Hoodoo got me out of a traffic ticket

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Last night I got pulled over by my nemesis, our assistant police chief. We don't really get along that well because he's a dick when he's working. We have two cops on duty per shift here, and last night it was the asst chief, lets call him Tyrell, and his cousin who we can just call "his cousin", were working. When Tyrell and his cousin work they stay together almost all the time, even though they each have their own car, and while it defeats the purpose of having two cops on duty to patrol the town, it does keep them from being too bored because they can talk to each other.

So I was coming back from the store and Tyrell has this big SUV that he drives and the lights are hella bright, so I reached over to adjust my side mirror and swerved a little bit. Wasn't nobody on the road but me and Tyrell and his cousin who were behind me. So here comes the bubblegum. They light 'em up and pull me over. I spent a good 20 minutes arguing with the cousin about the fact that I do have insurance. He didn't believe that the State Farm paperwork was real. He eventually went back to his car and checked and then came back and said I had insurance. Duh. Meanwhile, Tyrell asked for my license. I do not have one at the moment because of some red tape paperwork stuff that I will get fixed as soon as I get the couple hundred bucks to pay it. I'm a good driver, never had a wreck I caused or had a moving violation other than speeding once when I was 20 years old, although I've had violations because of this paperwork thing, so it's not like anyone is in danger. Tyrell knows about this and usually leaves me alone about it but last night he was just in the mood to f**k with me over it. They were bored. So I told him "Tyrell Jackson you know damn good and well I do not have one! Now don't make it worse for me because of this. My husband is shitfaced drunk and he was insisting on going to the store so I went! That was the safe and responsible thing to do, so don't cause me any more s**t than you already have." He went back to his SUV and when his cousin left he got out and came up to my window.

He leaned in and said "I'm gonna let you go but you gotta do something for me". I said ok and asked what. He leaned in close and said "I gotta talk to you. At your house. During the day when ain't nobody else home." Now, I know all about Tyrell being a dog and not keeping nothing in his pants but I was shocked! I sat there for a second trying to decide what mean thing to say to him about it and then he said "Listen, somebody's causing me some problems and saying s**t about me and I need to find out who it is and make them stop. Can you lay a tongue tie trick on them for me?" Oh. Whew! He just wants a spell. Now, for those who don't know, I do Hoodoo for people. I've done it all my life, my grandmother did it for people in West End where I grew up and I know all about it. Ever since Sister Sherrell went to jail for crystal meth I've been the only Hoodoo woman in these parts, so I have all the clients for it now, especially since she recently died shortly after she got out, and everybody knows I do it. Tyrell is a big believer in it. A "trick" in Hoodoo isn't something to trick someone, it's just what a spell is called sometimes. So, he wants a spell. Yeah I can do that. I told him I could and to FB me and I'd set up a time. He asked what he needed to bring and I told him a cows tongue and nine new straight pins. So he said to just go on home then, and I said I would but I had to go by my Mama's house on the way and he said he didn't care, to go ahead and do what I gotta do. So, obviously he did the whole thing of pulling me over, on purpose, so he would get a free spell and reading. How douche is that?

But, I'm thinking ahead. I'm going to tell him that I need a little hair or some nail clippings for the spell too and then next time he for real pulls me over I'm going to tell him "Tyrell Jackson, are you sure you want to do this? I have some of your hair at the house. You know what I can do with that don't you?" Cause he's REAL scary about that. He's extremely superstitious.

I bet I never again get a ticket in this town. I'll even tell somebody else they better call him first because if they give me a ticket, he's gonna be the one paying the price for it, then he will make them leave me alone. And I have no problem with doing that, I do not feel bad about it at all because I'm not in this no license situation over any kind of bad driving or being unsafe or anything like that. It's from a paperwork problem left over from years ago after I was hit by a drunk driver. So, yeah.

If that's not crazy, I don't know what is. I got out of a traffic ticket cause I promised to do a free Hoodoo spell for the cop.

I've got to say that some of your stories leave me crying with laughter. You is the queen of hoodoo.

I am not amused, I would have thought an aspie would have seen the logic regarding driving licenses, it is clearly not a good idea to drive without a license. Also the idea of casting magic spells on the behalf of a corrupt police officer in return for him letting some driving offense go away is very immoral.

If you want to have an easy time in this world I would advise you to try to avoid breaking any laws.

You don't know the background as to why I don't have a driver's license. I do see the logic. I would have thought an aspie would see the logic regarding using income to pay bills and buy food and needed items for their family rather than pay out $4000 for a judgment in a civil case from another state that they didn't even know was brought against them. I would also think that an aspie would understand that not everything can be done according to strict and arbitrary black and white rules. I would have assumed that an aspie would understand that there are places where if you want to get around you have to drive because walking isn't an option and there is no public transportation. I would think that an aspie would also know for an indisputable fact that just because one aspie thinks a certain way that doesn't mean every aspie does.

I also don't much care whether or not you feel it's moral or immoral to do that spell for the guy. He didn't have anything to do so he said "Hey, let's mess with OliveOilMom." and so they did. Also, if that's your idea of police corruption I'd strongly suggest that you pull your head out of your ass and get a clue as to what goes on in the real world and not just the tiny town I live in.

If you want to have anyone take you seriously I would advise you to get off your little high horse there cowboy, because that kind of condescension will just make people not like you.

Chill, nothing bad happened and it's actually kind of funny. Well, it is to people who have a sense of humor, anyway.

One day I'm going to borrow a video camera and go around town and film people and stuff and post it on here. You'll see some of the craziest s**t you ever seen in your life I bet you.

Also, go to Members Only and look at the link I posted. My best friend was on the news for a second, at the river with her bf, his friend, and her kids. They did a thing about my county.

I've seen some pretty funky stuff with these here peepers but always up for more.
I'll have a look at your other post later.
"Don't mess with my hoodoo or you'll be in the poopoo."

Well on reflection you have an interesting set of points, I did not know a civil case could cause you to lose your license.

While I view myself as a man of reason who does not believe in witchcraft, hoodoo, vodoo or other spells. There is something interesting.

I do not know if you sincerely hold the view that you have supernatural powers, if you do then if anyone was in the wrong it was the naasty cop who if asking you for a spell to be cast.

If you hold the view that you do not know how to do magic, but other people all think you do. Then things are in some ways very funny. The cop would then be in terror of something which does not exist. If you read the "Go between" by DH. Lawrence you will read at the start that the boy at boarding school curses the school bullys with a written curse. This is discovered and he is mocked for it, shortly afterwards the bullys fall off the school roof and are seriously hurt. This then makes all the other boys believe in his magic powers.

Well, I believe in Hoodoo. I was raised that it works. Also, "I" don't have magic powers, anybody can do it. It's just folk magic. Swamp witch stuff. My grandmother was raised in SC back in the early 20th century and the help her mother had was always Geechee's. That's where she learned it. So, I do this for people for money. Sometimes I don't charge if it's a friend or if somebody's in trouble really bad and broke or something. It just depends. If he had asked me nicely would I please do it for nothing because he had a problem, I would have done it but told him he would owe me and I would collect when I chose to (probably next time he decided to pull me over). However, he just wanted it for free and so now I have the plan for the hair or nail clippings and since he had to be a dick about it, I'm going to hold that over his head for the rest of my life. Because I can.

He's also very superstitious, as is his family and a lot of people around here. I won't go into too much more because if I do, people will call me a name that isn't true, so I won't. But I'm pretty sure some of you know what I mean. And it's perfectly ok for him to be that way, so I don't mean anything bad by it. So, ok. It's not a big deal. It's no skin off my nose to do it for him, and I'm going to greatly enjoy holding it over his head that I could decide to lay a serious curse on him at any time just because I can (which I won't - I have no reason to for a ticket or something, but he doesn't know that and that's the beauty of it). Me and him got off to a bad start right after we moved here. He didn't do anything about it when the crazy neighbor shot my black lab for running through his yard and he said "Listen here now lady!" to me in a real ugly tone of voice that was uncalled for and then called me a b***h when I slammed my front door on his foot which he had stuck into my door like he was going to walk up in my house uninvited, which he was most certainly not going to do. I have yet to really forgive him for that because he hasn't apologized, he is just real nice sometimes and likes to pretend that never happened, or other times he gets all "cop" at me when he wants to give me a ticket or do something like that, and other times he will be the sweetest most charming thing and compliment me and stuff. But he's friends with my husband. So, I'm going to enjoy this.

You ARE living in Faulkner's dreams. Or in a Southern version of Lake Wobegon. Thats quite a story.

Only in a small town would the cop give a damn that the townspeople gossip about him.

So his solution?

Get a magic spell to magically stop tongues wagging!


So he shakes you down to get a free spell. But in the end you're the one who is doing the shakedown.

Thats too much!

That does raise an interesting philosophical question.

If you bribe a cop with something that doesnt exist- or something that has no real value- is that really a bribe?

Well...

If you rob a bank with a toy gun its still "armed robbery" because the victims thought it was a real gun.

And if you payoff governent officials with counterfiet money - its still bribery.

So if you take advantage of the guys credulity and superstition by getting out of a ticket with some hocus pocus- I guess it would still be bribery.

Im just thinking aloud here.