It seems like, most nights, my dreams return me to the homes and the rooms where I was abused by my family on a regular basis when I was a minor.
Either that, or they return me to the days when I was deep in my world of addictions as a young adult.
This has got to stop. It's starting to be extremely taxing on me.
It really sucks when I am the only person in my family that is willing to take care of himself - everybody else seems to be perfectly comfortable in their bubble of denial. I wish I did not have to go to the family holiday gatherings. I wish I did not have to pretend to be concerned about my aunt's failing health - y'know, the same aunt who committed acts of felony sexual abuse against me when I was 12/13 (yet got away with it, thanks to the statute of limitations). I really wish that she would do something productive, and opt for euthanasia.
Yeah, I am bitter. Incredibly bitter. Now that I am no longer turning to addictive substances or behaviors, I am really feeling what I have been running away from.
And I am wondering..... how long does this last before things improve?.....
22 Jan 2013, 12:13 pm
