Having doubts that I even belong here too

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It's not been long since I first joined, but I'm starting to wonder if I don't belong here either (the other part of the "either" equation is never feeling I belong in the neurotypical world either...)

Mistakenly or not, I just now felt a bit like someone put me under their umbrella of suspicion that I'm some kind of bandwagon-jumper, in the fact that I'm self-diagnosed. Perhaps they never meant that in general and perhaps specifically I wasn't among the people they had in mind either.

But I already feel like it took a LOT to join this site, as I'm still wrestling with not only the question of "AM I really on the spectrum??" but also the shock and resistance and denial I'm feeling about that possibility.

For my whole there have been issues and no adult helped me with them or even took me to get "seen" by professionals. I couldn't be diagnosed with anything because nobody even addressed what was going on with me. But my life has been FILLED with severe fallout arising directly from issues that only NOW I know more about the condition, I can see clear as day can be attributed to "this"......

And so to more recently, for several years the more I learned, the more I suspected this whole thing and DID NOT want it to be true of me.

Only in recent weeks did I start to face up to finding out more, taking some tests. A couple of online tests are just a couple of online tests, I realize that. I don't even feel "legitimate" being on here when I know that many of you folks are officially, whole-nine-yards diagnosed and fully recognised and totally known to your professionals as on the spectrum.

I feel like you must think people like me are wannabee fools...

And suddenly I just don't think I can be here. I'm crying as I type this. I'm already a raw nerve just with the "suspicion that this IS ME" being so acutely new right now (because I'm shocked and depressed, not joyful or trying to jump on some enviable bandwagon, as some might think).

I'm really confused and freaked out right now.

I fear getting a formal diagnosis because I've read warnings of some of the more negative fallout from obtaining an adult formal diagnosis. I'm fixing to get auto insurance in a different country (I'm an ex-pat re-pat) and since my previous driving record does not carry-over, I'm already going to be hit with astronomically high insurance. I read that in the UK obtaining an adult Asperger diagnosis can sometime cause even car insurance to be driven higher by insurance companies who are idiots.

So stuff like this is why I hesitate to take the plunge and get a formal diagnosis.

But while I don't have one, I also feel like maybe I have no right to be here on this site claiming that I have anything in common with you guys.....even though oh GOD how much I do seem to have in common with you....

I feel like I should just leave but I'm sad enough about that to post this here now. I've never fit in on forum boards. I always wind up being as misunderstood and rejected in these places as I've been in real life.

I can see that identity is a big issue for you, an issue that is causing you an enormous amount of unnecessary anguish. There is a pretty wide variety of folks here, from those with AS with major issues to basic functioning, to those with only minor issues, borderline aspies, and full blown NT's. You seem to share many of the same insecurities, issues, and concerns that AS people tend to have. Whether or not you have officially diagnosed AS is irrelevant. Regardless of your official neurological condition, the purpose of this site is to bring people together in a community in order to communicate, help one another, and seek commonality of experience. If you feel those conditions are being met, and it certainly seems like you do, then you most definitely belong here. Hopefully that will help set your mind at ease.

Hello,
I think you need to just relax a bit, WP is here for you to use the same as everyone else, with any neurology.

AS is a spectrum as you know, others on here do seem to forget. Some will invariably feel more affected and some less. There are also a lot of very strong opinions here also, I feel that is partly down to the rigid thinking of those with AS. Recently I tried to highlight what I thought was a troll thread, my concern was that members were putting a lot of time and effort into finding a solution for the OP. Others here were more philosophical and happy to continue the discussion as it may help someone anyway.

It takes a long time to accept a diagnosis whether self formed or professionally based. When I first discovered AS I went for an official consultation and due to other issues I was misdiagnosed, this set me back another 3 years before I came to what I feel is the right conclusion. That was 3 years ago and I'm still trying to fully come to terms with this.

The point is there is lots of good members and information here. Stick around and use the site to help you make informed judgements. It may be the best place to help you decide if AS is the right diagnosis for you or not.

Last edited by neilson_wheels on 15 Jun 2013, 5:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

Thanks, Troy_Guther and also neilson_wheels for both of your understanding replies.

I'm just in a really confused headspace right now as it's so new to me to be coming to terms with even the merest possibility of not being neurotypical, and it does indeed feel like there is a lot to come to terms with.

In a big-picture way it is almost irrelevant -- one thing I've noticed about myself in all this lately is that even if a battalion of doctors tomorrow declared me firmly neurotypical, I'd still be left dealing with the same issues that suggest otherwise. And I've sort of realized that maybe I don't even have to think in terms of a label. If this self-diagnosis has done anything helpful it could even just be that I've begun to acknowledge that, even just symptom by symptom, it's okay to need help, need to modify my environment or avoid what I know to be distressing to me when practical.....I've spent my whole life fighting against my comfort zone because that comfort zone was always so very different from "most people's" comfort zone in almost everything in life.

I've functioned in the sense that I have not just stayed under a rock but instead tried to live a life, but that functioning was painful to do every step of the way, because of my "differences".

Anyway, I'm rambling on a bit now, but back to the point -- thank you for your reply. I feel a bit shaky but I will try to stay around.

Yes, please do stay around.
You don't have to worry about your neurological basis, everybody is welcome here.

For me, the reason I joined here wasn't simply because I'm autistic. It was because I have my struggles and thought I could find similar stories here, that perhaps would be helpful. For the record: I did find it, and it is in fact helpful. It's great to be able to talk about certain subjects and share experiences with each other about how you deal with it, what you do, etcetera. Even if you may be self-diagnosed--or in the end don't have an ASD at all--you still share similarities (as you have said) and it may be beneficial to be able to talk about it here.

Thank you Luath, this is so true.

My self-test scores seem to suggest I'm on the spectrum to where it's apparently suggested or justified that I pursue investigation, but as you say, no matter what, my struggles are the same ones as those described by the people I'm finding here on these boards, and there it is. Thank you for the words of encouragement.

You're very welcome

Please don't worry. There are some Wrong Planet members who are in the category 'might have it or not' or 'self-diagnosed' who may not necessarily fall into any diagnostic category. In a sense, for certain individuals, any diagnostic may be moot. And I bet there are plenty of other members who are like you in this regard. But of course, if you wish to pursue a formal diagnosis, then that is entirely your decision. And if you find you're not on the spectrum, that's alright too.

No one here would judge you based on any given criteria. I've noticed plenty of members are here for multitudes of reasons: some have family members &/or close friends/partners with autism/AS, some may just be curious. Honestly, I don't really look at anyone's diagnostic label! I just like the camaraderie, friendship, support and interesting posts. So you're always welcome here.

To add, there are loads of threads that are not related to AS (e.g. random discussion, games) that you might like too.

Thank you LabPet, I really appreciate the welcoming words and that whatever I am it's okay to be here. It's kind of like "if the shoe fits".

As I go on in my journey of trying to get more of a handle on all this -- I'm in a big whirlwind lately of trying to make sure of my suspicions -- I just took another of the online tests as posted in one of the Stickies on the General Autism Discussion Forum.

Took the Broad Autism Phenotype test, and got a big fat "You're above the cutoff on all three scales -- Autistic/BAP" score.

It's all starting to look a little bit undeniable, or at least "indicated" as they say.
I'm both freaked out/dismayed, and yet also feeling like a puzzle piece seems to be fitting on a lifetime of what I now realize are the traits.

I'm 51 and thus I'm from the generation that never got diagnosed, because any problematic issues were merely dismissed, instead of today when a child's development and issues are paid close attention to.

For what it's worth, BirdInFlight, when my mom told me in June 2011 what her psychiatrist had figured out regarding me (the Aspergers), I was in shock, angry, in denial, everything. I kept asking all kinds of questions. By the time I got my diagnosis on November 17, 2011 (ironically, the date my dad died in 1995), I was a little inconsolable at first. It took me at least 6 months to come to terms with it. So, don't beat yourself up over this, you just need some time to come to terms with it, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. Don't ever hesitate to let us know what you're feeling.

Thank you so much, mattarga -- and wow there are some really kind and understanding people on this place. Yes, anger, denial -- you hit the nail on the head. I'm feeling those things too. It's good to hear that that isn't uncommon also.

It's a really strange feeling to live right into adulthood and only just realize something new about yourself. There are whole generations who would have never gotten diagnosed because there just wasn't as much awareness, even among the medical professsions, in my day. It's a lot to come to terms with. It answers a lot of questions too, looking back on life's difficulties.

Thanks again for such incredibly kind words, all of you guys.

I'd like to say too that when I made this thread topic, I had been on a different board where I had misinterpreted someone's remarks and thought that they were dismissing self-diagnosed people. That person since clarified their words and we're "all good" -- it was a misunderstanding, not least because I was feeling a bit touchy and over-alert to being excluded around here! I took offence at that other post a little too easily and it's been resolved now.

Thank you everyone on this thread who have been great about my wobbly moment!

BirdInFlight, thanks for creating this thread. I earlier read through that other thread and went through a whole roller coaster of emotions. Like you I am not diagnosed, but I suspect I may be on the spectrum. AS is the first comprehensive explanation for 30+ years of remembered pain, anguish, and confusion in my life. Even if my suspicion is wrong, it is the "most right" so far.

The replies here (and some on the other thread) have helped bring my anxiety level back down. For that I thank you BirdInFlight.

OddButWhy, thank you -- I hesitated to leave this thread up, wondering if I ought to delete since that other thread's issue got resolved, but I'm glad that someone's glad it's here.

And you sound so like me when you say "AS is the first comprehensive explanation for 30+ years of remembered pain, anguish, and confusion in my life. Even if my suspicion is wrong, it is the "most right" so far." "Odd but why?" was the question I asked myself since my earliest moment of lucidity!

Thanks for the thank-you.

birdinflight,
one thing have seen over the years on WP,there are many of us who feel like we dont fit in here,like we dont relate, feeling like that is part of being on the spectrum-there are no two people on the spectrum who are alike and the ones who fit in well and mix with others have less issues in the social area.

if were to leave WP for feeling like were not fitting in,woud have to go live on a different planet because very few of us on the spectrum fit in with normie society, some of us cant even access it.
stick around because theres always something interesting to read on WP.

personaly speaking,have never felt fitted in here either as have had a very different experience of autism and adult living circumstances to everyone else which makes it difficult for others to understand and relate to, but all of us on here do have similarities,and its probably more helpful for mood to focus on those rather than focusing on where we dont relate.

KingdomOfRats, thank you so very much for those words of kindness and encouragement. It means a lot. There seems to be some really amazing people around this site, including you and everyone else who has been so good to me here already. I'm really humbled by how great everyone is being!