When I was younger, I was obsessed with the fantasies that played out in my head. They were the only thing that gave my life any meaning. I catered to them to the expense of all else. On non-school days, basically all I would do is eat and fantasize. I attended to my personal hygiene only infrequently. I kept my social contact limited to school hours, and I rarely bothered to do homework.
However, in recent years, I have let go of the fantasies, and learned how to live a more "normal" life. This means that I have added several aspects to my life that I never would have bothered with when I was younger. These days, I shower and brush my teeth everyday. I make an honest effort at school. I don't shun socialization as much as I used to. I have even completed a succussful internship this semester. I also keep coming back to this site, even though part of me wishes I had never joined.
All of this requires constant attention to things that I rarely cared about in the past. If I want to move forward in my life, I need to keep up my grades, maintain the friendships I have developed through this site, finish my book, and get my college degree. I also handle a great deal of stress, mostly brought about by wondering whether I can keep up with the demands, or if I will have another ugly collapse like I have had in the past. All of this takes time and energy, and sometimes I wish that I could just forget it all and retreat back into my own head.
In short, I'm tired of being an adult! I want to be a kid again!
Thanks. I just needed to vent.
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Still looking for my antidiluvian baby