As I've said before, I'm in the last year of uni, and I have aspergers. So I'm trying like hell to get work experience, a proper part time job. After all, it seems unpaid work doesn't mean a damn thing to the employers. I'm not great right now, but before coming to uni, I was a hundred times worse. I didn't go out much, when I did it was a trip round the shops, and it was in fear of the normal people all around me. I came out of my shell a lot, even enjoyed quite a bit of popularity. But every time I return home, the town has become a more hostile enviroment for someone like me, split between worthless chavs and ignorant old people. The chavs would attack me, and the old people would blame everyone my age for the troubles of the town. Some of the older buisness owners refuse to even accept job applications from people under thirty. Yes, I know this is illegal. I also know nobody who could do anything actually cares.
Because of all this, I have to find a way to fund staying in the uni town, not just because I currently have friends here, but there's a lot more variety in the locals, not just the two groups that I can't get along with that inhabit my home town. And this means getting a job has been placed as practically a life or death priority. Every time I go back to my home town for the holidays, I get shoved a little back in my box, and when I get back to uni, it takes a couple of weeks to get back to how I was. If I'm stuck back there for too long, it'll be back to square one.
As you can predict, I'm having trouble getting the job. If I'm honest, I don't apply for every single job, but there's some I wouldn't try for fear of getting it wrong and getting fired, that being a black spot on my record, stopping me from ever getting a job again, and it's difficult to apply in person when it takes so much energy to get the courage up to talk to someone in that capacity. But I still apply for an awful lot, never disclosing my aspergers, because I know they won't even consider me if they suspect I'm not 100% physically normal and NT. Equality act doesn't mean a damn thing. Again, nobody who could prosecute gives a damn.
I'm so angry. Nobody's giving me a chance, and it could all be over if I don't get it. And nobody's suffering for it. I feel like finding them and hurting them, or hurting someone, somebody, one of theirs, deserves to suffer for this. They all do. THe bullies who made my life hell, the politicians spouting their BS, and the employers, especially them. And that's bad, I know it is, but what options are they giving me? They're killing me, they're taking my life that I tried so hard for away, and they just get to walk away unharmed? It's a sick joke. They never had to suffer as much as I did. They're NT. The world is made for them, and only them. They encounter problems, but in the end it usually works out because the world is on their side. Not all of them are like that, but I swear, I wish I could force them to become like me, and I bet they'd just goddamn hang themselves within a week.
I just don't know what to do. They're taking my life, and I'm powerless to do anything about it.
10 Oct 2013, 7:10 am
