Frustrated with a moocher.

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Well, it starts like this. Three days ago, a woman I know who mooches money off from everybody around her managed to talk her protected payee into giving her $200 so that she could buy herself an iPod. The payee obliged, even though that left her with no money for the rest of the month.

Yesterday, I get home and turn my phone on (I turn it off now when I am on the bus) to see that this woman has left three messages for me. She's now begging me for money because she can't afford the co-pay for her psychiatric medications.

Yes, really. She can afford an iPod, but not her medications.

I told her I had no money to give to her. She's now incredibly resentful and she's referring to me as "useless".

Go figure. My family thinks of her as being one of my good friends. I don't see why they feel that way. She is a user, plain and simple. I suppose sometime in the future, I will get a call from my mother telling me how "selfish" I am for not bailing this woman out, but I believe she has to face the consequences of her sh***y decisions, and that bailing her out again would do more harm to her than good. She needs to face what she has done.

So, yeah, I'm pissed at her.

Don't blame you. I've seen that happen too many times to count.

I can only advise that you stay very viligent around "frenimies"

I don't know if I want "friends" or "family" at this point.

I took the first steps from breaking away from her completely today.

First, I am making sure she has nothing to hang over my head. I have been relying on her to drive me to the laundromat twice a month (I don't have a car, nor a driver's license) in exchange for gas money (which she NEVER spends on gas). I now have a couple of sane friends who are willing to do that in exchange for gas money and an occasional meal. Often, when I say "no" to her, she keeps score and holds that over my head. She will no longer have that power. She doesn't understand that I don't leave three or four messages on her voicemail whenever she is unable to answer the phone. She does not understand that I don't pound on her door when she doesn't respond within two hours. I don't call her several times a day whenever I want somebody to buy me a Diet Coke. She does not understand the concept of basic personal boundaries.

For a few years, I would drop everything I was doing to cater to her every demand. "I know you have company over. I'm sorry. I'm dying, I need a Diet Coke now, it can't wait until tomorrow!" "I know you gave me money for gas so I can get to my doctor's appointments. I'm sorry, I spent it on cupcakes. I need more money so I can see my doctor!" "All I have to eat at my place is tortillas and butter. If you don't give me food, I'll starve."

Yes, she has said all of those things to me in the past. And about 100 other things that are just as absurd.

She used to try to watch movies with me a couple times a month. I lost track of how many times she walked out of the theater when we went to the cinema fifteen minutes into the film because she thought it was "stupid", or how many times she complains about how characters who died tragic deaths deserved it and that she had no sympathy for them. The kids in Grave of the Fireflies deserved to die according to her. Bjork's character in Dancer in the Dark deserved to die according to her. She kept on saying that the Jews in the concentration camp were "acting stupid" when we watched Schindler's List. Based on that, I believe she is pathologically incapable of empathy for others.

Another thing that annoys me - if I don't respond to her within twelve hours, she will start to say things like, "Have you been hospitalized again? Are you back in the psych ward?" on the voicemails she will leave for me.

I used to hang with her because I believed her companionship was better than no companionship at all, and I caved in to all of her unreasonable demands, and I said nothing when she spewed out her words of hateful insanity because I believed I did not deserve better friends than that. Now I have a lot of people in my life who are sane, who are in recovery, who take care of themselves, who are not codependent. I see no reason to keep her in my life any longer.

I will start keeping up a wall of saying "no" to her begging. I will not give her anything to hang over my head any longer. I no longer need to rely on her to drive me a couple of times a month - I now know sane people that would do that for me in exchange for gas money and an occasional meal, and those sane people have reasonable expectations in exchange for that favor.

She has to learn that I will not be codependent to her sickness any longer.

Sounds like you made a good decision.

She sounds like someone who can't even manage her money. Time to let her suffer and learn the hard way, stop giving her money, good for you for finally standing up for yourself. You're "useless" because you wouldn't give her any money for something she could afford she chose to blow her money away on something else.

What mental disorder does she have?

She has the diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder.

I would say that she also has sociopathic tendencies.

She left a few messages on my phone last night, when I was out at the movies. Now she wants to use my computer so that she could put a lot of the music that I purchased onto her brand new iPod nano. Lovely. She'll probably also want to drink all of my soda, and she'll probably also want to eat a lot of my food.

I'm telling her "no". Either that, or I could tell her that I'll put music on it for her, and then fill it up with nothing but grindcore. Tempting thought, probably not worth the effort.

i think she needs a more responsible "payee". dont loan her money.

You are doing the right thing, more power to you.