Behind the glass

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I have a pretty good life. I have my family, decent relationships with coworkers, and friendly neighbors. Why the f#ck do I still feel so lonely all the time? I feel better when I'm completely alone. Otherwise, I feel like an "other" and I can't seem to fix it.

And now I feel guilty for complaining.

Don't feel guilly. There are lots of folks like you, including me. Just curious. What is the "behind the glass" reference about?

Just feeling so separate from everyone and everything. What they see in me doesn't reflect my own reality. Thank you. It's not that I'm unappreciated of the blessings I have, it's just that there's a void I can't seem to fill. I'm surrounded by people sometimes, but they never see the chasm I feel. It's something I can't push past, and don't know if I can.

There are these strange kinds of malaises you can get, when things are going ok, but inside you are hurting. They come from different sources I guess. One seems to be a need(s) within you isn't being filled. Its like a plant growing in good looking but poorly matched soil, not getting the nutrients it needs.

With Aspies it can be harder, because those around you do not understand the things you need. They are are garderners who may care, but only know how to water and weed and do not know the more complicated science of chemical nurishment. And as Aspies we often do not understand that science either. We are not sure what is missing sometimes and what will help.

My only real suggestion is to try and understand clearly what it is you are needing and then to try and inform people who can help, about it. Maybe it would be enough to just have someone spend the time and effort talking with you attempting to understand. I think it is not so much that everyone understands you as at least one, or a few do.

Thank you. I have the hardest time pinpointing these things. Maybe it will come to me over time.

I’ve learned the hard way that stopping too much to think about intangible problems when you otherwise seem to be doing well tends to make things start going less well, in more tangible ways.

It's not something I ruminate constantly on. The realization hits me like a brick from time to time though. Maybe it's still a matter of acceptance on my part. The times when I start looking for validation externally instead of internally.

I don't have co-workers, neighbors I talk to and only one friend I haven't talked to in a while, some close family, family friends/aquantinces. But yeah I get that feeling quite a bit, it does suck. Its kind of impossible to explain it to anyone as well, its likely they would take it as their presence isn't good enough or something.

But yeah sometimes the loneliest times are when there's lots of others around.

Have to say I do not agree, and here is why. In this case the problem isn't yet known. This may be something that can be improved or even fixed. Conversely it may be one of those things that cannot be changed and must simply be lived with. But you must know what the problem is before you can make a good decision.

Its like driving a car and sometimes getting a strange noise and vibration. Do you never try to figure out what is wrong ?

I guess you’re right.