Positive force

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Just a quick update: just two months and change after her release from (the) hospital, my Mom started her chemotherapy, and so far so good after the first two days (she goes in for an injection tomorrow, and the chemo is two days in a row roughly every four weeks). She told me afterwards that I made her feel better about going through chemo, more so than my Dad. The point I'm trying to make here is that my calm demeanor has effects of which I had been unaware, especially with the goings-on last summer (please sift through the archives for all that backstory).

Well done. Calm demeanour around cancer is good. Panicking relatives is not good.

Anecdotes:

When my dad was on chemo his hair fell out. The family was together one day and everyone was trying to pretend things were "normal" and spouting "positive" platitudes.
Not me and my daughter. We told my dad he was bald. And then we suggested he should consider having "hair" tattooed on his head. We laughed till we cried.

Prior to this, my dad had a 16 pound (!) tumour removed from his gut and i went to visit. "You look well", he said. "You don't" I replied. I then told him a long and involved story about a rubber frog which reduced him to hysterical laughter. Mum and sis begged me to stop in case he broke stitches. I ignored them so they called a nurse for back up. The nurse told them that laughter was good and bugger the stitches.

So often the relatives of those with cancer pus*y foot around and sweet talk those who are fighting cancer. Yet all the while they have a shadow about them. The shadow of death. Sure, death is a possible outcome of cancer, but those with cancer don't need it ramming down their throat every 5 minutes. Someone with cancer remains an individual. They are not defined by their disease any more than I am defined by my mental health probs.

Good on you for being there for your mum - for being her rock.

When no one is willing to talk about the problem, we all feel uncomfortable because we all know it's there and we all know that not admitting to it doesn't change a thing. But talking about problems openly allows us to put them in perspective and deal with them in some manner. Being calm, direct and honest are some of the greatest things you can do for people who are going through bad times. It's good to hear a some stories of people doing the right thing.

Yay