Dealing With Anger

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I'm so angry, all the time. I'm angry at a group of friends I've had for nearly 10 years. I made a post about them before, and everyone suggested I talk to them about it, but I could do it. I couldn't say anything, because I was really scared they wouldn't understand and would just dismiss it, like they always do with me.

I keep imagining having huge arguments with them in my head, and it always involves me blowing up and showing them that they really did hurt me, that I'm actually suffering. I always feel like they never took me seriously. I was always too honest at the wrong moment, I always shut down when everyone else was having fun, and they always laughed at me when I got angry. I get it now. I get that I wasn't following the social rules and that I was being a downer, but I was really going through stuff back then, and obviously still am, and it really feels like they don't give a s**t. And in the back of my mind I always thought they thought I was stupid and dramatic and difficult for no reason, and that I should just get over whatever I was feeling.

So when I found out that I had Asperger's, I was happy, because now it clicked, and I realize now why I act the way I do. And I told some of them, expecting that they would finally get it, they would finally see that I'm not what they think I am, that I was really struggling and suffering, but they just shrugged it off, saying, "Oh, I didn't think you had it". And I keep wanting to talk about it, but whenever I mention the word Aspergers my friend just gets quiet, as if she doesn't want to talk about it.

I'm so mad. I keep crying everyday over all this pent up anger. I'm pissed at all the teachers who yelled at me and made fun of me when what I really needed was help. I needed someone, and no one was f*****g there. And now I found out about Asperger's, and my friend's don't really care, and I'm really scared because we're all supposed to meet up this year (we all live in different states) and I don't want to go, and no one seems to care or even realize that being in a group terrifies me.

I want to talk to my friends about this, but I feel like I should have spoke up ages ago, and now I missed the window, and I'm really scared that it's going to f**k up everything. I don't want to be angry anymore, but I've been waiting and waiting and it hasn't gone away. It's gotten so bad that in my imaginary arguments with them I visualize myself cutting ties altogether and socially humiliating them like they did to me.

Last edited by MackenzieB on 10 Apr 2014, 1:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sounds like the people you call your friends have hurt you pretty badly and that you feel as if they don't really care about who you are. Revenge fantasies about evening out the pain are pretty common in these situations...but they don't work.
Maybe what you really need to do is reconsider whether these people are your friends at all - it sure does not sound like it. You might think they are popular or people you want to be close to or to be like, but they might not be sufficiently sensitive or sensible enough for what you really need in friends...since you live far away from them anyway, perhaps you could start looking closer to home for people to socialize with...?

It's really weird because while I feel all this stuff, one of them I'm really close with, and her and her family have helped through a lot, including financially. There was a time when my whole family was struggling financially, and her family offered me money numerous times not only then, but recently when I had trouble with rent, and they even allowed me to live with them for almost a year awhile back. And I can talk to this friend about anything and I know that she truly loves and cares me, but all of this happens in a group and I'm still harboring this intense anger. And I keep thinking, if I talk to her, she'd understand, and I have tried, but either I didn't communicate it well or she just didn't get, because I'm still angry.

I've been in situations like this before. You need to express yourself or it can drive you crazy. Don't bottle it up. Based on how they communicate best, figure out the best way to approach them: by e-mail, singly, or in a group. Maybe if you start off by telling them that you really need to talk about it or you're going to explode, they will listen carefully and sympathetically. If they will not listen or talk about it after you explain how important it is, they are not your friends, and you probably should cut ties for the preservation of your own sanity.

Thanks guys, I'm going to have to talk to them. Well, I'm thinking I'll just talk to the one I'm closest too - I don't know how about the others ones yet. But you're right, I can't keep this bottled in, I know it's going to end badly if I do that, so I'm going to have to figure out how to say all this. I just really, really hope they don't react badly, but I guess if they do, then at least I know where they stand. I can only try to communicate as best as I can.

So I'm going to talk to the one I'm closest too, and see how that goes and if I need to talk to the others. Thanks again guys - I guess I just needed to let that out before figuring out the next step.

I sent my friend an e-mail about it. I wrote the e-mail weeks and weeks ago, so I just reread it today and edited and I'm super nervous about what she'll think and how she'll react and I'm going to try not to think about it, because it's sent out and if I f****d up, then I f****d up, and if she thinks I'm being ridiculous or douchey, there's not much I can do. But I did need to talk to her about it, because the imaginary arguments are freaking me out, and I'm scared at this intense desire to socially humiliate all of them. I know that's a sign that I need to get this resolved. A super long e-mail may not have been the best approach, but I already sent it, and I couldn't think of another way to do it, and that's all there is to it. Uuuuuugh. I don't know if I'm going to talk to the others about this or not.