but even if works, he'll probably only be somewhat better.

Hmmm. Good idea!

No idea if this is helpful or applicable, but if I were in your shoes, I would tell a white lie to spare his feelings. Something like, "I don't like going out to eat because eating in public makes me uncomfortable. Maybe we can just talk instead."

Well that's what I've been doing lately because I didn't know what else to do. It's partially true because I don't like eating out with people I'm not friends with, so I either eat out with close friends/family or alone. Eating out with others is too hard because people always comment on how much I eat (I'm tiny but eat like a horse) and this goes back a long way when girls at school used to laugh at me and comment about it, also I feel awkward with making conversation and if they talk about things that I'm not interested in I get bored and lonely so I end up leaving. There are just too many social rules! Alone I can do what I want, and my friends know me well and I like them so it's not a big deal.

Umm.. most non-pervs wouldn't assume you were sleeping with an elderly man. Any normal person would assume he was your older friend or relative or you were nice for being friends with a wise old guy.