I want emotional armour

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It seems like all I do is get hurt. I want to be tougher. I want to not care what other people do.
When I go back to anorexia (I usually do this in times of stress) I do feel like I have some armour, but it isn't enough.
How can I stop it hurting when my ex only wants me for sex and not for me?
How can I stop it hurting when my boss (who sleeps with me when he hasn't any better offers, but who I'm crazy about) looks so happy with his girlfriend?
How can I stop it hurting when I am (again) alone for long periods of time because I don't have a good enough personality to make friends?
How can I stop feeling like I wish someone would just wrap me up and tell me it's okay?
How can I stop needing to return to the anorexia because the anxiety overwhelms me?

I wish I wasn't leaving for work, because you desperately need answers.

The only quick thing I can say is you have to stop letting people use you -- your ex and your boss. You're treating yourself like an object and worthless and you know it and that's got to lead to depression and self-loathing. Even if you're friendless, at least if you're not letting yourself be used like you were a sex toy will make you feel a lot better.

Tell him that you only dated him for the money he spent on you.


Inform him in front of his girlfriend that you think you may be pregnant.


Start a creative hobby, like painting, drawing, sculpting or music.


Let me know when you find out, okay?


I hope that you are receiving counseling for anorexia. This is something else that I have no answers for.

I'd start with the hurt inside before worrying about the hurt outside.

Anorexia is one of the most extreme coping mechanisms there is. If you are strong enough mentally to impose this on yourself, I think you must have great mental strength that could be used in a different way.

I find that people who are full of hurt tend to end up in more situations that cause hurt. Like attracts like.

When you're on your own, can you do things like go out to the cinema and eat in a restaurant alone? For me doing that repetitively really helped me to be OK and even very comfortable in my own company. Although it's ideal to have friends, learning to like your own company IMO is very important.

Hi Alycat:

I am sorry that you are in pain and are going through some difficult things. For eating disorder issues, I know a lot of people have found help, healing, and community with a support group like OA. For issues stemming from partners who use you for sex, you may find help and solace in a support group like COSA. You can Google these and see if they interest you or might seem helpful to you. A book that helped me shed light on troublesome relationships is The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes.

Hugs to you...

https://sites.google.com/site/stabilizingautism/par-can-do Is how I do it for myself and for others. It's quick, it's easy, it's durable.
You ask hard questions for which there is no fast textual answers, but there are fast answers that work very well.
Don't worry if it seems too good to be true, it uses the majikal aspie powers of the mind.

Ha, he used to count every penny he spent on me to make sure I spent the same on him (even though I earned a lot less)

I've never met her in real life, only seen her on Facebook. That would be a sure fire way to lose my job, and also a bad idea because I want him to like me MORE not less. I'm still absolutely crazy about him, even though I know he'll never feel the same. I do feel very like Brienne in Game of Thrones - ugly and unlovable but completely obsessed.


I hope that you are receiving counseling for anorexia. This is something else that I have no answers for.[/quote]I did have some as a teenager but due to binge eating for years it'll take me a while to get to a weight where anyone cares again.

Unfortunately one of my other problems is that my income doesn't quite cover my expenditure, so my parents are helping me cover things. It means that I can't afford to go out and do anything. I'm stuck in my flat alone.

I have the same problem. And then when I think about getting a second job like a normal person would do or getting a job that pays better I can't because of all the stupid Asperger issues. Can't you move back in with your parents? My parents live too far away and I can't get the visa to live with them. hahaha life is so weird sometimes.

Try and find a way to stop obsessing about this guy. It's not healthy to want someone like that, he is not a nice person and would never treat you well.

Exactly. My original job (teaching) paid twice as much, but I got so overwhelmed with the anxiety, and they basically told me if I didn't leave they'd fail me.
No. I just got a mortgage on a place (with their help). They pushed me in to it a little to make sure I DIDN'T come back.

I can't seem to help it. I've tried so hard.

Ah. Walking is another way, and exploring new areas.

Out of curiosity...is there a Cineworld near you?

'Cos you see, I have all these vouchers and don't know what to do with them...

Last edited by smudge on 16 Oct 2013, 9:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

i really would have no idea. i do not have the emotional depth of a normal person. sometimes i feel that i am missing out because i do not have any of the emotional drives that other people do.

the fact that your emotional world is so complicated is opposite to the fact that my emotional world has no substance. but i am happy and you are troubled. i do not really care much that i do not understand or desire emotional intimacy, but i think the richest of human experiences are emotional and intimate (from observation). that leads me to conclude that the most disparaging of human experiences grow from the same "virtual" location.

i am comfortably numb.
so is it better to be perpetually indifferent at the expense of ever feeling euphoria (that is usually counter balanced by depression)?

but you can not change who you fundamentally are. a personality can never be modified by logic.

you aspire to greater emotional heights than i can perceive and i hope that i can get back into the main WP site soon because i have exhausted my stock of words that this thread called for (according to me).

"The more sensitive you are, the more certain you are to be brutalized, develop scabs, never evolve. Never allow yourself to feel anything, because you always feel too much" - Marlon Brando

"It is easy to shield the outer body from poisoned arrows, but it is impossible to shield the mind from the poisoned darts that originate within itself. Greed, anger, foolishness and the infatuations of egoism - these four poisoned darts originate within the mind and infect it with deadly poison" - The Teaching of Buddha

Useful, or not at all.

it is not useful to me. i have no desire to steer my life around according to an unsolicited map of uncertified "beliefs".

so good night.