How Do You Love Family That Treats You So Bad So Often For S

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So Long? I try very hard and often to forgive and forget. Just about every day there is something new to make me feel hurt. I want to love very much, but they hurt me to no end, and that makes it very hard for me. I know they are not completely awful people, since they've done nice things before, but the bad heavily outweighs good. I am beginning to think a member of my family may be a borderline sociopath.

I can't forgive because I don't forget.

*hug*

Redrobin- I don't forget most things, but I do put certain depressing thoughts in the back back of my head, and think about positive things as a method to let go. It's just too bad my family keeps trying to fill my head with negativity.

Delta- Thanks. Some positivity definitely helps.

My answer to your question is this.....

My family has treated me very wrong throughout my entire life.

I have sought out help for myself, outside of my family, in the company of healthy people.

With the help of being in the company of healthy people, I have come to realize that there are generations of abuse and denial in my family.

I can't fix them, but I can work on myself.

And when I work on myself and when I realize that I could have easily been just another link in that chain of mistreatment and the denial that surrounds it (if I chose not to help myself, that is), I can forgive. Not trust, not forget, but forgive.

Sweet Pea hugs

I think this is sound advice. Personally, I started therapy recently and have found that to be helpful in sorting out issues. Sometimes, when there are "generations of abuse and denial," as KagamineLen says, and you grow up steeped in that, it's hard to work things out unless you have someone who is removed from that and has an outsider perspective to serve as a sounding board.

Also, I'd add that you might want to reflect a little on the reasons you want so badly to love them. Is it because you feel guilty? ie. You think you should love them more than you do? (If that is the case, you shouldn't!) Or, is it because on some level, you think it'll help them love you more in return? Sometimes understanding your own feelings and thought processes is half the battle when it comes to working through family stuff.

KagamineLen- That is pretty much what I have been doing. Getting out more, more lately, being around healthy or at least happy people, and working on bettering myself in general. I have already come to the conclusion that I cannot help my family much, and I think they could benefit from a good therapist, but I don't expect them to go to one. My family may be destined to rot as they are, and if that's true, so be it. They have had many decades to sort themselves out. I still love my parents for some of the things they have done for me, but not what they have done to me.

blueroses- I have considered therapy before. I'm not sure but I think it could help to have someone who's professional that reinforces a positive outlook and gives out ideas on how to "escape" being trapped in a mess like this.

I want to love them, because I have seen that they can be similar to most people in some ways. Innocent, vulnerable, and caring... But they are not that way often, instead they are extremely negative without a good reason to be so unpleasant. They're also getting old. I do understand why I think this way.