Suicide?

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Do you guys think I'm the kind of person who should commit suicide? I'm not attention whoring or anything, I'm genuinely curious...and I'm also quite matter-of-fact and detached about the whole thing. Like I said in my post in the thread about how often people think of suicide, I just feel like since I have nothing to contribute to the world and never will (at least not to the extent that people like my older stepbrothers will) I should simply f-k off and leave space and resources for those who would profit from it more.

My parents are elderly and are going to die soon anyway, and my stepparents would soon be over my departure, what with their "own" children/grandchildren to occupy them. My father would have the emotional/psychological peace and serenity he deserves in his old age, with me gone and his no longer having to concern himself with my psychological/emotional problems.... I'll no longer be wandering around in a world that I'll probably never fit into one way or the other, I have barely any real-life friends who would miss me (although I'm sure they'll all come out of the woodwork at some point after I'm gone talking about how they "knew me in high school") my ugliness and obesity would no longer be such an affront to my stepmother.....

....I could literally go on and on with reasons why this is best for everybody all the way around.

They're not good reasons. There are others who are worse. You can still contribute in your own way.

so do some volunteer work. make your life worthwhile in your own value system. life is what you make it. if other folks make you feel worthless, they have skewed values. every human has worth, just because they are human.

the OP has just as much a right to stick around as far less worthy people. I would much rather have the OP around than rush limburger, for example. I wish I could trade.

You know how you contribute? You're a dedicated Carf. There aren't a lot out there. I am also a huge Carf myself, but don't have anyone to share my interests with. There is my little cousin Nate, but he wouldn't even understand the depth of what I think about. But you would. I'm sure of it.

If you kill yourself, then we will never have the chance to share our ideas of the Carsverse. That's an opportunity I don't want to miss. I hope you'll stick around.

If I had dollar for every time I contemplated suicide, I'd be richer than Bill Gates! But alas, I am still here and look how old I am! It can be hard to justify your life sometimes, I know, but our lives touch many others in lots of ways and we seldom know how we might have made a difference in someone else's life. We matter. We just don't always know how, or why, but we do. Too, there is usually some way in which we all can contribute to mankind's development and do something positive in this world. Me? I write and talk a lot. (Yea, I'm noted for all of those soapboxes I drag around.) And I had a good career as an engineer. There is always something that you can do to put purpose into your life. I believe that we are all here for a purpose. We may not know what it is, but there is a reason. Don't be a quitter and just give up.

Sometimes I feel like giving up but stubbornness keeps me around. I do go through periods of continued depression. Somehow, someway something like the idea to write a short story breaks through. I go for it and I'm saved to live one more day. I hate the feeling of being down in the dumps but it's such a part of me I can't shake it. I just have to live with it day by day.

I guess I'm like the naïve little farm kid who sees a big pile of manure in the barn and figures there's just got to be a pony under it someplace.

If you have the mind to even contemplate your own value, you are already more valuable than many people out there.

Umm.... No.

But I don't blame you for thinking about this. Its a common side effect of serious discouragement. But at the core, your life is about you and trying to make the best ylife you can out of what you are given to work with. At this basic level, what others are doing or thinking is unimportant, or maybe a better way to put it is that they have their own lives to worry about and you have yours.

I like to look at animals for guidence sometimes, because their simplicity helps me cut through the confusing complications of human thoughts and emotions. If you go out and see some wild animal, like a squirrel, or bird, etc, you will see they do not think about life in terms of 'purposes' and whether its a bother to the other squirrels. They just go about living as best as they are able, and if they are a more intelligent sort of animal, enjoy what good things they can, when they can.

It doesn't really matter about being alone in the world. Most people are alone.

You contribute more to the world than you think you do. Just by being here you are contributing.

Communication is contribution and you communicate well. I always read your posts, you do matter.

^^^ this
YOU DO MATTER!! !

Your father wouldn't found peace and serenity from losing a daughter from suicide, quite the contrary.

dont give up and dont kill yourself.

Hi, everyone! First of all, thank you all very, very much for your kind words, I appreciate each and every post! I am in a much better place now, emotionally and psychologically, than I was when I made my original post. More doors have opened for me since then, and I am no longer dwelling on the idea of taking my own life. Thanks again!

Yay! Since you're still young, a word of advice. Find something that you're good at that society needs. Society doesn't need more art majors, for example, and especially not at $100k a pop. If you're good at art, you don't need an "education" in it. In fact, most college educations are pointless, unless you're studying engineering or medicine (too many law grads, actually). If you can learn something through apprenticeship, do it. It's all about finding something that you can and like doing, that someone will pay you to do. It's sad that so many people your age fail to grasp this simple fact. So, what do you like doing?