Nobody Contacts Me

Post Reply New Topic

I just had to vent about this. I have a good amount of friends but for some reason it always seems that I have to contact them if I want to hear from them. Except for the occasional favor that I'm asked to do, I feel like I could sit in my house the whole weekend and not even get 1 text from someone wanting to hang out. Or even someone asking how I'm doing.

Last Friday after work me and a bunch of friends played some basketball and while we were taking a drink break, my sister told me that she had a few free tickets to a hockey game because someone cancelled, so she asked if I wanted them. So I just mentioned to everyone if they aren't doing anything if they would want to go and see a game.

Well my one friend all of a sudden pipes in and goes: "Nope" and says that him, my other 3 friends and his girlfriend are going out drinking to celebrate her birthday tomorrow.

How rude is that, so I said "Way to shoot down my idea, I was just asking." and then on top of that you know thanks for the invite.

Then I found out the Saturday before, that same friend invited 2 of my friends, who don't even watch racing, to the dirt track, and didn't even ask me, you know the kid who loves racing, to come.

Normally I wouldn't care but because I called one of those friends that were going to see if he wanted to hang out and I got an excuse that he had to help his folks out, and then I see later on Facebook that my friend puts up a video of a lap saying "Me, Mike and Ryan at the track." that ticked me off. It was a slap in the face to me because ummmm dumb*** I can see the video on your wall, don't you know that. It was almost like they didn't want to invite me for some reason, and I don't know why.

Then another friend who has been one of my best friends for like 15 years started hanging out with my other best friend of 15 years when they met each other when I put together a huge football game around Thanksgiving time. Now sometimes when I talk to him he goes, "Oh yeah Rick came over the other day and we watched a season of Breaking Bad." or something like that and I'm being left out again.

I don't know it's really upsetting me, it feels like no one wants to hang with anymore, and I don't know why.

Even this too...I've been doing poker games at my house for about 5 years now and recently we had our basement wall collapse so for a while we didn't have a game until my one friend bought a table and chips and asked if we wanted to go over. Well everyone was so impressed with his room, it was like a basement bar, similar to mine, but because he had a jukebox, all of a sudden he was better.

One friend said: "Wow...this is even better than John's (my) place." and then when I looked at him funny he said: "Well you know what I mean."

WHAT GIVES!! !

I don't really know, no one contacts me that much either. Maybe it has to do with being so shy, who knows?

Truthfully, those people aren't worthy friends, anyway. I would just slough them off and seek real friends. There is the tendency for people to be "users."

Are you on the basketball team?

No, it's was just a pickup game...but all these friends, I have been friends with for longer than 5 years...It was never like this before so I don't know what happened.

I had a lot of those problems too when I was younger (and still do),
Try recording your self while interacting with others so to try and see what they see. when I done that I was shocked.

But most of all, focus on your self by working and learning for a better future for you, because in the end thats whats going to count the most, and bring you the better odds of finding your self a good mate. mostly its in your teen and early 20's years that what your peers think seems to mater the most to you, that social acceptance. but later in life you tend to focus more anyways on survival and the necessities of life.

I could understand your sadness.

I had a best friend. Then, when I was 12, we drifted apart. He wanted to hang out--I wanted to stay home and read.

Kids tend to drift apart, for various reasons. It probably has nothing to do with you.

Friendships tend to exist on the basis of co-dependency. The basis of most friendships is people "using" each other.

Yep. I've been there more times than I can even remember. It is hurtful and just generally sucks. I do my best to just accept that as being the hand in life I've been dealt. But it still hurts and can make me feel anger at people sometimes, which of course would be like 100% self-defeating to act on.

I wonder about that too. I never got one text or call from anyone to hang out except from just a couple of people. When I would text them to hang out they usually wouldn't even answer unless they did want me to come over. I figured it must have something to do with the differing ways we think or something ya know? But after a while I decided not to tread on it and just say 'oh well screw it'. I must be quite a handful.

It sounds to me like they aren't really your friends, and don't want you around. I've experienced extremely similar situations myself, and in every instance it was because they didn't want me around.

I'm sorry this is happening. It's sad and is a tough situation. I think I can only echo what the others here are saying: Consider that these aren't very good friends any more if they're doing all these slights and shuns, and start inviting new people to hang out and do things with you.

That whole "recording yourself" interacting with others thing isn't a bad idea, either...if you can manage to find a way to set that up. The other option is to ask your closest (hopefully kindest) and most honest friend to confess to you what reasons there might be that a person might not want to hang out with you. If you tell this person that you truly want their honesty, even if they think it would be hurtful, I think you're more likely to get that honesty. (Guys are usually better at this, in my experience, than girls.)

But I think the "recording yourself" idea goes one better, because you'll get to see (possibly) some things that you might consider changing, yourself...vs. trying to hear it from another person, through their perspective. (When defensiveness kind of automatically wants to kick in.)

*hugs*

All the best.

And again, I'm really sorry. I know this feeling sucks. :/