Letting go of a loved past life

Post Reply New Topic

I carry around with me a deep regret.

Between the ages of 17-20, I had a good circle of acquaintances (with a few close friends within that circle). We would get together several times a week to watch anime, play video games, go to the movies, shop in the International district for all sorts of anime merchandise, etc.....

But when I turned 20, I started to turn my back on this circle of friends. I developed a drug dependency that pretty much killed any desire I had to do anything outside of getting high.

A few nights a week, I dream that I am back in that circle of friends. But the old hanging spots are all out of business now (for about 8 years at this point). I have not heard from a single one of them in over nine years. I have these dreams, and I wake up, and I feel sad. I had something great, and I was not grateful.

I wonder what the chances are of me finding a group of people like that again?..... I've developed some significant sobriety, but that's not going to be enough to bring the good days back.

Yeah, I'm whining. That's what "The Haven" is for.

Can you imagine - trying to maintain your sobriety while hanging around the International District? Good luck with that! I love the food and restaurants down there; at the same time, it's a magnet for the riff raff and all the bad things that can exist in town. Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad, right?

Sweet Pea hugs

I know this feeling very well. For me it wasn't drugs, I got into conflicts, and had a bit of, well, a nervous breakdown, that I guess I'm just barely recovering from now.

It's weird, because you can look back, and it is, just a past life. No traces left really. No friends left from it. Just little things come up, and, yeah... I dunno. I wish I could have friends again. It was a nice feeling. But I don't believe I'll ever have anything like that again, it seems I just can't cooperate well in a group.

In my case, I had a chance at reconciliation of sorts I guess. Nothing came of it. But, at least it was tried. My one best friend from said group, he seems to just not like me anymore, never talks to me really. We were friends since high school. Whatever.

I wish I could feel accepted and all that fun stuff again. I don't know, last times I felt accepted, I wasn't really. So I'm just really mistrustful of people in general now.

It's weird now in my life. I'm much more attractive, hell, probably have better social skills, but I'm miserable because I have no friends. Back when I was ugly, I had friends. Odd.

/mope

I know exactly how you feel OP....You could have something like it again one day, something even better