How do I stop letting myself feeling angry about this?

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It may not sound much, but I do have AS so small things can sometimes feel daunting to me, so just bear with me.
Recently I keep getting angry when people I am with greet strangers (people they don't know) in the street if we pass them. My mum does, for example. She's only got to meet someone's eye (whether it's a man or a woman) for a fraction of a second, and they say hello, even if she's not smiling or even looking like she's intending to speak, they still do. And it has now become a (needless) problem to me, and is making me feel like I don't want to walk out anywhere with my mum any more because the whole time I am panicking of her speaking to a stranger, and it isn't doing my blood pressure much good.

I think it comes from feelings of jealousy. Yes, I have always been the jealous type, I will own up. And it's because each time I make eye contact and smile to a stranger and I just get a nasty glare back, is why I get upset when someone else can just make sudden eye contact and be greeted just like that. It gets me all upset, and gives me paranoid thoughts, making me feel self-conscious. I have said hello to someone once, (just a random stranger), and she spoke back, but I could tell she was like ''what the f**k? Do I know you???'' But it can't be that inappropriate to greet strangers if my mum does it all the time.

But anyway, the point is, it's one of those things that has got into my head and now I am stressing over it and is just preventing me from being able to enjoy being out. Maybe it's because I have got AS why I am getting extremely upset over nothing at all, I don't know, but anyway I was just wondering if anyone else here gets themselves stressed over something what others wouldn't, and what you can do to stop it, if there are any tips on how to stop yourself from becoming overwhelmed with worrying too much over silly things. At least I am mature enough to admit how stupid and jealous I am and how stupid this is to worry over, but I just can't seem to stop myself from stressing about it. Anyone got any ideas?

How do you know what a random stranger is thinking, especially if the you have AS? Are you sure you're not projecting your own insecurities onto them?

If I'm walking past someone on the sidewalk or through the halls at work I tend to at least smirk and nod and they usually nod back, smile or something. It seems arbitrary to me but it's a ritual I learned to adopt to put others at ease.

I have no problem with greeting people at work when passing them in the hallways because I know the other workers there and they know me, and if it's visitors then I still make eye contact because it's in more of a significant place so people are easier to make eye contact with, but out in the street when I'm just passing random strangers and they could be anybody and I could be anybody (to them), I just find it that much harder, and it just gets to me when it's easier for other people and always harder for me, as usual.

You are judging yourself as getting angry "at nothing at all." And because you have AS.

I think this is more significant than nothing, or it would not be so upsetting. Are you certain that the expressions people return to you are consistently glares or is this how you interpret their expressions? I guess to better clarify my question, are you able to "read" other people's faces -- especially those of people who are strangers to you -- and understand what they are feeling at a glance?

If you are upset about feeling envy because someone else (your mother, in this case) finds it easy to elicit smiles from other people just by giving them a glance, you might ask her how she does it and tell her you want to understand and learn from her. This changes anger into a creative and positive energy that makes both you and your relationship with your mother stronger.

I also have AS. I've found that Jealousy is an emotion that seems to be less of a problem as we grow older and learn to appreciate what we have in ourselves that is unique and cool. Paranoid thoughts do not "just happen" to us -- we create them within ourselves because we imagine we are lacking in some way. No one makes us feel self-conscious unless we do it to ourselves or allow it to be done to us. Each of us can ultimately control how we react. What it takes is time, practice, patience and self-acceptance. No single human being possesses all talents. Some people with AS learn to compensate with humor; others use a musical instrument, others become Computer Programmers and relate most often with co-workers.

I will never be a great or even a good group speaker, but to be angry with or envious of those who are serves no useful purpose. I have always wanted to be tall, but must settle for being 5'3" short and accept that I'll never be able to balance well enough to wear anything higher than a 2.5" chunky heel. There will be people in the world who will be pleasant with me and people who will be cold and rejecting and unkind when I look at them and say "Hello." I cannot tell you this doesn't feel bad when it happens. And I am willing to bet that if you speak with your mum, you'll find that there are times when people don't smile at her or even look at her and she feels unhappy for a time. Until you communicate and ask about another person's feelings, you might be making assumptions that are at least in part untrue.

Some of the people I've known who seemed to be the happiest were in fact hiding serious, untreated depression they were afraid to discuss with anyone until they fell apart. Unlike most of us with AS, the NT person can construct a very convincing mask that is only ever taken off in total privacy. Consider that you have strengths you've yet to encounter within yourself and the good fortune of time and energy to do this!

I understand how you feel. (Or at least I think I do).

One issue may be lack of control. If your mother is initiating contact and conversation with people that you then have to deal with I can see where that would add to your stress. If you were the one deciding whether to smile and say hello or not, then you'd likely feel more comfortable with the interaction.

When I was your age, I was taking some photographs and someone, seeing me with the camera, waved and indicated that I should take their picture. I felt uncomfortable because I didn't know how I should respond. What I ended up doing is putting down my camera and glaring at the person until she walked away. She seemed offended and said something uncomplimentary. While I did not do the right thing there, I did learn from the experience. Even 25 years later, if faced with a similar circumstance, I will behave awkwardly, but I try to make sure the person doesn't think I am looking down on them. Now when someone says "take my picture" I smile and take their picture. It's not a photograph I am likely to keep, but it costs me little and I don't hurt anyone.

I will probably always feel like an utter dork most of the time. I never know how to behave around strangers. But by smiling and pretending to be friendly and accepting, I can deal with the person with a minimum of interaction. I don't necessarily object to people, but I certainly don't want to interact with them any more than I have to. By learning a few basic behaviors that put other people at ease, I find I can quickly interact and then get away from them. I give them what feels like an exaggerated smile and a hello and then I move on. People probably think I'm a bit weird, but usually they don't get angry at me. (I think)

Interesting answers, but I've been assumed here that I don't express my feelings to anyone nor communicate with anyone else about their feelings. I actually do both, and this is where it causes arguments with my mum. At first I just gave my opinion with no arguments, but now I have given my opinion too much and she now knows that it's something that I don't like at all, and now every time it happens we end up bickering and I end up getting upset all over again, just because my mum managed to meet someone's eye and get a hello out of them once again. I just wish I could force myself to accept the fact that my mum will always attract people in some way and they will always speak, and I've just got to tag along and be ignored, no matter how much eye contact/friendly facial expression I make.

Also people here have assumed that I don't recognise anyone's feelings or facial expressions. Wrong. I can definitely detect a smile from a glare. If I go out of my way to smile to people, I think they should at least smile back, not give me a funny look. If they ''aren't in the mood'' then why look at all, if they know their ''bad mood'' is going to make them glare at someone. Even if I'm in a bad mood, if somebody smiles at me in the street, it makes me feel a bit better, and I smile back.

They always say ''smile and the world smiles with you'', so that's what I'm trying to do.

maybe because your young. some people prefer to speak to middle-age to older people, its what people have always done i think.

when i was young i didnt even think of speaking to strangers in the street, i sometimes do now if i meet their eye but not that often. i cant always be bothered.

my husband doesnt speak to strangers. actualy you are a bit like my husband there, because he doesnt always like me speaking to random people. it just agitates him, maybe like it does you too.

i just tell him that if they speak to me he also look at them, maybe they might meet his eye too and speak to him. you try that too, if you dont already do.

Just practice "passing out smiles" with a nod and a "G'day!" or whatever, then let other people do with them as they wish and you will become free of your jealousy and anger.