Just a quick vent

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I've been working at a retail pharmacy job for six months now and my mental health has really taken a nose dive from it. While I will admit that having to answer the phone multiple times a day has helped to desensitize me from my usual fear of it everything else has just made things worse. For starters I can't multitask and I can't even begin to count the times I've messed up by trying or being forced to quit something mid-way to do someting else or answer the phone and then try and get back to it to all the noise. Loud noise has always been a problem for me and this place is full of them and it all becomes a jumbled mess that I can't make heads or tails or understand what the person on the phone is trying to tell me to the point that I have to go to the back of the store for a moment thanks to sensory overload.

The worse through has to be the workers there. I've tried hard to do like they tell me and I work myself up into a near meltdown everyday because of it. Each one of them has their own ways of doing things and I can never remember which one is which and then they get mad at me for not remembering, or asking them to repeat instructions when I couldn't understand what they were saying which makes it even harder to remember what it was I was trying to focus on in the first place so I make a little slip up on that or drop a bottle that gets the whole cycle started over again until I just want to SCREAM and get as far away from them as I possibly can. Add to that the fact that I can't ask them anything without getting told I'm a useless worker for not being able to remember that and having to ask them about it in the first place then later telling me that if I have a problem just ask for help. Well I can't because if I do you tell me to NOT ask again! I've gone to the boss about this in the past and she held a meeting to remind them about how they should treat their co-workers but that only got me called a stupid, lying, coward (with a few other names thrown in but I don't cuss so those will be left out) because I asked for help in a note instead of telling her in person because she had already left for the day.

Actually scratch that I think everything is just made worse by the fact that I can't even tell my family about all this. Because the first and the last time I mentioned it to them they got mad at me and my dad called me mentally ret*d for crying over something like this. I'm crying now over it actually. I'm just at my wits end and don't know what to do any advice will be extremly helpful.

Awwww. Sounds like a somewhat hostile work environment you have there. I can imagine co-workers getting annoyed for having to repeat themselves a lot but they have no right to treat you like that. Is there any way you could remember things more easily? Could you/they write things down instead of only telling you to do something? (not sure if that's applicable with your job, but it's what I do with mine) Or would it be possible for you to help them work in a more structured manner (and with it, helping yourself)?

Having a job is good thing, but it's not worth having a complete mental breakdown over it. You've worked there for six months now. Do you see things changing for the better any time soon (as it did with answering the telephone for example)? In my current job it took me like nine months to really get used to it, though there's still significant amounts of stress.

Meh, it must suck to have non-supportive family =/ Do you think they'd be more supportive if you had a diagnosis (your profile says you don't) or would they not be open for things like that?

I think you need someone to share this with, someone who will listen and help put things into perspective. Do you have any friends you can talk to (either IRL or online)?

Hang in there!

Hi,
Read this & your intro post. Can you talk with your Mom privately about your thoughts on Aspergers. ? Your Dad seems to have a prehistoric perspective on modern medicine, but it would be good if you can have someone in RL to discuss it with. As far as the job goes, a lot of us find having notes/lists useful. Something you write down and keep in pocket, etc, to refer to. It could be procedures for doing certain things.

Wanting to explode is very common feeling. If something can be ignorred temporarily while you complete what you are doing is one possibility. If that is not possible, just let first task go completely (try and forget about it for the moment) and engage with the second. Not how we like to do things but the nature of the beast. To combat melting down, learning relaxation techniques might be one approach. Its kind of the 'take deep breaths count to 10' response to emotional outburst, but expanded a bit. It may help to remind yourself of the relative importance of any given thing or event at work. Putting something in the wrong spot will not begin a sequence that snowballs into causing the earth to implode into a new Black Hole.

Prehistoric views on medicine would be right. He keeps referring to how I would have been labeled in 'his generation' which was about 20-30 years or so ago. Me and mom have both learned the hard way that you don't do something without telling him about it so there's no way I could tell her and actually get anywhere without him finding out and get mad for not telling him about it. I'll have to see about talking to a friend of mine about it maybe.

Anyway thanks for the advice guys and I'll give notes and such a shot again but just completely dropping something and start on a new one doesn't work out well. That's how I forget to do things that get me in trouble the next day if I don't remember (Which I usually don't ) The biggest problem comes from not being able to remember names or phone numbers short of writting down every name and number on a seperate piece of paper than the one I use to put them in line will help. Though I've already seen that they arn't to open to change how they do things heck they don't even like it when I do things in a slightly different order since it's faster and easier for me, which is something I've mentioned when they pointed it out.

I have something I consider a hostile work event, its in a recent post of mine.

It was hard for me to remember procedures about jobs.. when I worked at quiznos, i'd go home and repeat the ingredients on the sandwiches several times so I could remember how to do it right.

It was my moms restaurant, the manager she hired yelled, cussed at me, chewed me out in front of customers among other things.
The way I learn is not spontaneous, it takes me a long time to learn information but once I do, I process it accurately and quickly. Thats how the human brain works.. so once I have the information ingrained, I can do the task more easily.

Your co-workers are jackasses and honestly i'd go to the boss as many times as it takes. I chewed the guy out harassing me at work (mentioned in my last post) because I refuse to deal with it. Its minimum wage--f*** that s**t.

My situation with my mom.. mirrors that of your dad almost, she convinced the doctor to say that I was ret*d socially basically at 18. People of that generation, did not value the opinion of psychologists, mentally or social issues didn't exist to them and they are so ignorant to it that they won't help the people closest. As a result, about two months ago I decided to cut ties with my mom.

Nothing in your post screams to me bad person, nothing in your person screams to me a useless person either. The reality for me is that the world is so full of stupid people--that if you're smart, or good natured--or soft spoken-- they try and capitalize.

The gap is huge.. in your favor--and they try to play it off by pointing out the insignificant mistakes you make at work. A truly wise person doesn't mind sharing knowledge. A truly skilled person wouldn't be hampered at their job because someone asks them questions.

Their behavior speaks low of them..

Thanks GreatSharkBite I needed that reminder, but yeah I get the feeling I'll end up severing ties with my dad once I'm able to move out as well. It gets annoying having to lie to him all the time just to keep him happy and out of everyone's hair. I'd love to get and actual diagnosis rather than just a self diagnosed case from reading medical texts my whole life.

I worked in fast food before this job actually and it was rough for a little while since I had problems being able to swtich from one station to the next quickly and the beeping of the machines made it hard to think straight, but the boss I was working for was a good guy and seemed to realize my problem so he had me start working as an opener. I had to get up real early but I liked the work. I could set up my own routine to the way I liked it as long as I got everything done, the beeping was at a managable level through the door and I didn't have to work with a whole bunch of people. Heck he never even asked me to work the registers thanks to the way I stutter. Sadly he left to go to another company and the guy he hired to take his place didn't know what he was doing and I was glad when I got this job at first. Now not so much.

Just a note about 'notes'. I eventually made a daily checklist at work that I could refer to and then when something popped up at work wrote it down on those yellow sticky notes. But instead of putting them on a desk or computer, I kept them in my pocket which helped me prevent forgeting/ignorring the note itself. I constantly fished the note(s) out of my pocket during the day to remind myself what needed doing.

Unfortunatly the notes thing didn't quite work out and while I say I'm getting better at not being scared of the phone but that doesn't mean I'm better at talking on it. I had a couple mess ups the other day where I misunderstood a person's name. (In my defense it's very odd for two people with similar sounding names to have the same birthday and be on the same medication.) but anyway that and another episode of very busy hour with a lot of noise and people crowding around I just sort of shut down I guess and ran on autopilot and needless to say that didn't work out. When I came back around I tried to fix what had happened but it was to little to late. I just found out this will be my last week.

I'm really nervous about telling my parents. I know I have to but it takes me forever to work up the courage for this sort of thing. I know I should probably feel sad or something considering the boss that told me seemed upset about it and even gave me a letter of recommendation for when I get offered a new job but I can't. It just felt like the world was lifted of my shoulders knowing that soon I'll be out of that place and never have to see the two people that made the last six months a living heck again.

Just don't know if I should maybe mention the working conditions there anywhere or not. You know just to give other people a heads up.

Sounds like the cloud with the silver lining. Sometimes with unpleasent tasks (telling parents) the best thing is to just get it over with. In this case when it comes to them asking 'why?' you have some concrete examples of the types of overload mistakes you make and also the recommendation letter to show its not from lack of trying.

There are some questionaire/tests you can take that help determine which jobs you are likely best suited for. They may have some online, but I know I have seen that type thing in books on career choices, etc.