I'm destroying all my relationships
Firstly, I had been going on and on about this for the past few months, and I finally got my parents to get me out of school. Thats a huge relief and I am so glad that this finally happened.
I wouldn't call it friendship, but I did however build friendly relationships with a few people in this school.
And I do not know what is happening, but I am destroying all those relationships one by one. I got less than 2 weeks to stay here, and I am keeping this thing a secret.
Just yesterday, one girl asked me to never ever talk to her again.
And today, another girl told me the same thing. She told me I am always very rude with her and I am a very mean and arrogant person. I don't want to get into details of what exactly happened, but she told me to put this all behind ourselves and never talk to each other again.
At this moment, after a long time, I am down to 0 friends, and 0 friendly relationships. I have no personal relationships of any kind whatsoever.
This time, last year, I had 3+7=10 friends!! I cannot maintain any relationship, let alone friendship, for more than 5 months it seems.
I am basically fighting myself between being a jerk and being nice to people, but because I've been hurt so much in the past, that it once led me to ~6 months without getting out of home and using any forms of communication with the outside world, I find it extremely difficult.
I know I am never going to have good relationships with people, so I am trying to prevent myself from getting hurt by being an a**hole and not allowing people to get close to me.
I am doing quite well in life, that is, my professional life, but my personal life is a hell of a mess. I've been avoiding getting depressed for quite a few months now, I've never gone this long without getting depressed and feeling that life is completely void of meaning and all that, and so I am s**t scared that I am going to get hit by a boulder this time, and going to get horribly depressed. As for the past few days, I've been having brief moments of extreme depression.
I am the only loner wherever I go, and its not by choice. In this school, I am the only one who walks alone, eats alone, sits alone, and basically does everything alone. Nobody wants to talk to me or be friends with me, and the ones who are friendly are only so due to my talents and they basically try to use me.
Right this moment, I feel the need to lock myself down, away from everyone, and cry for a couple hours to get all the sadness and depression out of my system, but I know that wouldn't happen.
I just tried getting back an old friend, and I talked to her and things were going good, but I've ended up ignoring her for 5 days now after telling her that I'll message her in a few hours.
I dont know what to do, I feel really lost.
I'm terrible at maintaining friendships too. I don't think I'm being unlikable, but my back-and-forth communication skills are so bad that eventually the other person gives up on trying to talk to me.
I've come to the same conclusion – that interacting with people just isn't my strong point, so I'm better off just keeping to myself. ![]()
I can relate to the being put-offish as a defence mechanism. But it is something you will have to change if you want to try and establish a relationship with someone. Remember, they may have had a lot of knocks too, and have not themselves been bad to you. Treat people you wish to know with respect.
AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,665
Location: Houston, Texas
With the friend you didn't get back to five days ago, can you send her a message something like:
Hi, I know I said I'd get back to you in just a couple of hours. It's been a absolutely crazy week with _________ and ___________. So, how are you doing?
And the goal is to disclose with matter-of-fact, present confidence. Something you feel alright about disclosing in a fashion of just, okay, what it is, is what it is, whether she accepts it or not.
But also, be open to the stuff she has going on in her life, even if your stuff is worse, and there's kind of an art to this.
