...A bad comedown afterwards?
I find that whenever I feel happiness about something, I become sad in a matter of hours afterwards. Happiness never seems to last for me anymore. I try to tell myself positive things, put my mind in a good state and have a positive outlook but theres always this "demon" causing me misery.
I feel that my life is cursed, that I am not allowed to feel happiness without a following punishment. I don't think I am manic depressive because its not that I have one super-energic manic day followed by one bad day. It's several mood-swings a day...
It wasn't like this before, until I reached a point in my life where I gave up everything. I was 17 at the time but feel that I should have recovered from this depression now as its no longer constant. Depression is described as "mind emptiness" and thats nowhere near what I am experiencing. My euphoric-state is never peacefull but often energic and happy in a weird way...
Its always followed by a combination of feelings such as dread, total doom, suicidal toughts, intense sorrow and just sadness.
Psychiatry isn't working at all, its effects are short term. I walk out the conversation feeling at peace, but minutes or hours later I "come down" to my old depressive self again.
I don't know what to do with this, I want to be emotionally stable!
Can anyone relate to this and possibly, give any advices that work for them?
I want this to end and I am bothered by thoughts of ending it all...
I feel so abandoned. Like God has given me up and that I am some dreaded individual doomed to live in sorrow forever...