I am suicidal

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No doubt about it, i am suicidal. My doctor prescriped medicine but it has no effect. My life is horrible .

Please call national suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255

I am dutch

I thinkit's 116123 in all of Europe

But they will just put me in an institution

Few days in the happy house did wonders for me.

Sometimes I get homesick for the institution and want to go back. Nothing to deal with, or fail to. Can't do that, though. Beds are too hard to come by to be used for vacation, and too many people need me right now.

I have been there, felt that.

Do whatever you have to (short of harming someone else), but please don't check out.

One day, one hour, one minute at a time-- but please don't check out.

Just as sometimes therapy alone isn't enough, sometimes medicine alone isn't enough.

Plus, it may not be the right medicine, it may not be the right dose.

People at the end of a phone line will not put you in an institution.
They can only keep you on the line so long as you are willing to talk to them.
Their role is to engage you in conversation, help you see options that you current can't see, and reassure you that your life is worth living.
If they suggest you go to hospital or seek other appropriate treatment they are only looking out for your best interests, and trying to help.
Statistically, people who call an assistance line are more likely to get through their depression and find solutions than not.
You can always call back and speak to someone else if you are not happy on the first occasion.

A horrible life can get better. You can never get better from being dead. Fall back, regroup, think out some plans for having a better life.

I have been waiting very long to get a better life

These things generally do not get better of themselves. You probably have already taken actions to have a better life. Try to do something or things every day if possible. But you do have to sort out what is positive and leads you forward.

Reading the replies has not made me less suicidal

I'm not surprised that you can not break out of suicidal thoughts by reading replies to your statement that you are feeling suicidal. Stating that you are feeling suicidal in the hopes that someone will post a reply that will pull you out of your depression is a passive approach to the problem and most likely will achieve little.

You need to take some kind of action. Call a counseling hotline. See a doctor. Exercise. Do something!

Pulling yourself out of depression is hard work because, when depressed, we tend to get passive. And passivity exacerbates depression. It becomes a feedback loop that just drags you farther and farther into the depression. You need to DO something to start climbing out of the hole.

Start small. Take a short walk. Get outside with people. Even if you don't talk or interact, walking through a park near people can help. Or if that's too stressful, find a place to walk alone. Make an appointment to see a doctor about possible medication. Don't just think about doing it; actually take some kind of action. Dial a phone number. Look up doctors who specialize in depression. Doing something, even it it seems small and worthless, is still more satisfying than doing nothing at all. At least you can know that you accomplished something.

People on this forum will try to help, but all we can do is offer suggestions and words of support. We can't actually do the things that will help you get out of your depression. Only you can do that. Don't be hard on yourself, but also, don't let yourself slip further into passivity.

Good luck.