I am afraid to lose my parents, the only ones I have.

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Hello everyone

I've been adopted around the age of 6 months by my father's mother. I'm now 24 years of age and throughout many of those years, I had a pretty rough upbringing. I won't go too far into this, it includes family problems, some abuse, emotional issues, learning disabilities, physical health problems, and more.

My family who actually care about me and know me is made up of two people, two old and not very healthy people. They will likely die within the next 5-10 years. I have two friends that I like and could really use a hand on the back from (so to speak), but one is consumed by her obsession and is not very empathetic, and the other one lives far away and is so busy that I cannot talk to her much.

Throughout the past year or so I've been getting closer with family, when family was not extremely close to me, or seemed that way at least. The issues have improved a lot and our relationships have got a lot better. It has helped me realize how much more I love my family now, because things aren't so dysfunctional anymore. However, it is so late...

My family will not be here for long, I wish they could be, maybe if they quit their bad habits they would be here longer... But I think it is too late and regardless of this everyone is going to die. One of my parents occasionally says it will only be a few more years or so. Sigh. I wish they would stick around more so they could see me succeed, so I can show them I love them more, so they can love me more, and so we can be together.

I think I am going to die very alone and sick. I myself may not live a long life. It hurts me so much to know. I already feel so alone now, and while I am looking ahead of time.

I cried tonight, and while typing this, and I almost never cry. What am I going to do...

If you didn't feel like this now, you would be living in a fantasy world, taken by surprise and unable to cope when your parents really die.
I hope you will feel better

DO NOT predict your own future tragedies.

I used to think I'd die a lonely, friendless, bitter virgin around 55 or so.

I'm 35, I'm not friendless, I've been married for 15 years, and I've got 4 kids. When I'm not wallowing in self-hate and hyperpathologizing, I have four kids that actually LIKE me.

It's possible that I'll lose it all and die lonely, friendless, and bitter at 55 or so...

...but it's also possible that I'll be sitting next to my old man, playing with great-grandkids at 70+. Or that I'll die peacefully in my bed a few years after the last kid moves out (both my parents died young).

On that note-- losing your folks SUCKS. MAJOR. DONKEY BALLS. Just sayin'.

And you don't get over it.

But life does go on, and you do learn to live with it, and you do find out that life can still be OK.

Its sounds like your focusing a lot on sad possibilities that haven't happened and may not happen. You should think more about good possibilities.

You know that saying 'keep your eye on the ball' ? Well its like your watching water go down the drain when you should be watching the clouds going accross the sky. Where are they going? Whats over there?

Sorry guys, was dealing with asthma problems for a week and a throat infection that I did not know of at the time, during the last post and no meds were working. I figured out a way to better the asthma though and now I have antibiotics that are supposed to help rid me of the infection so the asthma will not be half as bad.

My mind goes to sad places when I can barely breathe. I am a bit better now though since I found one way to get my breathing on track and got some medicine. God I hope this s**t works, I don't want to go back to that way of thinking.

I usually am a positive guy.

The important thing is that your family is here with you now. Cherish the time that you have left with them, spend as much time with them as you can, show them how much they mean to you. We all have to deal with loss sooner or later - the best we can do is to make the most of every moment we are given with our loved ones.