Frustrated with my life
16 Jun 2013, 11:31 pm
I honestly don't like where I'm at now at this point being 26 years old. It has been 7 years
since I've graduate from high school. I was supposed to graduate in 2005, but got held back in
kindergarten, since I didn't talk and placed in preschool (early childhood) within the first 2-3
weeks of starting kindergarten.
I remember thinking about when graduating from high school that I will get to experience the
"College life", and graduate in a four year college before I'm 25. Well that wasn't the case
after graduating May of 2006, I've spent 7 months doing nothing, except for finding jobs. In
other words I've missed the 06 Fall semester since I didn't get awarded on time through Finaid.
So I started the 07 spring semester at a community college, in which still to this day I still
attend (in which I'm embarrassed and ashamed about it).I remember back in 2002 when I was 15-16
years old, I was thinking about being an architect. As soon as I realized it required knowing
math all the way up to Calc II, and or Calc III, I changed my choice of career in which I wanted
to pursue. But I still was unsure since I had a wide interest of things as of that point in time.
Then my other obsessions got in the way at the beginning of the year 2004, that I didn't give
much thought of what career I wanted to pursue, as well as both, what 4 year university to
attend, and what to major on.
As 2 years passed by starting in 2006 when I was in my high school senior year (12th grade), I
didn't have a clear idea of what career I really wanted to pursue. As the month of May passed as
well as my high school graduation, the FAFSA application in which I applied, didn't make it on
time. So therefore I was not awarded on time, and started attending community college at Spring of
2007.I had other priories in my mind slowly starting by the time I was in my senior year (12th
grade), to a point where I would give it into thought based on what I wanted to major in 20% of
the time. I remember seeing a career counselor sometime in July of 2007. The result of the tests
that I took to see where I stand based on my interests, determined that I had the highest
percentile in the physical science field. The career counselor gave me homework to do in which I
would research on my own based on each of the careers under that physical science category.
Continuing the story I started to obsesses other things over college, on what to major in, that I
didn't put much effort in the following Fall of 2007 semester. As a result of that I failed this
developmental course Pre-Algebra, and US History I, but I passed College English. The next
semester which was Spring of 2008, I ended up withdrawing English II because the professor
recommended me, in order to avoid getting a D. And so I took English II later in Fall of 2010 with
the same professor that I took College English a few years back. As the Spring of 2008 semester
ended I continued to have other priorities, not giving much thought, as well as researching what
career I would be interested in as well as major in it. Another thing which has continued was my
"indecisiveness" which is due to my OCD according to my therapist. That is one of the reason's why
it has took me this long to decide based on what to major in and be were I'm at now. Now back to
the story I retook Pre-Algebra, failed it again since I didn't put much effort into learning the
material as well as reviewing for the test. I retook US History I and passed this time. I
continued with worrying other things that it has caused my GPA to go below 2.0 that I was placed
on academic probation on Spring of 2010, and I managed to pull my GPA above 2.0.
This is where things change. On December of 2010 my brother who was 22 at that time, had his
first psychotic episode and he got violent. My brother was placed in a mental health clinic for a
week to stabilize him. He still continued with his paranoid, delusional thinking that he had to be
put in a mental hospital on the first week of January. Then he was placed into the State mental
hospital and was there for 3 months up until the last day of April. They found the correct
combination of medication for him to take in order to keep his schizophreniform disorder, or
schizoaffective under control. He has been doing well ever since. He has found a job, and dropped
out of college.
Now back to my story, seeing that my brother has not taken college seriously, eventually dropping
out of college, and my sister who was in high school already. Not only that seeing that a number of
people who I know and am friends on Facebook, who graduated back in 2006 from high school where
either graduating from college, and or starting their lives. Seeing this has caused me to be
ashamed, embarrassed, that my sister will graduate from high school within a few years(class of
2014), and I still haven't yet even gone to a 4 year prestigious university, experience the
"college life", has caused me to rethink about what college. So in the summer of 2011 I did
research on careers, and this time gave some thought about it, and did what my career counselor
told me years back. I first thought of either being a hydrologist, oceanography,
geographer/GIS/analyst/specialist, petroleum geologist(since they make a lot of money), and so I
continued to narrow down my career choices. So therefore this was the time that I finally made the
decision to re-take pre-algebra, since my academics advisor told me showing the paper which math
courses I would need to take, told me that I would need to take up to Calculus III in order to
major either hydrology, or Geo-Science.
The 2011 Fall semester starts and I take pre-algebra, and it was my first time taking math in 3
Years .I studied, put effort and passed the class with an 88 at least. The next semester I take 2
express course in which each of the 2 math courses are 8 weeks(half semester long).I end up
making a B on both Beginning Algebra, and Intermediate Algebra soon as the Spring 2012
semester is over I took College Algebra for summer semester and managed to make an A, or a 90.As
of now I'm currently taking Pre-Calc for this summer semester. Now looking back I can say and feel
that Pre-Algebra, Beginning Algebra, and Intermediate Algebra was not that hard, all I needed was
to put into some effort, go over the problems and study the study guide for each test .This is
what I regret the most is going through 3 years without taking any math course, as well as not
putting any effort nor studying for the tests.
Now my plans have changed since I visited DARS this past May. I have been in DARS or the
(Department of Assistive and Rehabilitative Services) since July or August of 2006, my DARS
counselor has stated that since I have been in DARS for so long that they want me to finish a
degree as soon as possible. So therefore my plans have changed. My DARS counselor told me to be
"open minded" about "short term goals”. So therefore I'll get my AAS – Geospatial Information
Science (GIS) at the end of spring semester of 2014.I could of gotten my AAS – Geospatial
Information Science (GIS) at the end of this fall semester if only I had taken one course in
which it only offers it every spring semester only. I already had in mind, and all set to FINALLY
transfer to a UNIVERSITY. But with this thing with DARS policy I can't, since I have been in DARS
for so long that I need to think of a short term goal. If I choose a long term goal DARS will have
to close my case as my DARS counselor stated. Another interesting thing that my DARS counselor
mentioned to me was that "no matter what any type of job your applying for whether it's medical
doctor, engineer, high school teacher, accountant, nurse, dentist, and more, all require you to have a
resume", in other words past job experience. So what this means is if I go along with my plan to
first get a bachelor’s in Geo-Science, then work on getting my Master's on Geo-Science I will not
get hired right away. In other words I would be disqualified since I never had any past job
experience .Also the DARS counselor told me that DARS would help me look for employment as soon as
I get my AAS – Geospatial Information Science (GIS).
So this means that I'll have to work for 1 or 2 years at least in order to gather up enough funds
in order to get my Bachelor’s in GIS. Then I would make more money and eventually work on getting
my Master's degree.
On top of this I'm currently 26 years old and my high school reunion is around the corner, two
years away from "Class of 2005" reunion, and three years away from "Class of 2006.Its something
that I'm ashamed of wasting nearly 10 years of my life, "thinking of something else", and
"deciding" what to do. Not only that my sister who's now 17, will graduate next year on May from
high school. And yet I'm 9 years older than her. I should of graduated from college, already at
least around 2009, or 2010 depending on what. I should be already financially independent making
money, most importantly "having a life", i.e. social life. But no things didn't turn out that way,
I feel like a loser, ashamed, depressed about my life, and how I never got to experience the
"college life" i.e living in a dorm/apartment, socialize with others, and even get to go to hang
out with other girls, and go to social gatherings, when I was in between "18-23" years of age. I
feel like I have to make up the "college life" now at my late 20s(unfortunately going to be 27 on
Oct), possibly early 30s.It just won't be the same being in my late 20s, early 30s, where as when
I was 18-23 years old. Oh by the way I look years younger than my actually age, so therefore this
might help.
I'll have to make up all the fun, socializing, and hanging out in my 30s, when I could of done it
in my 20s.I remember thinking back when I was 15-16 years old that I would settle down in my 30s
get serious, i.e find decent girls to date with .I don't know I guess I haven't gotten out of my
system of messing around with hot girls, just like guys did/do when in their late teens/early-mid
20s, and finally start to settle down.
17 Jun 2013, 12:52 am
no sense beating yourself up over the past. you're on track now. focus on that. I never went to any of my school reunions and didn't feel I missed out on that account. I was a traditional student in college. we all looked up to the students who had work experience, so going back later might not be so bad.
Thelibrarian
Veteran
Joined: 5 Aug 2012
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,948
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
17 Jun 2013, 10:04 am
since I've graduate from high school. I was supposed to graduate in 2005, but got held back in
kindergarten, since I didn't talk and placed in preschool (early childhood) within the first 2-3
weeks of starting kindergarten.
I remember thinking about when graduating from high school that I will get to experience the
"College life", and graduate in a four year college before I'm 25. Well that wasn't the case
after graduating May of 2006, I've spent 7 months doing nothing, except for finding jobs. In
other words I've missed the 06 Fall semester since I didn't get awarded on time through Finaid.
So I started the 07 spring semester at a community college, in which still to this day I still
attend (in which I'm embarrassed and ashamed about it).I remember back in 2002 when I was 15-16
years old, I was thinking about being an architect. As soon as I realized it required knowing
math all the way up to Calc II, and or Calc III, I changed my choice of career in which I wanted
to pursue. But I still was unsure since I had a wide interest of things as of that point in time.
Then my other obsessions got in the way at the beginning of the year 2004, that I didn't give
much thought of what career I wanted to pursue, as well as both, what 4 year university to
attend, and what to major on.
As 2 years passed by starting in 2006 when I was in my high school senior year (12th grade), I
didn't have a clear idea of what career I really wanted to pursue. As the month of May passed as
well as my high school graduation, the FAFSA application in which I applied, didn't make it on
time. So therefore I was not awarded on time, and started attending community college at Spring of
2007.I had other priories in my mind slowly starting by the time I was in my senior year (12th
grade), to a point where I would give it into thought based on what I wanted to major in 20% of
the time. I remember seeing a career counselor sometime in July of 2007. The result of the tests
that I took to see where I stand based on my interests, determined that I had the highest
percentile in the physical science field. The career counselor gave me homework to do in which I
would research on my own based on each of the careers under that physical science category.
Continuing the story I started to obsesses other things over college, on what to major in, that I
didn't put much effort in the following Fall of 2007 semester. As a result of that I failed this
developmental course Pre-Algebra, and US History I, but I passed College English. The next
semester which was Spring of 2008, I ended up withdrawing English II because the professor
recommended me, in order to avoid getting a D. And so I took English II later in Fall of 2010 with
the same professor that I took College English a few years back. As the Spring of 2008 semester
ended I continued to have other priorities, not giving much thought, as well as researching what
career I would be interested in as well as major in it. Another thing which has continued was my
"indecisiveness" which is due to my OCD according to my therapist. That is one of the reason's why
it has took me this long to decide based on what to major in and be were I'm at now. Now back to
the story I retook Pre-Algebra, failed it again since I didn't put much effort into learning the
material as well as reviewing for the test. I retook US History I and passed this time. I
continued with worrying other things that it has caused my GPA to go below 2.0 that I was placed
on academic probation on Spring of 2010, and I managed to pull my GPA above 2.0.
This is where things change. On December of 2010 my brother who was 22 at that time, had his
first psychotic episode and he got violent. My brother was placed in a mental health clinic for a
week to stabilize him. He still continued with his paranoid, delusional thinking that he had to be
put in a mental hospital on the first week of January. Then he was placed into the State mental
hospital and was there for 3 months up until the last day of April. They found the correct
combination of medication for him to take in order to keep his schizophreniform disorder, or
schizoaffective under control. He has been doing well ever since. He has found a job, and dropped
out of college.
Now back to my story, seeing that my brother has not taken college seriously, eventually dropping
out of college, and my sister who was in high school already. Not only that seeing that a number of
people who I know and am friends on Facebook, who graduated back in 2006 from high school where
either graduating from college, and or starting their lives. Seeing this has caused me to be
ashamed, embarrassed, that my sister will graduate from high school within a few years(class of
2014), and I still haven't yet even gone to a 4 year prestigious university, experience the
"college life", has caused me to rethink about what college. So in the summer of 2011 I did
research on careers, and this time gave some thought about it, and did what my career counselor
told me years back. I first thought of either being a hydrologist, oceanography,
geographer/GIS/analyst/specialist, petroleum geologist(since they make a lot of money), and so I
continued to narrow down my career choices. So therefore this was the time that I finally made the
decision to re-take pre-algebra, since my academics advisor told me showing the paper which math
courses I would need to take, told me that I would need to take up to Calculus III in order to
major either hydrology, or Geo-Science.
The 2011 Fall semester starts and I take pre-algebra, and it was my first time taking math in 3
Years .I studied, put effort and passed the class with an 88 at least. The next semester I take 2
express course in which each of the 2 math courses are 8 weeks(half semester long).I end up
making a B on both Beginning Algebra, and Intermediate Algebra soon as the Spring 2012
semester is over I took College Algebra for summer semester and managed to make an A, or a 90.As
of now I'm currently taking Pre-Calc for this summer semester. Now looking back I can say and feel
that Pre-Algebra, Beginning Algebra, and Intermediate Algebra was not that hard, all I needed was
to put into some effort, go over the problems and study the study guide for each test .This is
what I regret the most is going through 3 years without taking any math course, as well as not
putting any effort nor studying for the tests.
Now my plans have changed since I visited DARS this past May. I have been in DARS or the
(Department of Assistive and Rehabilitative Services) since July or August of 2006, my DARS
counselor has stated that since I have been in DARS for so long that they want me to finish a
degree as soon as possible. So therefore my plans have changed. My DARS counselor told me to be
"open minded" about "short term goals”. So therefore I'll get my AAS – Geospatial Information
Science (GIS) at the end of spring semester of 2014.I could of gotten my AAS – Geospatial
Information Science (GIS) at the end of this fall semester if only I had taken one course in
which it only offers it every spring semester only. I already had in mind, and all set to FINALLY
transfer to a UNIVERSITY. But with this thing with DARS policy I can't, since I have been in DARS
for so long that I need to think of a short term goal. If I choose a long term goal DARS will have
to close my case as my DARS counselor stated. Another interesting thing that my DARS counselor
mentioned to me was that "no matter what any type of job your applying for whether it's medical
doctor, engineer, high school teacher, accountant, nurse, dentist, and more, all require you to have a
resume", in other words past job experience. So what this means is if I go along with my plan to
first get a bachelor’s in Geo-Science, then work on getting my Master's on Geo-Science I will not
get hired right away. In other words I would be disqualified since I never had any past job
experience .Also the DARS counselor told me that DARS would help me look for employment as soon as
I get my AAS – Geospatial Information Science (GIS).
So this means that I'll have to work for 1 or 2 years at least in order to gather up enough funds
in order to get my Bachelor’s in GIS. Then I would make more money and eventually work on getting
my Master's degree.
On top of this I'm currently 26 years old and my high school reunion is around the corner, two
years away from "Class of 2005" reunion, and three years away from "Class of 2006.Its something
that I'm ashamed of wasting nearly 10 years of my life, "thinking of something else", and
"deciding" what to do. Not only that my sister who's now 17, will graduate next year on May from
high school. And yet I'm 9 years older than her. I should of graduated from college, already at
least around 2009, or 2010 depending on what. I should be already financially independent making
money, most importantly "having a life", i.e. social life. But no things didn't turn out that way,
I feel like a loser, ashamed, depressed about my life, and how I never got to experience the
"college life" i.e living in a dorm/apartment, socialize with others, and even get to go to hang
out with other girls, and go to social gatherings, when I was in between "18-23" years of age. I
feel like I have to make up the "college life" now at my late 20s(unfortunately going to be 27 on
Oct), possibly early 30s.It just won't be the same being in my late 20s, early 30s, where as when
I was 18-23 years old. Oh by the way I look years younger than my actually age, so therefore this
might help.
I'll have to make up all the fun, socializing, and hanging out in my 30s, when I could of done it
in my 20s.I remember thinking back when I was 15-16 years old that I would settle down in my 30s
get serious, i.e find decent girls to date with .I don't know I guess I haven't gotten out of my
system of messing around with hot girls, just like guys did/do when in their late teens/early-mid
20s, and finally start to settle down.
Actually, I wasn't ready for college after I quit high school, coupled with the fact that I had been on my own since I was sixteen. I went into the Navy for four years. When I got out, I was more ready to go back to school, though hardly enthused about the idea.
What I had to do was to figure out what it was that I wanted to do, and just hang in there until I finished. It wasn't easy for me, but I'm glad I did it. I'm far ahead, as I don't have to rely on others to get by.
My advice to you: Determine what it is for sure that you want to do with your life professionally, bite the bullet and get your schooling out of the way, and my guess is you will be glad you did.
Good luck.
17 Jun 2013, 10:23 am
No sense measuring yourself against others, because there's always someone more successful. I didn't make it through one semester in college, and never managed to go back. I'm allergic to striving to accomplish to please other people, and the only regrets I have about it are financial.
I think a lot of the wild "college life" stories you may hear are pretty rose colored in hindsight. It sounds a lot more exciting in the telling, but the realities probably don't quite match up.
21 Jun 2013, 7:04 am
What exactly do you mean by "so going back later might not be so bad"?
21 Jun 2013, 9:40 am
No sense measuring yourself against others, because there's always someone more successful. I didn't make it through one semester in college, and never managed to go back. I'm allergic to striving to accomplish to please other people, and the only regrets I have about it are financial.
I think a lot of the wild "college life" stories you may hear are pretty rose colored in hindsight. It sounds a lot more exciting in the telling, but the realities probably don't quite match up.
Well I always wanted to go to one of the prestigious colleges within the state of Texas. I don't know if that would be possible now.I would have to work my tail off, for 3 years in order to save up at least $80,000.The downside is that I'm going to be 27 in October, meaning that I'll be in my 30's when I get my bachelor's degree at least.I feel like I have to graduate on time in order to stop missing what is supposed to be one of he best years of my life.This is so depressing.I wish, if only I had though about this at least 6 years ago. The ideal age for college age students would be between 18-23 years olds. I'm pased that age range.
21 Jun 2013, 10:38 am
Well I always wanted to go to one of the prestigious colleges within the state of Texas. I don't know if that would be possible now.I would have to work my tail off, for 3 years in order to save up at least $80,000.The downside is that I'm going to be 27 in October, meaning that I'll be in my 30's when I get my bachelor's degree at least.I feel like I have to graduate on time in order to stop missing what is supposed to be one of he best years of my life.This is so depressing.I wish, if only I had though about this at least 6 years ago. The ideal age for college age students would be between 18-23 years olds. I'm pased that age range.
Don't get so hung up on numbers. People graduate college in their eighties--it's not a race, it's an accomplishment. The only factor where I'd urge you to step on it is if you need to get a jump in your career field to be successful. Save idolizing youth as "the best years of your life" for Al Bundy. That statement is for people who only derive pleasure out of life by resurrecting the past. Is it a lack of responsibility and sense of immaturity that you're yearning for? There's no age limit on those, but I don't recommend that route.
22 Jun 2013, 11:32 pm
Well I always wanted to go to one of the prestigious colleges within the state of Texas. I don't know if that would be possible now.I would have to work my tail off, for 3 years in order to save up at least $80,000.The downside is that I'm going to be 27 in October, meaning that I'll be in my 30's when I get my bachelor's degree at least.I feel like I have to graduate on time in order to stop missing what is supposed to be one of he best years of my life.This is so depressing.I wish, if only I had though about this at least 6 years ago. The ideal age for college age students would be between 18-23 years olds. I'm pased that age range.
Well its the fact that I'm 26 years old, and everyone in my age at leas has already graduated with a bachelor's degree, and pretty much starting life, i.e moving on their own, working, financially independent, found relationship, etc. Whereas I'm at the same spot as I was when I graduated from high school back in 2006 at 19 years of age. I haven't progressed, I remain stuck, exactly in the same spot as I was back in 2006.
What do you mean by that?
As for the "sense of immaturity", I guess that's what I'm yearning for only when it comes to hanging out with people of 18-23 year age range, especially when it comes to girls. I guess the reason for that is because during my teenage years, I didn't get to have a normal social experience with social life, especially socializing, and hanging out with girls. I often hear that teenage guys do have that urge/desire to either mess around with girls or just flirt with, or for a girl to hug/flirt with him. So therefore most guys get that out of their systems when they become young adults, eventually settling down. Well as for me personally I only have been hugged at least twice by the same girl, one time in 8th grade and another time in 12th grade. I remember during my teenage years fantasizing, imagining, hanging out with pretty girls, as well as flirting each other. I guess it has to do with the innocence of that age range or least the innocence look.
Oh well, I'm socially insecure, and have a low self confidence, as well as a low self esteem. I get nervous thinking that I would one day have to get over with this social shyness, anxiety, and move out of my comfort zone, in order to start having a normal social life. I often times think myself the day that I get to decide to move out of my comfort zone and start socializing, will be the day when I lose a huge amount of weight, get plastic surgery, get fat graphing to look younger, instead of looking awkward, and creepy when around with people 18-23 age range. Most importantly when I get a chance to attend group therapy more often, in which as of now I can't afford it. Oh another thing that I almost forgot to mention is, that I would need to see a speech pathologist in order to correct my voice tone in which I have a monotone voice, and have been told by people that I have an accent.
