my parents can't get off my freaking case about everything

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ever since i started working with my support workers, my parents want to know what we did and what we have planned for the next time we see each other. and it drives me crazy. its gotten to the point where my workers have to report back to my mom and let her know what we did and didn't do. its like they dont trust me even through i live on my own.

my mom is obsessed with me learning how to clean my place. so my workers are making me clean my house before we go out and do something, and if i dont do it, then they would email my mom and let her know that i didnt do it, and then i get in s**t because its something i got to learn to do.

In the United States, that would be a breach of patient/client confidentiality, and depending on through what venues the workers were supplied, could be illegal.

I would just tell the workers that you don't want them reporting to your mother. If you wish to tell her something about your life, you are capable of doing that yourself.

Part of being an adult is setting boundary limits with your parents.

According to confidentiality policy, if you are capable of taking care of yourself then they are not allowed to tell anything to anyone else (including your parents) without your permission. This means that the reason they tell your mom is either of the three items below

1. You are perceived as incapable due to the fact that you hire workers to begin with. This puts you in a category of vunlerable adult which is legally equivalent to the child, and thus allows them to talk to your parents. In this case you should stop hiring them and thus prove that you are capable

2. You implicitly gave permission for them to talk to your parents. In this case you should make it very clear to them that you are NOT giving them this permission

3. They are violating the patient confidenciality law. In this case you should report them to the authorities

Please follow one of the underlined suggestions above, depending on your situation.

Her profile says she lives in Canada, so I imagine privacy policy is very similar to the one of United States. She probably needs to take this to the authorities and possibly to court.

What sort of support workers are they? Are they medical professionals or just people hired by your mother? I think we need more information about exactly who these workers are.

they are workers that are there to "help" with day to day stuff, which i know i can do, but because i lived with my parents till this past June, they think that i can't cook for myself, clean my place and other stuff like that. it seems like they dont think i can do it. its my first time living alone in a new place, its gonna take some time to getting used to being alone. and i believe that my mom doesnt think i can do it.

In this case you should refuse their help altogether. Even if they were not talking to your mom, it would still make you feel inferior that they are helping you to begin with. How can your mom possibly know you are incapable unless you tried? She never gave you a chance to prove yourself, she just assumed you cant do it.

Here is what you should do. Make a written note that you do not need their help, and email it to them as well as forward it to your mom and anyone else involved (forwarding it to several people is a good idea since that way no one can deny it since they know they have several wittnesses). This would be a writen proof that you did not give permission for their help. If your mom will continue paying them, and they will continue taking her money and helping you, you can take that written note to court and sue both the helping ladies AND your mom.

I get the feeling they aren't medical professionals or anyone who would be bound by confidentiality so I doubt that is an option.

If you live on your own, you can refuse to allow them to come into your house. Simple solution.

Assuming the workers are being helpful to you, and assuming your Mom's concern is genuine, I think just having some talks with your Mom is a good step. Mom's are just people with foibles & flaws like the rest of us. It's just you happen to be this one's child. Being overly concerned protective is very common. Try to bring the discussion up to more of a peer, adult to adult level and explain where it is you think she is overly involved.

Privacy policies are not restricted to medical professionals. For example, the professors in college are forbidden to tell grades to anyone other than the student. So I imagine this would apply to other professions as well. Of course I am not completely sure but it is worth finding out.



The reason it is not so simple is that they were PAYED to help her by her mom. Stopping people from doing something they were payed to do is, itself, questionable from legal point of view.

What has to happen is for her mom to stop PAYING them. And this brings up yet another point: EVEN IF they are not bound by privacy policy, it is still illegal for her mom to pay for something she expressly doesnt want to do. So she has to send the letter to her mom, forwarded to appropriate authorities, stating she doesnt want the help and asking her mom to stop paying for it. IF her mom continues to pay for something she expressly doesnt want, then she can sue her mom.

These assumptions are false, as indicated by the following quote:



Lets for once assume that the person knows herself a lot better than anyone else does. She needs at least a chance to prove herself, and she needs to refuse the help.

Maybe so, maybe not. She also seemed to indicate she does need some help.

But alot of people are giving advice assuming escalation is needed. Cout orders, Lawsuits... how about just talking to your own Mom for starters.

And we would never know until she tries. Thats what trying is for. If parents were to decide not to let a child to try walking in case they fall and injure themselves, then they would never walk for the rest of their life. That is what makes it self fulfilling prophecy. Whatever difficulties she might be having (IF they exist) might well be consequences of the fact that her parents never let her grow up by allowing her to practice skills on her own.



She never STATED that she needs help. She simply said certain things from which you might INFER that she does. And that is precisely what I am having issues with. People assume that humans are "package deals" so if they appear a certain way in item A it would imply how they are in item B. But that is not true, especially not for aspies. So instead of inferring whether she needs help or not, just let her try and see.



I was under assumption that she already told her mom she didnt like it but her mom didnt listen. In this case she should make court order. In either case it doesnt sound like her mom would take her views seriously since she doesnt see her as an adult.

In the United States, professors are covered by the FERPA (Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act). If there are just people hired off the street to help, reporting on her behavior might be part of the job.



That doesn't matter. If it's her name on the lease, she owns the place. She has the right to refuse entry to anyone she wishes. Nothing legally questionable at all.

Your wasting your time, with me at least. To be honest I haven't actually read your last comments. Silly exercise you can do on your own.

But to the OP, please take Forum Lawyers with a grain of salt. In general problems are best solved at the lowest possible level & it's adult to deal with the individuals directly. Legal action should be a last resort, especially with family. If this is really a minor personality issue, going Legal may make it worse.